advice about access issue welcome...

[Mattna]

Hi

Not posted in yonks, but would really value some advice...

I have 2 boys aged 6 and 4. My ex left when I was 6 weeks pregnant with the youngest. He had nothing to do with us for months but eventually sought and got regular access to the boys. We started slowly, but increased to every other weekend, and alternate Fridays (on the not daddy weekend). This has been so for about a year and a half now.

Since Christmas, the youngest has started to be increasingly anxious about daddy weekends, and has cried about going. We have discussed this (father and I) but it hasn't got any better.

On the last visit, youngest told daddy he didn't want to go anymore, and has repeatedly said he doesn't want to go this weekend. I have tried to find out why, but he isn't able to pinpoint exactly why, but says he is scared. I don't want to push it too much, or put words in his mouth.

Any advice on what I should do? I want him to feel his opinion is important, but equally is he old enough at 4 to make such sweeping choices that affect many people. Is keeping him with me just sticking a plaster on it, without solving the problem? 6 year old is adamant to go anyway...

Sorry for the length of this...

Cheers

Keeping him with you is not a good idea.

If there is no specific reason and you have no concerns (has your oldest mentioned any issues) then you simply have o put up a united front and promote the contact.

Is he perhaps worried that you are all on your own, or having fun without him, or is he suddenly feeling insecure (presumably he has changes such as primary school coming up soon?). Maybe his dad told him off or enforced a rule or bedtime or something and your ds feels bad about it or like he wants to punish his dad for it by not going there.
It could be anything or maybe nothing specific. Maybe he's just testing his boundaries and security around you both. Or maybe it is something specific and he just can't explain it or doesn't want to.

home.clara.net/spig/
Look at the guidelines section. You're probably already doing this from what you say, but it can be helpful to read over guidance and advice like this to see if you are maybe missing something.

If he was worried about going to the dentist, doctor, or similar you would ressure, deal with any concerns, and it would happen. Especially if there was no particular reason that he was saying it.
It is your responsibility to ensure that your child visits these places/people when he needs too.
It's the same with his father. He needs to know that this is important and, while you will listen, you will not be saying no to going again.
Keep a united front, whatever you decide to do. You may find that he doesn't want to go, but changes his mind when dad turns up, or when he hears what he is missing out on.