This is not how I thought my life would turn out and I feel a bit sad about it

[nowherewoman]

I'm not the sort of person who imagined my white wedding to a handsome prince or anything like that, but it never entered my head that I would become a single parent, which is what has happened to me in the past couple of weeks, and I do feel sad about it. It's not been an acrimonious split or anything, in fact it seems too calm really, maybe we need to shout at each other a bit. I've lost all respect for him in the 2 years since ds was born, and I feel he really let me down, he did not give me the support I needed because he was too selfish to do that.
I may never have any more children now, I may never even have another relationship. I may never be able to train and get a better job. I may never be able to afford to go on holiday. I'm lucky to have plenty of good rl friends and family support. Just wanted to put down in words some of how I am feeling at the moment. Thanks for listening.

Hi Nowhere

I don't really have much to say but didn't want to read and not post.

I'm a couple of steps behind you I think, what you said about losing respect for dh sums up very well how I'm feeling atm and is much more eloquent than my mammoth rant i've just posted!

I think that your post is very sad and probably reflects very well how you're feeling right now, but it also shows that there are positives lurking there. You've said you may not do things, so of course b the same token you may do those things and be very happy doing them and there's every chance that is much more likely.

You're sad about your situation but seemingly not regretting your decision which is also positive and you say you have lots of support.

With all this in mind, I am sure you will settle into your new life, riding with the ups and downs and who knows what you may achieve

I wish you lots of luck

'I may never have any more children now, I may never even have another relationship. I may never be able to train and get a better job. I may never be able to afford to go on holiday.'

That bit should read "Next time I have child it will be with a man who will support me and love me. My next relationship will be better because I have learnt that I deserve the best. No I have no one holding me back/putting me down I can train for my dream job. I will pay for my next holiday to somewhere I want to go because there will no one to say they'd rather go elsewhere"

Seriously, you never know what is just around the corner. If you want another relationship then I am sure, in time it will happen. What is stopping you train for a better job?

I know how you feel. I think I will be a single parent by the time the summer hols begin. I've been married for 14 years, since I was 18. I've got 3 dc (12, 10, 3). I've got no qualifications, I've always been a SAHM. I'm terrified about setting up on my own, being responsible for finances etc (I've never done it as I've never earnt - one of the issues).

And yet... I'm also thrilled and viewing it as an opportunity to give dc a happier, more stable life. I want to spend more time with my own parents (something which has always been discouraged). I may not be able to afford the kind of holidays we have now but, what the hell, I'll buy a tent if I have to.

Right now, I'm not even thinking of another relationship. I've been in one for so long, from when I was so young that I'm not sure who I really am. I have no idea what music I like, I've never made choices about the clothes I wear, I want to be able to work out what food I like most. I have no idea if I want to lose weight for me or if I'm happy as I am but have always had someone nagging me. In short, I want to take a few years to get to know ME and for my dc to get to know ME as opposed to half of mum & dad.

Don't get me wrong - I'd rather not be in this situation. I'd rather that I could fix our marriage. But I think it's gone beyond that and I think one of us has to have the courage to say that. And it's not just him that's killed it - it's def a two-way thing.

Sorry about the essay. Like you say - I just needed to get that off my chest.

I know how you feel. im a few years down the line, and would not for a second change a thing. But sometimes, i still feel that this wasnt what i wanted, and it wasnt what i planned and its all a bit rubbish.

I have resigned myself to the fact that i will never have another child ( and i only have one) that its unlikely ill ever live with another man ( im not emotionally avaliable at all, and kind of dont want to be)

But, mostly im ok about it, im happy, i do what i like, when i like, my child is fine.

just wanted to sympathise.

Shiny that is a beautiful re wording of the OP's post.. can you rewrite my script for me at the moment?

I know where you are at OP but try to stay ever hopeful of making changes and improvements, even if they are not at the stages and speed I would like...

You may teach us all how to rewrite our scripts Shiney

Thanks everyone. I was feeling really crap yesterday, but I feel a lot more positive today, partly thanks to all your replies. GooddaysBaddays you're right, I don't regret our decision at all, I just wish we had stayed the same people we used to be who loved and cared about each other, but unfortunately that was never going to be the case when ds came along.
ShinyandNew I'm just hoping that you're right, but I'm scared now that I'll keep getting it wrong. I think I'll stay on my own for a while tbh and try to work out what I want and obviously what's best for ds.
rainyweather I've only got one child too, not even sure that I want another, but now it seems like I've not got the option anymore. buttonmoon I've never spent more than about 3 months not in a realtionship since I was 19!(two long term relationships) It will be nice to be alone I think. I'm still just so surprised how things have turned out.

Glad you're feeling better today

I've been in two relationships since I was 15 and only had a matter of weeks between the two! Have 4 dc's now and I do wonder if it's a need to be on my own that is making me feel like this, and finding problems.

I see how together people are on here and how they cope with much worse than I am feeling and I think 'I can do that'

Then I worry that maybe I'm just bored and miserable and will still be bored and miserable on my own.

I totally understand when you say you wish you had stayed the same people, but the trouble is i quite like the person i am now better than who I was before but I think I've 'outgrown' dh, and don't know if I'd want the old r new him!

Sorry for the hijak, went off on one a bit there

Ah I wonder if everyone has that 'Talking Heads' 'Once in a Lifetime' feeling?

You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack,
And you may find yourself in another part of the world,
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile,
You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife,
You may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

I always thought of myself as being too selfish and childish to have kids. And yet I've been a single parent of 3 children for oooh I think it's 9 years now. I don't think I make a particularly great parent, I'm sure I make more than my fair share of goofs and mistakes. I guess whether your single or in a releationship, bringing up kids is hard work. But there are also some great rewards for your efforts!!

Ah well some days your up, and some days your down. Try not to worry too much as there's still lots of wonderfull moments to be looking forward to ... now take it away David Byrne

.... Leting the days go by, ... into the blue again, after the money's gone .... doo be doo be doo ...

Nowherewoman, these feelings fade, they really do. I was soo desperatly happy when my sad marriage finally come to an end and I could breath again. But then the realisation set in that I was alone with 3dc and would probably stay so..still very realistic (I never get out to meet anyone anyway) but I've moved on from this and now see many advantages of my new life. I think what your going through is part of the mourning that must follow when a relationship (however bad) comes to an end, takes time to find new values, hope etc and time to heal.

I didn't see myself being a single parent but it's bettre than being stuck in a horrid relationship.

Feeling good today, I've noticed myself laugh out loud on several occasions over the past couple of days, something that I thought I just didn't have the capacity to do any more. Onwards and upwards!

I agree with poshsinglemum. This isn't how I expected my life to turn out either. There's an analogy in cards: its not the hand you are dealt with, its how you play it. Good luck.

You have some truly great advice in here already, and I'm glad you're feeling better...

My life isn't what I wanted either. I couldn't have children for so long (had lots of intervention there) and i used to say I would give anything to have a child... Then it seemed I did...

Anyway, just keep getting up, one day after the next, enjoy the laughter, let the tears wash away the pain, and suddenly it's a year, 2 years etc and life still isn't what you expected but it's ok! Keep hanging in there, you're stronger than you think!

Good luck!