I'm struggling and wish I had a friend or someone like a family to watch out for me. Adulting alone is quite hard.

[redfivediamonds]

I want to explain all I've been through in the clearest possible way. I am a young adult (20 F) who has been struggling for a while. I was forced to start living on my own for the last 6 months when I truly wasn't ready. I had to move out due to personal differences between my mother hence I was threatened with Homelessness because of being NEET, plus we didn't get on in general. I've never lived with my father, he disappeared when I was younger. We didn't have a good relationship for various reasons but mostly as I wasn't like my peers in education or employment. I wish I never had to move out this way. I stayed in a Women's Domestic Victims Refuge for some months, and then now in a council temporary accommodation.

Upon leaving Refuge, you can choose any council to make a homeless application to. Then they conduct their own assessment and place you in temporary accommodation for however long it takes. As I am in temporary accommodation though grateful to have a place to stay, I really wish I wasn't going through this. I don't like how I have to wait for such a long time and become very anxious. I wish I was living in a house with parental support still. I really hate living like this. I miss living in a house like a family with separate rooms and others, not alone in a studio. I don't have anyone to support me. I am depressed and unemployed while living on Universal Credit and Housing Benefit which saddens me. I would rather have been still living at home, not like this. (I'm not able to go back of course).

I struggle with adjusting to new things in general, and especially being in a new location. It's just hard for me. While I am considered high functioning, I do struggle a bit with my ASD. I also have feelings of loneliness, depression and anxiety. Things such as having to go to the launderette as there isn't a communal washer or dryer within the building really stresses me. It's just the additional cost plus having to carry all the laundry to and back, plus the wait time. Cooking has been a difficulty as well, I can manage to boil a few things, fry, add salt. But I don't know how to explain it being a struggle. I've had to complain about my upstairs neighbour being noisy as well, I can hear their movements every time and it's distressing. Communicating with The Council in general is a nightmare they either don't reply or reply later or don't have an answer. I don't think I can cope. I have a case worker from a young women's charity and they help me communicate with the Council sometimes, but sometimes the council doesn't reply to us. I just really need a close friend that can support me and talk to. Practical as well as emotional support.

Being on a waiting list for Council accommodation can take years to bid and sometimes it's not a guarantee due to the high demand for social housing. They said I'm eligible for a studio flat and I have to stay in this temporary accommodation or I'd be homeless. I have not even been informed of the bidding process though they said the housing register team will need need contact me and do an assessment. All these things are making me lose my mind. I don't know how long I'd be here plus having to wait for goodness knows how long is making me extremely distressed. I don't have an alternative even though I don't want to be here. I really wish I had a family member or good friend I could live with instead, but I don't. Waiting on the council is making me lose my mind.

Things keep getting worse as I continue each day. I don't feel like I can do this all alone. If I knew someone I could have moved in with I wouldn't have been living like this. I wish I could have a break from my problems right now. I wish there was an alternative way.

I still needed time, patience while being in the security of a family home. More than anything, I wish I had a motherly type or sisterly type person, or like a close friend to support. I always wish to be taken under someone's wing. To be offered guidance is what I'd be grateful for.

Are you in college or anything? Somewhere to find a support network? Try autism societies or support groups. You sound like you are doing a great job. Maybe do some cooking courses. Try and get an education. You could go to student accommodation. You choose your path.

A local church might have a women's worker, or drop in groups. Some might run the CAP money skills course which is a great way to start feeling more in control of things. Have a look on Google maps to find churches near you and look at their Facebook pages. They might also do community meals or a food bank. You could also look at volunteering as a great way to get structure in your life and meet people. If you are anywhere near Park Lane Riding for the disabled group, they are a brilliant community which really helps everyone feels a part of something. There are some foster arrangements where a young adult can stay with a family but not sure where to find out about them. You could also look up befriending services, several charities will do that, also mentoring. Maybe find out where your local volunteer service is and go in to ask them both about services you can access for yourself and also where you might be able to help. These might cross over as sometimes a buddy or befriended can help with volunteering.
It's hard adulting on your own, it sounds like you are keen to get support so hopefully some of these ideas might help.

Waiting on a bureaucracy where you have little power over the timeline of decisions is tough, OP. You’ve had good advice from pps. For small practical things — watch YouTube videos on simple cookery, or borrow cookery books from your local library. A good diet will help your mood, as will exercise. Talk to your GP about a therapy referral. Can your caseworker also help with other day to day things, like the noise complaints, or linking you to groups or training where you might find activities you enjoy, develop skills and friendships etc?

It’s entirely understandable that you’re unhappy with your temporary living conditions, but I think it might help to reframe it. Many 20 year olds aren’t living with their parents, and/or don’t have good relationships with them regardless — and it sounds as if you are idealising living in a family set up. When I lived with my family, it was in impoverished, overcrowded conditions, and I was essentially parenting my younger siblings and my parents (who couldn’t cope). When I left for university at 18, I slept on the sofa if I ever went back in the holidays. I had to figure out adulting solo, too, but at least, like you, I wasn’t also trying to run a big household… And friendships work both ways. You need to support them as much as they support you. Obviously, this balances out over time in a good friendship, but don’t assume a friend/family is there to provide support, rather than to need it from you. Do you have friends from the past you could reconnect with?

Very best wishes for the future.