FWB in London: Is anyone actually having success on the apps?

[jflavus]

Hi all,
I am new here and throwing this post here in case anyone’s had better luck than me..
I’m a 30 year old guy, living in Central London, reasonably decent looking and not looking for anything serious right now, more of a casual (FWB-style).
I’ve tried apps like Feeld, Tinder, and OkCupid over the past year or so, but honestly haven’t had much success. Barely even manage to get a conversation going, let alone meet-ups.
I look after myself, but have had tendon issues and knee issues so from being very fit now I am an average in terms of body. However, I look after myself, all my teeth are intact, I am very clean and not a drinker and not a smoker. I am wondering if I am unlucky for not getting any matches, when I do, replies vary between 1-2 weeks and after the initial message exchanges I get unmatched for no reason. I have got high sex drive and obviously would love to meet someone who would be happy to be a friend, do these things together but feel like no luck..

Curious if anyone’s actually had success finding something casual in London these days and if so, which apps worked for you? Or do you have any tips for me ?

TBH OP, you sound quite dull. And like PPs say, men who just want sex without strings are ten a penny in the online dating world. You don't seem to be offering much.

I would also wonder why a thirty year old man wasn't interested in a relationship.

Thanks all for your replies
I appreciate people taking the time to respond. I just want to clarify a couple of things and add some context that might’ve been lost:
I’m not against relationships in principle, I’ve just moved around a lot (and still do) and prefer not to start something I can't fully commit to. That’s why I’m upfront about looking for something more casual. It’s not about “getting something for nothing,” it’s about honesty and mutual interest as the name suggests Friends with Benefits.

What I was hoping for and what I still welcome is practical advice or constructive tips ( some of you have already given that and many thanks to those ). If I’m not coming across the right way online, I’d genuinely like to hear how I could improve that. Whether it's how I frame my profile, change my approach, or adjust expectations, I’m open to feedback hence I have posted my post. When I read some of the comments it is clear that some people are bringing their own emotional baggage and disappointments into their replies. I'm genuinely sorry if for any reason that you experienced something bad but please be objective.
Most of the negative responses weren’t wrong in saying it’s tough for men to find FWB but they were rude, personal, and unnecessarily dismissive.

I don’t think that kind of tone encourages honest discussion or helps anyone learn. I came here in good faith, and I still welcome thoughtful input.
Thanks again to those who engaged respectfully.

PS: I’ve actually had three serious relationships in the past, with the shortest lasting 2.5 years and I was betrayed quite badly in that one. I just want something more casual at this stage of my life.

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When I read some of the comments it is clear that some people are bringing their own emotional baggage and disappointments into their replies. I'm genuinely sorry if for any reason that you experienced something bad but please be objective.
Most of the negative responses weren’t wrong in saying it’s tough for men to find FWB but they were rude, personal, and unnecessarily dismissive.

Ha ha. Yes it's a total mystery why you can't find casual sex on the internet, once women have had a few chats with you.

Right and comments like this are exactly why I clarified that I was looking for constructive advice, not sarcasm dressed as insight. If you’ve got something useful to offer, I’m all ears. If not, I’ll carry on learning from the people who responded with a feedback.

So can you explain why men make these silly comments about having their own teeth? Men under 60 that is. Genuinely want to know

FWB benefits sounds convenient and dull and certainly isn’t offering any kind of fantasy. A friend of mine used to say about her FWB ‘I’ll fuck him until I find someone better’ . That kind of sums it up really. She certainly never went out and did anything interesting with him.

Maybe say you are looking for companionship and fun. That sort of means the same thing but sounds slightly more enticing.

Mentioning that all my teeth are intact isn’t meant to sound funny or silly, but rather to reassure that I’m someone who values personal hygiene and health. In the UK, dental hygiene and the state of one’s teeth can be surprisingly variable and, from my experience, many people don’t prioritise it.

Thanks for sharing that perspective, I get where you’re coming from. I appreciate the suggestion about framing it as “companionship and fun” rather than just “FWB.” It does sound more appealing and I’ll consider tweaking my profile wording to reflect that. 😋

So you think it's a selling point? If your looking at women's profiles and someone mentions that they brush their teeth and wash themselves are you going to be like- stop press! I've found a rose amongst the thorns ?? Its surely basics to have good hygiene, no need to mention it. If your being serious its very dull.

