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WWYD - police escort to collect DD?

15 replies

NicknameTaken · 16/07/2010 15:29

2-year old DD. Ex abusive to me (not seriously physically). Court order: I'm residential parent, he has access. Handover times normally specified, but he has had her for a week's holiday (I've seen her during that time), and we're meant to agree handover arrangements. He's not technically in breach yet.

He said this morning we'd discuss the handover. He isn't answering any of the five phone numbers I have for him, or the texts I've sent.

When he did this at Christmas, I got a police escort to reclaim DD. I needed her back by a certain time because we were due to fly to my parents' home, and my mother insisted that I get a police officer to come with me. Ex ranted and raved at the policewoman, who said she could see why I wanted an escort, and made a note for the file. I'm fairly sure the police would be helpful, but don't want to waste their time.

It feels more urgent because DD has recently become very reluctant to see her father. She was always excited before now, and I encouraged that, but recently she cries and says she doesn't need daddy. It's not that she's clingy to me - she also says she'd prefer to go to nursery. I don't think he's being physically abusive to her, but he is very aggressive and domineering.

WWYD?

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cestlavielife · 16/07/2010 15:32

when is she due back?

NicknameTaken · 16/07/2010 15:34

That's the thing - it's not specified in the court order, which says he can have her for a week, but it's not clear if that's his normal weekend plus one week or one week maximum. We were meant to discuss it but his phones are all switched off (I think he only has two or three plus a couple of additional SIM cards).

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PaulineCampbellJones · 16/07/2010 15:38

Why don't you speak with the police and see if they can advise you. Sure you wouldn't be wasting their time, especially as he is now uncontactable and you are worried.

ChocHobNob · 16/07/2010 15:41

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but next time it would be a good idea to organise when she's coming back before he has her. If the court order isn't clear, then it's reasonable to assume he can include his normal weekend with her.

Have you got any indirect contact planned with her before the end of the "week"? A phone call or another visit or something?

All you can really do is keep trying to get hold of him, if you have a phone called planned and cannot get hold of them, then the police will pay him a visit to ensure she is OK. Then I would do the police escort thing at whatever time you are due to see her at the end of his weekend.

Or could you or a family member pay a quick visit to him if it's going over 24 hours without contact to check everything is OK. Real tricky subject.

OnlyWantsOne · 16/07/2010 15:41

if you have a residence order- and you feel uncomfortable, I would try and contact your EX one more time, then contact the police.

missedith01 · 16/07/2010 15:43

Is there anywhere to leave a message saying you are worried and if you haven't heard from him by such and such a time you're involving the police? Oh, sorry, I can see you've sent texts ... well, if it was me I'd be sending him a text to that effect and if he didn't get back pretty pronto I'd be calling in the cavalry. He should not be uncontactable when he has your daughter.

NicknameTaken · 16/07/2010 15:44

Yes, the police were very nice last time, and there is an existing file. Ex dislocated my finger when we were still together - I reported it although he wasn't charged on the basis that it was largely accidental.

I could go there myself and I don't think he'll attack me or anything - just probably avoid answering his door.

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NicknameTaken · 16/07/2010 15:48

You're right about hindsight, but I had specified Friday at 5.45pm at our usual spot. Then he was working late last night so I had her, and I think it would be legitimate for him to have her tonight instead (even if I don't really want that), it's just he won't answer his damn phone for us to discuss.

missedith, you're right, he shouldn't be uncontactable and he is doing it deliberately because he knows it makes me anxious. He used to disappear with her frequently when we were together just to punish me.

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ChocHobNob · 16/07/2010 15:48

The problem is you don't want to upset your daughter if you turn up unannounced and she isn't going home with you.

If it were going on for long periods of time, could you ring your local police station and have a chat with someone there for advice, like a PP said. Just ask if it is possible for someone to go around, make sure everything is OK and tell him to contact you to sort out when she's coming home.

ChocHobNob · 16/07/2010 15:51

If you hadn't discussed any different to Friday 5:45pm, then I would go to your usual spot and if he isn't there, go to his home and then contact the police if no joy.

I think that's a different matter. You decided a time and haven't discussed any different. If he wanted to extend his time with his daughter, he should have proposed it.

As difficult as it is, I would try not to worry until 5:45pm. x

ChocHobNob · 16/07/2010 15:52

...try not to worry too much until 5:45pm.

NicknameTaken · 16/07/2010 15:52

Yes, I'd hate for her to see me and not be able to come with me.

How long is long? She agreed this morning to spend "a little bit, not a big bit" of time with him and I feel like I'm abandoning her.

I need to get a grip and not get too melodramatic, but I hate this. It's done for spite and control, not love.

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NicknameTaken · 16/07/2010 15:53

Yes, I'm at work anyway. Deep breaths. The police station is pretty much over the road from his house. 5.45 it is.

Thanks, all.

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gillybean2 · 16/07/2010 19:12

Does she have a passport? And if so do you have it? And if not are you sure he hasn't got one for her and gone off on holiday with her?

Hopefully by now you'll have picked her up and all will be fine....?

NicknameTaken · 16/07/2010 20:09

Thanks, got her. He made me wait an hour, but then turned up. Thanks for the support!

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