Lonely

[Blef1974]

I have had my first weekend off in I don't know how long, as my mum has taken all three girls until Sunday. But I have nothing to do. I am sat at home, bored. My best friend lives 200 miles away and I don't have any other real life friends.

I feel so sad and tearful. I have been on my own for years now. I don't know where to meet people, I don't drink so pubs etc are out. Most weekends I have the girls (I'm not exaggerating, this is my first weekend on my own for about 18 months). I am also really quite shy, and hate the school playground. I just cannot start conversations with the other parents. I moved here in March and I know no-one. I looked at dating sites, but just feel fat and unattractive. I really feel like my life sucks.

oh.. I so know how you feel...

don't have any good advice - but there might be mumsnet single parent meet ups (does anyone else know if these exist?)

Can you get anyone to cover one night a week so you could do a class or a hobby ?

i know how you feel blef where abouts are you

hi Blef, been there myself. You are nnot alone, where do you live?

I live just outside Newcastle. I know that there is loads going on in the city, but I have no-one to share it with and I'm not brave enough to go on my own.

Oh Blef there will be not one lp who doesn't relate to your post.

You must get a thick skin and become a self promoter, start inviting people out, tell them the situation and ask them to join you for something even if it is just for lunch or a coffee.

Most other mums (single or otherwise) will be up for it, I promise you.

I get miserable and lonely too but do you know what? I actually told a neighbour this once and the response was "You mustn't be lonely, you can always pop round for a chat with me." And I do now.

Its hard to be honest about loneliness but you might well find that honesty is the best policy.

So with you all on this one. It's only just kicked in with me, (emotionally abusive xh-glad he went). I've been on my own for 3.5 years with dd. Really feeling it now as she is off to high school and off with friends more and more. All friends part of a couple, although I have to say the truest of them are happy to have me round even though I dont come with an accessory for their hubby to discuss footie/golf/rugby or whatever with.
Been studying for years and nearly done now so feel that life on hold a bit. More than any thing I'm scared to go out there- dont want anything to mess up the stability that dd and me have.

Just wanted to add that I know exactly how you feel. But as others have said, just try to reach out to people, start looking around for things to do, and very slowly, little by little, it will get better.

I have been on my own for four years, and have a job, which does help, but I still often get that lonely feeling. I think it's harder for people who are not extraverts, because I am never going to 100 friends, and don't want to. When I was with exh that was fine, but now it's not. I hope that makes sense - I don't mean that everyone needs a man in their life to be happy, but just that when you have a partner in your life, then it's obviously less lonely... Actually, having a bit of a lonely day myself today.

Thanks guys. I have had a really nice, relaxing saturday. Had a lie in, which never ever happens, got some shopping done without having to say "No, you cant have/don't need that". Watched what I wanted to on TV, listened to some music, read a bit. Its been nice. I think last night just hit me as being a lonely day. I have been quite tearful for a few days now and I think I am just going through an eventful time.

Thanks for being here.

ARE you fat/overweight though? If you are, it may put people off from being attracted to you, perhaps you can inspire yourself by losing weight. I know my larger friends have trouble attracting men. Besides, being overweight is not healthy.

Can you try and work? I love being at work with lots of other people to chat to!That will probably help your confidence and help you meet people too?!!

I know exactly how you feel esp about being shy, its not that i choose not talk to people i find it really hard. I dont have to face the school gates anymore as my dd is older. I found that sitting at home got me nowhere so i enroled on a college course which fitted in with school hours so maybe you could do that. I did find it helped with my shyness and lack of confidence but still a long way to go. If you think this would help colleges have their brochures out over the summer and you enrol beg of september.

Thanks guys.

Yeah I am fat, and am doing something about that now. It's a long old road though, and loads of people can't see past the fat appearance to the person underneath.

I am starting a course in September. Am going to the doctors tomorrow to ask for some counselling because I need to improve my self-esteem.