How to make decision around having kids?

[KindPeer]

Hi, I'm 31, feeling biological clock pressure and wondering how other people made decisions about having kids?

I've been with my partner for 10 years, he has a good stable tech job (£120k). His job needs to be London-based for now. I've recently switched careers, my current role will come to an end by Christmas. I expect it'll be tough to get my next gig and then I'll probably end up with an entry level-type role for my next job .

We live on a boat in a Zone 2 marina (stable place not moving around the canals) and while it's cheap and cosy for 2 I don't think it would be suitable for kids. We have a good friend circle and spend a lot of time travelling, sailing, doing DIY at the moment. I'm from another country and my partner's family live in Scotland, so no family nearby.

As more time goes by I find myself day-dreaming about having family, tiny feet, creating a home etc. But I don't know anyone with kids (only child, no friends have kids yet) so I feel like the idea of having a family is very hypothetical and not grounded in real life. I go between reading random Mumsnet posts and having a rose-tinted daydreams, neither feels like a good information source. Partner is ambivalent, happy to have kids or not.

Anyone have any advice on how they made their decision? Did you find ways to gather information, spend more time with kids etc ahead of time before taking the leap?

What does your partner imagine for his future, and your future together? Honestly you can over plan life and it's not what you imagine in the end. Other people's kids aren't really an indication of how you'll feel with your own

Only have kids if you really want kids. That's it really.

If you're on the fence/ambivalent then don't have any.

I'd be a bit apprehensive if your partner is ambivalent. You don't want everything to fall on you. If you do decide to try, please get married first, especially if there is an income disparity between the two of you, as this will likely only be made worse if you have kids. Being married gives you some financial protection if you split. You both need to think practically about your future together and how you picture it. I wouldn't base your decision on others' kids, everyone's experience is unique.

100% this.

My husband and I always knew we wanted kids and so for us it was about deciding what position we wanted to be in before having them and getting there before trying. For us that was buying a house, getting married, both having stable jobs, having some savings behind us. Once we got those things done we started trying and now have a 5 month old and couldn’t be happier but having kids isn’t for everyone and lots of people have different experiences.

Hi I am 31 too, 32 next month. TTC now but facing fertility issues.

We are on combined £121k, DH is experiencing anxiety at work which isn't great. We have £48k in savings( though 28k of that is in my home country) and our mortgage on our 2 bed flat is £1282. Its not our ideal forever home as its v small, but the mortgage is ok for now and we wouldn't need a larger place in case we don't conceive so not a fan of taking the financial leap if we don't need to.

What actually triggered it was seeing my SIL's baby daughter and she told me at that time that she didn't have enough money for the baby but it would all work out. I had been using the withdrawal method for 8 years at that point (since I got married) but never actually TTC so decided to do the rhythm method to ease myself into it (only withdraw on what i thought were my fertile days which I gleaned from plotting my cycle on a calendar app). 6 months of that and i wasn't pregnant. So i was worried I was infertile and decided to just start trying and it has been a year and I am still not pregnant.

We are going through fertility investigations but no real answers yet. I think that was the trigger- the thought that we may not be that fertile as we haven't used artificial contraception for 9 years and that it may take us years to conceive.

If there is an issue, then it may take years to fix. However we are a minority of couples, 85% of couples below the age of 35 conceive within a year and even the vast majority of women aged 35 to 40 conceive within a year.