Would you move to be near family?

[CheshireCat89]

Currently feeling very confused and would love people's thoughts/experiences re the dilemma we are facing. DH and I are from a City up north (Chester) but moved to London after university for our careers. 15 years later we are still here, though now living in the commuter belt in Kent and with two small children aged 3 and 1. We have built up a network of friends (many who also have small children), we love the area and the lifestyle and are both fairly content with our jobs (though DH works silly hours at times). HOWEVER, our family all live between 3 hours and 5 hours away and I really miss them. Its a real slog to pack bags for everyone and haul the family down the motorway for 5 hours every time we want to see them and I'm really sad for my children that they aren't spending regular quality time with family. I feel we are missing out, weekends are often a bit empty feeling and I miss being able to just pop in to see family. We also have very little help with the children (though we have never know anything different so are used to it). The problem is, if we moved back to our home town our job prospects for the industries we work in would be badly impacted (DH may even have to spend week days down in London and overnights etc to make it feasible), we'd miss our friends and the lifestyle we have created here. The weather is also much better here! I feel like either way there are big compromises and I don't know what to do. Our eldest is due to start reception next year so it feels like it's now or never. The weight of the decision is wearing me down and I'd love any thoughts/to hear from people who have been in a similar position - what did you decide and did it work out?

Many people do. I personally wouldn't give up financial stability but then again I don't have a particularly close relationship with my family. Money is one of the biggest causes of stress, arguments, and divorce.

I don't think Chester is cheap, either, how are you going to cope with the drop in lifestyle if you can't maintain good salaries? You run the risk of setting yourselves up for poverty. Sorry to be so blunt but I'm not sure there a polite way of phrasing that.

If your husband is going to have to spend the week in London, how will that affect your relationship if you don't see him 80% of the time, how will his relationship with his children be affected - will he become an uninvolved stranger?

Why are your weekends empty if you have a good network of friends and each other? Surely weekends are for quality family time. Do you need lots of socialising?

I think if you can crunch the numbers and get jobs lined up then by all means move. But there's a lot at stake here.

I wouldn’t move expecting childcare help, plenty of otherwise doting grandparents aren’t keen to do regular childcare.

In a few years the DC will have a merry go round of parties, activities, playdates, you’ll have made friends via nursery and school (hopefully!) and your weekends will feel a lot less empty.

I get that travelling with small DC is a slog. Can your family come to you?

Similar position (down to the locations you mentioned!) and having moved earlier this year we are so grateful we did it. Financially excellent choice (childcare less than half term price with reduced fees and with some family assistance) l, cheaper houses, more space with town spread out better and even wider streets, good local amenities, excellent travel connections, and most especially near dear dear family! We do have to spend time in London for work still however. (Though I think Chester to London has pretty decent connections via Euston?)

If you start looking now you could have a place up here for late spring early summer - don't want to do a winter move and that will help you adjust to the difference in weather.

Thanks all for your replies. So much to consider. Useful to hear other viewpoints!