Thanks for the comment. I agree that basic hygiene should be a given and not something to have to highlight. But in reality, not everyone meets that basic standard, especially in casual dating spaces, so mentioning it can be a subtle way to reassure and set a baseline.
It’s less about trying to sell myself on that point alone and more about being upfront and honest about who I am. Everyone has different priorities and red flags, and for me, personal care is one of them.

Many women of the age you're probably looking for aren't that interested in "FWB"

I'm guessing your not from Britain originally yeah? Just trust me- dont mention it, it's not doing you any favours. To entice a woman to want to have fun with a stranger dont be talking about teeth and hygiene

No I am not. I am South Italian and a bit of Greek mixture. You're British I assume. Thanks for the advice.

The trouble with mentioning "companionship and fun" is that it gives an implication that, if that went well, things could go further. Whereas this guy just wants a shag.

Yes just advice 😊 obviously also try to look your best if it's a physical thing you are after, no feelings are involved so she will need to be sexually attracted to you.

Yes, I used to be very physically fit but as I said, have been having some issues with my health, so once I recover and can train pain free. I would be going back to my training! 🙂

I wasn't being negative, I was being rational. What you probably don't realise is that even an ok looking forty/fifty year old woman on a hook up website receives around 200-300 messages in a week. Many of these messages are extremely creative, even romantic, despite the hook up nature of the site. Many of those men are in their 20s and 30s and are attractive. Many beg, offer dinners out, massage, hot tubs etc etc. Getting a woman who wants something casual like that is practically winning the lottery. Most women don't want it. You're not succeeding because, as I said, only the Olympians win at those odds. If you had 200 women writing to you, would you choose the hot 25 year old bombshell or the 35 year old who has a dodgy knee and a bit of pudge round the middle?....keeping in mind that the relationship is going to be purely physical, no commitment. You need to face reality. Even forty year olds are probably out of reach for the zero commitment stuff. I'm not saying it to dishearten you, quite the opposite. It's to realise you're probably a fairly good looking guy but online you're going to be one in 200 guys who all seem a bit similar after a while. I'd say you need to find a unique selling point and learn to be fairly persistent and personalise your responses, try to get them to voice call quickly etc. It's why many men lie and say they're looking for something serious.

As PP said above, you could go down the friends first route, looking at apps like Hinge, Bumble, focusing on shared hobbies.

Or style yourself as busy professional guy in 30s (who doesn't have time for a relationship).

I will have to say that doing the friendship stuff and I do have a lot to offer even for a relationship. Women do have high expectations and regardless of age neither is better or worse. It is the mindset and focus that all men are group the same just as all women are grouped the same.

Myself don't care for sex with women. It is just assumed regardless when I am straight up front. I am taking peace over wasted time on apps. Women are losing out on good men dispite the age.

And the flooding of women that are p2p are taking full advantage. So as a man just stop engaging with women and let them feel what the men are struggling with.

Men too are emotional, deserve respect and have boundaries. Don't make them a simp. Means they are real and truly have their shit together.

I have turned down countless of women for sex and varying dynamics because of assumptions, personal sexual well being or lack of integrity. If i want a woman for fwb. Its not just the sex and they would be treated with respect and friendship love not just nsa hole. And certainly would be a lady to encourage safe sex. They say men don't practice safe sex women are just as bad with it. Not shaming here but honestly health is more important then just some quick release.

If it was a relationship it goes much deeper. I also now double check places to see if they have been on fetish sites, escort sites and other sites.

I have had women admit to me that they barebacked 25+ men and had 10 on the go. None of these men knew how many fwb or nsa she was with let alone bareback with ejaculating and then have another 2 men do the same back to back without cleaning herself. And men went down on them.

The fact some purposely get tied, or take the morning after pill like it is candy. Says something about the lack of sexual safety for herself and partners. Lack of self respect and honesty.

So much I witness and heard. As a man I will be very selective and always wrap it up. Even for oral sex. Ltr or fwb.

The stuff I have heard and seen out there. Is a big nope. But honestly fellas, just step back as hard as it can be. It will be when the time is right. Many men are pulling back and women are getting frustrated. These are the men worthwhile for the right dynamic and woman.

Lovely post