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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Can i change my babys surname to mine even though fathers name on birth certificate?

13 replies

missylea · 16/07/2010 13:05

Wanted to know can I do this? Obviously i know i cant legally as I need fathers consent and there is no way he is gonna do that, but is there something I can do through solicitors? I know it will always remain on the birth certificate and passport his fathers surname but for the like on my ds starting school, I want him to have the same surname as me. Thanks

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gillybean2 · 16/07/2010 14:02

You can't change your ds's name, or cause him to be known by another name, without the express consent of all those with parental responsibility.

You can try, but if he objects it will be upheld in court and your ds will simply get confused and so will his friends etc.

If you want the same surname you can always change yours by deed poll. Probably not what you want to do but it is one way to both have the same surname.

Original poster

missylea · 16/07/2010 14:31

I have 2 other ds with my surname as i never changed it back from my married name but i want them all to be called the same but as we were together when our ds was born he wanted ds to have his surname.
I have been told you can get an affidavid to change it but obviously it wont change the birth certificate.

OP posts:

ChocHobNob · 16/07/2010 14:37

Does your ex have parental responsibility for the children? If yes, then you would need agreement for the change.

If not, then you can change it but he could take you to court to get it changed back, depending on many circumstances.

Original poster

missylea · 16/07/2010 19:57

yes he has parent responsibility. His name is on the birth certificate.

OP posts:

Blef1974 · 16/07/2010 21:47

I have changed my girls names for school. They are 12 and 10 and when we moved house and they changed schools they asked for them to be changed. Luckily (I guess) their dad hasn't seen them for 5 and a half years so he doesn't know. The doctors refused to change their names on file so we have left them the same as on their birth certificate. But the girls were really happy when I changed their name at school.

Original poster

missylea · 16/07/2010 21:58

Well my baby is only 20 months old so he wouldnt be confused yet but im just frightened later on in life he might as he does see his dad and im sure he would be livid if I changed his name to mine.

OP posts:

gillybean2 · 17/07/2010 09:09

You can't simply change, or cause to be known (that means call them something other than what their name is) without doing it officially.
That is why the doctor wouldn't change it for Blef.

Blef's dds school is in the wrong too, but probably isn't aware yet but they will find out at some point and change their paperwork (when a dad does kick up a fuss about it and they have to look at the law on the matter).

Quite often schools ask for the actual name and name the child prefers to be called. Because often children use a shortened version of thier name every day (Eg Rebecca, known as Becky. Or if they have a huge long double barrelled surname they might use a shortered version of it or initials or something like that)

If Blef's ex came back on the scene and kicked up a fuss the school would have to amend the dds names unless a court ordered otherwise. Which would cause confusion for their friends, teachers, and lots of questions in the mean time. Given that he has been off the scene for over 5 years it may not happen as he's not there to object or even know of the change at this point.
However on all their exam papers etc their official name will need to be used and they must be registered for the exams under their official name.

But in your case, where your ex is very much on the scene and would object strongly, the only thing you can do is ask him and hope he agrees. From what you've said it's doubtful that he will though.

prettywhiteguitar · 17/07/2010 13:12

I requested to my ex for a double barrelled name which he agreed to and now just use my name which is obviously half the double barrel. Your ex will get used to it if he doesn't do anything with the kids like hospital or school.

My ex was fine with it once he realised I wasn't pushing him out, ie I always agree to extra contact and am flexible on lots of things like holidays and extra trips to see grandparents etc

The name was really important to me because I was the one who is sorting out his daily life and having to put my my ex's name on school/nursery stuff just didn't seem to make sense as he is living with me and I am his primary carer.

Very old fashioned to think that children should take the fathers name when they live full time with the mother

lostdad · 18/07/2010 18:47

`Very old fashioned to think that children should take the fathers name when they live full time with the mother'.

Yep. And very old fashioned to think that children should live full time with the mother...but I'm betting you'd disagree with that, eh?

Leslaki · 18/07/2010 20:34

This isn't a problem if the choldren are living with their father though!!! I too have always wanted to double barrell the children's names as I detest being known my his name - it makes my skin crawl due to what he put me through (and continues to bu using the dc). I hate still being seen as 'his property' ina way as I am known as Mrs Knobhead. his surname is dreadful and DC will be teased at school when they get older as XH and his brother did. I don't want to remove them from their father - I want normal contact and no more psychological /emotional abuse. I would rather go back to being me - using my maiden name but as dc love with me (he likes the fun times not the hard work) and I work in tehir school it makes sense for us to have the surname. I either have to put up with being labelled as his wife the rest of my life, have a different name from my kids or he could accept they ahve 2 parents, come from 2 families and their names could easily reflect this. He won't he's a control freak and would enjoy knowing I still hate being known as his wife!

gillybean2 · 18/07/2010 20:56

Leslaki - If you knew dc would get teased for the surname, and you wanted to keep yours too, then why did you not double barrel when you got married and gave that to the dc?

You could of double barrelled the surname when you went to register them. You chose not to then.

Maybe you felt differently at the time, obciously you must of not to have forced the issue pushed for it then..?

Changing the name now is problematic unless both parents agree. But you could take it to court and ask for it to be double barrelled. You may get lucky.

GrizzlyMum · 18/07/2010 21:02

Hi Missylea,
You say 'yes he has parent responsibility. His name is on the birth certificate.' But you can register a birth with the name of the father without giving them parental responsility (possibly only if you are not married to the father). From what you say, he probably has parental responsiblity, but it might be worth checking.

Leslaki · 18/07/2010 22:08

TBH when we got married I dodn't give it much thought - didn't really think about the teasing factor alhough I didn't like it. I don't really like double barreled names - now I can see whay they come about.
I didn't getv th chance to register either of my children - XH registered DS when i was extremely ill in hospital and didn't ask me anything about surnames/double barreling etc. He also registered dd as I'd had a CS and he went and did it again.
As I said, very controlling.

TBH at the moment all I want in court is to be alowed to go home.

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