Me and DH have just agreed to split :-(

[Horshamchildminder]

Me and DH have just agreed to split up. I am very upset and haven't told anybody yet. He is still here as I am working till 10pm tomorrow and don't have childcare but then he is leaving first thing on wednesday morning, to stay with his mum, if she will have him.

We are already completly skint as it is and have no money for anything.

What the hell am I going to do? I know I will get housing benefit and IS but I assume they take weeks to sort out? I litterally have about £20 to my name, which DH will have to use to get the trains to his Mums house in London. We have hardly any food in and I now wont be able to go out to work to earn anything (I just work casually for sitters as and when I can).

I have 2 DC - aged 14 months and 2.5 years.

What the hell do I tell DD1?!

I am so upset - but I know this is for the best in the long run. We have just moved miles away from everybody we know except his Dad. So I don't have any support locally. And DH will be 2 hours on the train away.

when is payday??

it seems impossible now,but will get easier.
how does he propose to have contact being so far away?

IS doesnt take too long to sort

He has just been paid, but all it did was clear the over draft, which will be maxed out again tomorrow when the rent come out when I will be back with being over my overdraft and being charged for it

I was also meant to be meeting with some parents this week about starting childminding again in September after moving here a couple of months ago. But realistically, this changes everything.

I am renting - can my estate agent do anything? I know lots of places say they dont accept people on benefits? Do I have to tell them?!

The important thing is not to panic. Check out the state help you will able to get at www.entitledto.co.uk and follow it up with a visit to CAB. Things like the estate agent can wait. However, I would go ahead with meeting the parents to keep your options open for a week or so.

It's best if you tell your DD together in a factual way - Mum and Dad no longer will be living together but she is still loved by both of you and Dad will see her whenever he can.

Hello Horsham I have just found myslef in the same positions as you, I am a SAHM and having to move out into rented accomodation on the DSS.

The best thing to do is phone up your local Jobcentre and they will sort out some Income support.

Then call the Child tax credit people and change to Lone parent as opposed to a couple - that equates to a lot of extra money.

The Housing offices of your local council is another one to ring as they will either put you on the waiting list for a council property or you can find a private rent and they will pay you a set amount per week towards it.
Also If your housing is paid through the DSS then you will have some or all of your council tax paid too.
The concils normally have a list of rental agencies who accept DSS

If you are on Income support you can get help towards some school dinners and sometimes uniforms too.
Hope any if this helps (its amazing how much a person can learn about benefits in the space of a few days isn't it!)

Good luck

If your living on an overdraft open another bank account to get your money paid into. Landlord can't evict you for being on benefits but it would be in your best interst to call them to tell them whats happened and let them know rent maybe a bit late. I'm assuming if you've recently moved your on a 6 month contract so Landlord might be unwilling to renew the contract but it might be worth considering moving back to your original area. Depending where you live Housing Association property is hard to come by but with whats happened if you can prove ties to a certain area it will put you in a better position.

Tell your X that food for the kids is far more important than a comfortable journey back to mummy's and your keeping the £20. When you contact the job centre take bank statements with and explain you have nothing to live on and you need a crisis loan. They may well give you £30 but you can do this weekly until your claim is processed, this will then be paid back out of your benefit.

i will very soon be in the same situation.

i gave up my job in may to become a CM. because of that i have been told i wont be entitled to any HB or IS til 13 weeks after i left my job which will be the end of august. my CM pre reg course doesn't start til october and god knows how long after that i will be registered. i will have to get a job in between now and then but will have to get a CM. this cost £70 more a month than my salary brought in in my last job. how can i afford to do that? i think i will have to move myself and the boys back in with my mum, which will be a nightmare but i will have no choice. unless OH decides to be incredibly generous (doubtful) and pays the rent until i am earning.

My advice is to call the different benefits ooffice asap. It shouldn;t take too long to get IS setup, you can begin your claim today over the phone. Make sure you do it today as all benefits start from the nearest Monday to when you first make contact. HB can take a little longer, but I think as someone else advised if you were to speak to your landlord they should give you a little extra time to pay.

If you are at the stage where you have no money at all, you can apply for emergency benefit, I think they call it a emergency social fund or something similar. This can give you some money to buy your essentials, and you can often pick up a check which you can cash at a post office the same day or very soon after you put it in.

I would also speak to your work in case you need to go in for appointments for benefits.

Are you sure you have to wait 13 weeks? I gave up my job in order to take up a course and in between the one ending and the other beginning me and my partner split. I got HB and IS.

