Live in London or near family

[Hydrangeahome]

My Husband and I moved out of London after 12 years, after the pandemic, back to Birmingham where we are both originally from, because we had made the decision to start a family, and the general advice from everyone is to move nearer family and friends at this time.

We have been trying for 6 months (living in Birmingham for 1 year) and I'm really not enjoying my life here. Our work is still in London, so we are both commuting several days a week, and although its really nice being nearer our oldest friends, I really miss London. My Husband has a big family, but I just have my Mother who lives alone - she is a big reason we moved back as I know she will want to be near her grandchildren.

I worry that I've made a decision and jumped the gun about needing to be near family and family whilst pregnant/ a new mother but that's even happened. All I know is right now I'm really not enjoying living in this new city despite feeling like it should offer me everything I need. I feel like I'm living my life for my Husband and our families... but I don't know if I will feel differently once we have a baby.

I struggle with my Mental Health, and I loved the variety London offered (history, parks, culture, dining etc.) which I feel Birmingham just doesn't offer in the same way. We would have to downsize to move back to London and my Husband doesn't want that - but I feel like despite also working full time I take on a lot of the burden of this large house we don't need yet. I think about my maternity leave in Birmingham and I'm worried my new environment will feel quite depressing, despite having people around. I loved my old life in London, but I know this would also look different with a child.

Any advice would be really appreciated.

[Fooksticks]

Having lived in London with dc for 8 years, and then moving home, I would vote to stay closer to family.

[TortoiseT]

I would say it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your in-laws and also with your own mum. Would your mum be open to moving over to London one day, if you wanted to be near her?

Do you think being near a big family on your husband’s side will help you as a mum? Or is there a danger that those emotions you feel now of living for your husband/family, rather than yourself, might magnify and affect your relationship to your husband and children in a negative way?

I have three kids, and personally I am very pleased we were not near either of our families when we first became parents. It has been tough and we nearly broke, but now we are such a strong, tight family unit. It’s magical having most weekends and days off to yourself, without guilt about family. We are now with three kids age soon 8, 4 and 2, in a place where I feel we are strong enough as a unit to consider moving closer to family. So we will do a trial run in my home country this spring.

I totally understand you with regards to mental health and London. I come from a country with the most amazing nature, easily accessible but in London, I never feel alone or bored or empty. The people in London really make it for me, their stories and the attitude and openness. There is nowhere like it and personally I am happy my kids were born here and that their hearts will always carry a piece of this incredible city.