DD (7) absolutely refusing to go to dad's

[Leslaki]

What would you do? We're going through court at the moment as DC and I want to move home to Scotland (from England) - XH and his nutcase GF have raised a Prohibitive steps order to stop us. It's not about the DC it's about control. His GF has been threatening my DC to get hem to tell CAFCASS what THEY want my DC to tell them - all got very very OTT with teh GF telling my DC their dad would kill me if they didn't say what they wanted. cafcass hearing next week, DD has refused to go last 3 occasions - made her go 1st time, let her stay nd (dad came and forced her - she spent day lying on her bed 'being sad' and not the same/normal child when she got home). Today absolutely, totally, resoklutely refused to go and did so in front of teachers. DS went off happily - he's older. GF always had a thing about dd - ie tried to get false nails on her when she was 5 . They are meant to be staying over tomorrow and dd refusing to go. CAFCASS wouldn't allow mid week ssleepoivers BTW as it would affect their schooling.
Do I make her? bearing in mind I will be in court soon to be allowed to go home and may be short term pain for long term gain - ie I am not stopping contact?
Or
Do I say no. Could be used against us and we could be forced to stay here and be unhappy? But dd still trusts me implicity.

So so confused...
TIA

Have you got a phone number for Cafcass? Can you phone them at 9am tomorrow and ask them what are you supposed to do?

I would ask for a report from the teachers at school documenting what happened yesterday.

I think you should be able to launch some sort of counter action here on the grounds that your DD is afraid of these people and therefore should not be obliged to spend time with them - at least push for supervised-only contact.

A NRP who insists on forcing contact with a distressed, terrified child is demonstrating him/herself a bad, selfish parent. If the issue is that the PWC is unreasonable and 'alienating' the child, unless the PWC is demonstrably abusive, the ethical thing is to back off, write letters etc or agree to supervised contact only rather than traumatizing the child further.

Thank you for replies. Means a lot as haven't posted much lately. Have spoken to CAFCASS this week - twice. But they phoned him and seemed to be making same noises there - but only his version. Think I will phone again. Only problem with asking for verification from teachers is that I work there - which is why I was around on his midweek pick up (he'll say I got them to say it). He'll try and use that against me too. He wouldn't allow CAFCASS to speak to kids at school (kinder for them) cos I work there as I would 'influence' it apparantly. As if!! I would be in the same building - same as I will be when I take them to an office block for their appointment This is unfolding into a horrible horrible nightmare.
We went down the supervised contact route 2 years before but he refused to see them on that basis and court made me let him see them (was putting them in physical danger then) so I've not got much faith in British/English justice at the moment. he's not been paying all his maintenace atm and magistrates wouldn't enforce it but referred it to conty court as he made such a fuss. Sems like he's getting away with everything.

feel for you - speak to cafcass again and reiterate concerns.

may be take dd to GP and ask for referral to family therapist so you get another profressional invovled?

how did go?

Cafcass advised me to make her go - as we have wishes and feelings hearing on Fri I knew I had no choice. As dd left she turned to me, tears in eys and said 'help me mummy'. Cafcass don't seem to be acting in anyone's best interests except xH's - thought they were there to help the children. Not looking forward to Friday's appointment and we've had major meltdown tonight . Cafcass don't seem to give a sh. maybe mine aren' duffering enough?! really feeling let down and powerless. They are my kids - I should be allowed not prevented by the law to make them feel safe. Obvioulsy not.

Other people with better experience and knowledge than me will probably be along soon but I think that if it was me, I would simply refuse, stating that DD is afraid of these people, and tell him and his GF to piss off and sue. I am sure there are ways to play the court process ie if you refuse to comply with what's been requested then they have to take you back to court before they can enforce anything, and you can amass more evidence of your DD's distress and XP's knobbishness.

Thanks guys. his knobbisness has increased tenfold today. DD is refusing to go nest weekend but we'll have had cafcass interview by then! BUT yesterday he arranged with DS to take him to a carnival today although it's MY day with the dc!! DS was so excited and upset with me cos he's been told I'd said no!! BUt I let him go although I did have words about not making arrangements with DC on my day. I must admit if ds hadn't been so excited about going and if we weren't in court soon I would ahve told him to piss off. DD refused to go - told her dad at the door that she had much better things to do with mummy and when he asked for a cuddle calmly replied 'no thanks' - so brave when she's with me, my wee girl. But XH has now told DS he has to promise to say he wants to live with his dad if the court says we can move. His GF told the kids that's because mummy only wants 1 child to live with her cos it's too much hard work!! F**kin cow!! I put dc right on that one but he is playing wiht their minds and bloody cafcass don't seem to care or want to help. Be over soon hopefully.

Hello Leslaki. I've not got any advice to give to you but I've read the thread and wanted to wish you and your dc good luck.