Do NOT move from your house voluntarily. If you do so and then ask the council for help in getting you on the housing listand going for council accommodation they can say you made yourself voluntairly homeless and refuse to help you. I know it sounds awful but your best bet is to talk to your landlord and stay put, if they do try to kick you out the council HAVE to help you by law to find new accommodation.

Also I would advise making an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Beureau asap. Often benefits peoples give bad or inccorect advice because the system is so complicated, but at the CAB they have people trained to advocate for you and to help you apply for benefits and know what you are entitled to.

I know this is terribly scary, but there IS a system in place for these sorts of situations and the best thing you can do is to stay calm and not make and snap decisions and find out as much info as you can about what you are entitled to, then don;t take no for an answer.

Also if you are now a single mum on no income you are entitled to child tax credit.

hth.

DH CANT get home without the £20. He doesnt drive and the train is the only option.

I am about to ring for IS and HB etc now.

Thanks for all the info. I will reply back in detail when I have a bit more time.

I am also thinking about cancelling my booking with sitters tonight. They will have the hump and I will loose the £30 I would of earnt, but I am not really in a state to do it, which isn't fair on the family I would be sitting for. It also means he can go today, as there is a horrible atmosphere here, which is effecting the DDs. But then again £30 would do us food for a week or so...

do the work....you need to put you and your children first!!

Thats what I am trying to do whitecherry

I have just spoken to HB and CTB and they have said I should get my rent and council tax paid, providing I get accepted for IS. Just waiting for DH to take the kids out the way and I am going to ring IS.

Not looking forward to sorting out the tax credits. I had just fiinished doing the joint claim which took for ever. They seem to make everything such hard work

Have you applied for a crisis loan? You have to answer just about every question known to man, and it can feel degrading but it's better than nothing. Good luck pet x

I have now got an appointment thursday for IS and have got a new tax credits form on its way. Healthy start applied for and HB is just a matter of waiting now.

Can't decide if the crisis loan is a good idea or not - The extra money would be great but if it is just going to come out of my benefits then it might just be worse as I would then have less benefits each month?

Housing benefit have now said I wont get the full rent paid as I only need a 2 bed flat as my DC are same sex. They are still giving me a lot of money but adding up rough figgures, the outgoings are still going to be higher than incomings.

I have a £200 loan that comes out each month, as well as overdue utitily bills and council tax bills.

Thanks to everybody on this thread

www.moneysavingexpert.com is great - you can look at changing your energy supplier/phone/broadband etc providers to cheaper ones, and that website will take you through the best ways to do that.

It also has an 'up your income' section, which gives ideas on how to make a bit extra cash, and also hints and tips to reduce grocery spend. One MSE member has created this website: www.cheap-family-recipes.org.uk/ which provides recipes, menu plans and costings for a family of four to eat from a budget of £100 per MONTH.

You could also look at maybe extending the term of the loan to reduce your monthly payments now? or transfer the loan to a lower interest rate - eg life of balance credit card? Again, details on the website I noted above.

Thanks. I will definatly look at those sites. I did some food shopping last night on the way home from babysitting, with the aim of just spending the £40 that I earnt from babysitting (kind lady gave me extra!) but I got a shock at the checkout, it coming to £60 and I didnt seem to have much. Its fruit that really bumps it up. Anyway, I tried my card and hoped for the best, it went through but I checked my balance when I was outside and I am nearly £800 overdrawn, and only have a £500 overdraft. So I am going to be paying charges as well.

I think I will talk about the crisis loan with somebody today.

I am trying to sell lots of things too, to give us some cash. But its easier said than done. I sold most of our good stuff when we moved.

that £60 shop would feed myself a 5 dc for a week....dont you mentally add it up as you go along? fruit isnt as necessary as everyone thinks!! you dont neeed every variety

Whitecherry, it will do us for about 2 weeks, with what we had already, topping up with bread and milk in between.

Does anybody know what month blackberrys are ripe in this country? I have loads growing in the garden so I am hoping that will do us fruit for a while.. We also have strawberries growing but we don't get that many.

HOusing benefit have now said I wont get it all paid, just most of it.

blackberries.....i think they are a autumn fruit? late summer perhaps.

Not really got any practical advise but can't read this and run. All the best for sorting things out.

The library might have some information on places for support as there may well be charities in your area that can help.

I recently became a single mnom myself and finding it a bit rough. just giving you some words of encouragement:

"with faith like a mustard seed...you can move mountains.. keep your chin up.