What do i say to my youngest daughter???

[niece]

Hi everyone,

I have 5 children, my eldest is 16 and he visits his dad every week.

I have 4 girls, Twins 9, 6 and a 4 yr old...

I got rid of their dad as he was a violent philandering bully!!!

I never stopped him seeing his girls, even though i had been told by social services not to let him have any contact..
( they got involved because i had to phone the police on him in the end)

To cut a very long story short, he set up home not far from my house, and went on to have 2 more children, and also took on her son as his own.

My children never remembered what he looked like as they were only 4, 1 and i was pregnant with my youngest..

If i saw him at the local shops with his new family, i just pretended that he wasn't there, as i didn't want my children to know that he was so close to them, but not wanting anything to do with them...
They even sent her son to the same pre school as my daughter, even though it wasn't the nearest to them...
When i would go and pick my daughter up, she had no idea that her dad was there..

On my twins 8th birthday they started asking questions about their dad..
Some of the kids at school had told them that their dad lived near us, and they asked me if he could come to their birthday..

They wrote him a letter, which my friend hand delivered to him personally...

To cut another long story short, i went round a month or so later, to ask him how he could not acknowledge them...

He told me that i had no right to knock on his door, and he had a new family now, and i had my family...
He really is a nasty piece of work...

I had to explain to my girls that they should just forget about trying to see their dad, which has got to be one of the hardest things i have ever had to do...

My 6 year old isn't fussed about seeing her dad...
But..

My four year old, who has only ever seen him once in town, (as my twins pointed him out to her)
Keeps asking to see her dad, and i don't know what to say to her...

Any suggestions would be very much appreciated...
She has really started playing up now, and i know that it has got to do with this...

Sorry i know this is long, and thankyou for getting to the end...

Niece - you sound like a great Mum - you've tried your utmost to give your girls a chance to know their Father. There's nothing more you could have done really.

I think you should tell your four year old the truth- something along the lines of Mummy and Daddy stopped loving each other and Daddy left.
Emphasise that it was absolutely not because of her. Children tend to blame themselves.As to why he will not see her - tell her the truth - you can't understand why (it's beyond understanding!) and emphasise how much he is missing out because she's such a special girl.

Of course, as she gets older, she will realise what an arsehole her father is.It's so sad - I honestly think men like that should be neutered like dogs! Why have children if you won't even acknowledge them?

Hi Corlan,

Thanks for reading my message as it was so long!!

Now she's getting older and she sees her older brother going to his dads at the weekends, also my best friends husband is fantastic with their children... She's realised that she's missing out..

My older girls do play me up loads, and i know it's because they are angry, and you always take it out on the ones you love the most!!

I will have to sit her down, and try to explain to her..

Thanks again, Niece

I take it your son has a different dad aye? My middle child find it very difficult that my youngest dd has a dad who wants to see her, but that she herself didn't have a dad who was interested.

She still struggles now, as her sister goes to see her dad every other weekend. However I did have to sit her down and explain that it wasn't as simple as she wanted to see her dad and he then had to see her (I wish it was). My ex was also a violent bully who met someone else and took on that woman's children as his own.

It is not easy, there is not an easy answer. What you have to do is explain that she is not missing out on anything by not having a daddy. Infact she is gaining a lovely, calm life by having just her mummy, brother and sisters in her life to love her.