How to find mum friends in my area?

[Nelly14]

Hey guys, I was wondering if you have any tips on how to find mum friends in your area? Are there any specific apps like peanut which are free? Or is there anything else you used or did? xxx

How old are your kids?

I am actually still pregnant but due next month with my first child

NCT and make a big effort with the other women there

Look out for NCT coffee mornings near you. You don’t need to be a member.

Does your street have a WhatsApp group? Maybe post there. Church playgroups? Meet up?

Do you have non mum friends? Don’t discount keeping in touch with them.

Oh I did not know that, I thought it was only for members, thanks!

Yes, I do but they are just really far away for a daily basis and to meet during the day x

No we don’t have a WhatsApp group but also good ideas, thank you!!

I did baby massage which was a weekly course for 6 weeks and add a massive effort with the mums on my course and some friendships stuck!

We were lucky we still had children centres so saw the same faces there and after baby massage we’d all still go to some of the sessions while still on maternity leave!!

We’ve moved now and I’m struggling to make any kind of network despite trying!!

I did a post birth NCT thing which was great. 6 sessions with baby in tow and met some lovely people

Yes, I was thinking about going to groups and classes like this!

yes I know how you feel, didn’t grew up here so I also find it hard to make friends as an adult to be honest x

NCT was brilliant for me, two of the mums are now my best friends and DS has been friends with the kids for 12 years.

After the classes ended one of the girls invited us all to her house and we then carried on a weekly meeting at someone’s house throughout maternity leave. The support with a newborn was amazing, to have everyone in the same boat with babies the same age helped me so much. Good luck (:

Wow that’s amazing!! Really happy for you,
thank you!

Had first in covid so no NCT and with second I attended lots of classes but after 6 months as had do much going on. Found it was easy to chat to people but nothing really seemed to stick despite offering - maybe it’s me 😂

I’d suggest maybe trying to attend classes when the baby is a little younger and you’ve more time before going back to work.

It’s hard making friends as an adult but I’m sure if you join NCT you’ll make good connections there.

pregnancy yoga

mum and baby classes when your little one arrives

Another vote for NCT. I did the antenatal course so all babies due around the same time. Met great friends who I spent a lot of time with on mat leave and then afterwards.

NCT is an expensive gamble. I didn’t do it, but friends of mine that did had very mixed results, with some having no friends after the initial newborn phase ends and some with more lasting connections - it ultimately depends on who else is in your group, whether you have anything in common, and whether they’re permanent residents (I’m not sure where you are in London, but I’m in South London and it is very common to move out after having kids as people need to upgrade properly size). If you have the money, it might be a gamble you want to take. If budget is more limited then I would save funds for groups after the birth (of which there are tonnes). There are also plenty of free stay and plays dotted around. Regardless of the setting, you just have to put yourself out there - I have a 4 and 2 year old and the best friends I have made post kids are one random women I spoke to in the playground, and another I spoke to at a small soft play cafe - they are both now incredibly close and important to me, and more crucially our relationship goes beyond kids. These are women I would have in my life even if we didn’t have little ones. I think it is important to have connections with fellow mums, as you can share experiences, but lasting friends need more, and that is what can take time to find. I kissed a lot of frogs before I found ‘my people’. So put yourself out there, don’t be afraid to suggest swapping numbers with women you meet, but also remember that you need a real connection to form a lasting friendship (which ultimately much more rewarding).

Local church playgroups. You don't have to be religious.

One thing I would say is it is very easy to talk to strangers when you have a baby/small person. Suddenly speaking to random people is much easier and less awkward. Kids come with some kind of invisible permission slip to break the weird social norms that would usually prevent you from approaching someone you don’t know and ask for their number 10 minutes later. Kids also encourage quick communication as you are inevitably distracted and have at least half an eye on them. I have shared a lot very quickly with people I didn’t even now and it’s ended in laughs. So if it seems impossible to think you will randomly meet friends, I would reassure you that it’s an entirely different social experience when you become a mum!

You might be a bit late but try a bump and baby group. We met our group 8 years ago and we are all still friends. 10 families go on holiday together every summer. Well worth a couple of hundred pounds.

I also did a mums and bubs pub quiz. Great excuse to go have a glass of bubbles in the middle of the day! I did it with people I met at NCT but it ended up as a bit of a hodge podge group of someone you know invites an another etc etc.

If you have one in your area you could contact the organisers and see if they have a group made up of people in your boots (sometimes these types of things do).

I’ve also tagged along to a few other groups of the hodge podge variety - I think it really is a numbers game. Just turn up to stuff and be friendly and perhaps mention that you’re looking to find mums in the area and sooner rather than later you might meet someone who says “oh I’ve started to tag along to a little coffee morning for mums in the area, you should come one morning too”.