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New single parent - help please

4 replies

buttonmoon78 · 13/07/2010 06:40

I think my marriage has finally come to an end. I don't want to go into reasons why - yes, he's a git, but I'm not perfect either and there's def fault on both sides.

Anyhow, the issue is, I'm s SAHM, I have no real qualifications, no money of my own, our house is jointly owned but he's the only one who's put into the mortgage.

What do I do? At the moment, he won't leave and nor will I. I won't leave our kids. I'm not allowed to take 'his' kids. (BTW kids are dd 12, dd 10, ds 3).

What will I be able to get benefits wise? Am about to go onto entitled to webpage but I'm really a bit lost.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
missedith01 · 13/07/2010 06:51

You can claim child benefit, tax credits and income support as a lone parent (I think IS until your youngest is 10 but this may change under the new government).

gillybean2 · 13/07/2010 08:26

Definitely don't move out of the house or leave your children with him unless you want him to become their main carer. Going to court later to get them back will be complicated as courts don't like to see big changes to current arrangements and try and get you to agree on arrangements while they drag things out work through their process.

If things get nasty or aggressive you can get him removed from the house. But the same can also be said of you. So you just have to deal with it and keep things 'calm' for the sake of the children. Do document every incident that occurs, don't ignore any aggressive or violent behaviour (see a sol if it gets that way), and don't be dragged into any arguements as he may well be doing so to get you out of the house.

You can be separated but living in the same house until the divorce/house is sorted. Look on gingerbread and Families need fathers websites to get more info, advice and help with your situation.

www.fnf.org.uk/about-us/aims-and-objectives

www.gingerbread.org.uk/portal/page/portal/Website

As your youngest is under 7 you don't need to worry just yet about working. However this new government is planning on lowering the age (of your youngest child to 5) at which point you will swap to JSA rather than IS. You will then have to actively search for work and not automatically be entitled to benefits. Something to bear in mind for teh future but not to worry about just yet.

CAB can help if you have legal questions or need advice with benefits etc. A solicitor can give you 30 mins free time before you have to pay. If you have specific questions you can of course ring round and use a different solicitor to get another free half an hour if necessary. Don't spend time on preamble and waffle nicetiest. Get straight to the point and try and do as much research before hand so you know what you need to ask before you go.

Definitely get legal advice re divorce and splitting your assets. No matter how much you trust your ex to do the right thing when it comes to divorce even the nicest partner can screw you over.

If you can work out the arrangements wrt the dc without a solicitor so much the better and it will save you all years months of angst, court appearances and money. However you may be able to get legal aid if you have no money coming in apart from benefits and have no significant savings. A sol will help you apply for this.

Look at this website for details on shared parenting arrangements. Please bear in mind shared parenting does NOT mean equal time. It means equal responsibility for your dc and for them to know they have two equally important and significant parents who are still a very important part of their lives

home.clara.net/spig/

Good luck, and stay strong. Things will get better for you in the long term, but it will take a long time before that happens. Don't try and rush through the grieving process. You are losing your relationship, your future and your life plans and it takes time to deal with it all like any loss does.

Come here for help, advice and support. There's plenty of us around who you can turn too.
Best wishes

MamiLove · 13/07/2010 09:56

Thanks for all the info, gillybean2

buttonmoon78 · 13/07/2010 13:26

Gillybean2 - you are a star. I guess you're either an old hand at this or involved professionally. Whichever, it's been useful.

BTW, any ideas on where savings stand in terms of whose name their in? He's got quite a few accounts which are in his name solely. Would I be likely to get any of that or just things in joint names ie the house?

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