Move back to London after moving away?

[Wispa1984]

Hello all

Looking for some advice and I know this has been talked about a lot on mumsnet.
We’ve recently moved from East London to a town on the Essex coast, only about 30 odd miles from where we were living. We discussed it during lockdown when I’d just had baby #2 and was really struggling. It seemed like a great idea as we’d be nearer to my husband’s family and hopefully have some help and still be able to commute to work (although it would be 90 mins door to door). Plus I think I was so sick of being stuck in local area, I was probably keen for a change. We sold our house very quickly and found another here in Essex. As time wore on I got increasingly nervous about the move and felt like i really didn’t want to leave (which coincided with everything opening up after lockdown, naturally) , to the point where my husband would say “oh here have a look at the house that you don’t want to move to.” I suggested to him that we could move to a house down our road which was bit bigger, larger garden and had 4 bedrooms. But he wouldn’t even look at it or consider it. So I went along with the sale, too scared to back out and also curious to see if we should have a fresh start. Now I’m here I’m absolutely hating it and desperately missing my London home and network of friends. The house itself is ok but does need a little work doing to make it easier. It’s more the culture and people here locally. I find everyone quite flashy and set absorbed and miss the diversity and liberal minded people of where I was in London. Without wanting to sound harsh, I’m struggling to find people who I have much in common with.
My husband is furious with me as he says I should have had the guts to pipe up and stop the sale, but I didn’t. I honestly wanted to give it a go, but I knew deep down that it would be the wrong move. I guess I was just hoping for the best.
After many rows he has agreed that if I’m not happy after a year we can (hopefully) move back. Our children are 3 and 10 months so not started school yet.
I should also add I have PND which has been building up for a while and the move has tipped me over the edge- I am now on medication for it which seems to be helping.

Sorry for the long rambling post, my main questions are, have you moved out of London and then moved back because you hated where you’d moved to? How long did you give the new place? How easy was it to move back? Thank you for any pearls of wisdom you can share.

We moved out of London to a similar area when my kids were 2 & 3. And I had PND. So I relate.
First 6 months I frantically googled houses for sale in my old area. Second 6 months I grumbled about never meeting anyone like minded and needing to drive everywhere.
But then the kids started school and I joined various groups (drama, running, writing etc) and made my own friends and settled in.
So I think between moving to feeling like it was truly home was probably 18 months-2years.
A decade later I can't imagine leaving the area now.

So I'd say accept how you are feeling, stay in touch with your old friends but get out and about - search out things in your immediate area (not just toddler activities, things that interest you), get a regular reliable babysitter and don't judge judge books by their covers (flashy doesn't mean they don't have the same interests/worries/pressures).

It sounds as though you've barely been there for any time at all, if you were still in London when things were just opening up? But also that it all happened very quickly - too quickly - after deciding to move. Maybe you didn't have time to fully research the area you were moving to. We moved out of London two years ago but it was a long time coming and we'd really done our research. I still regretted it though!

However it definitely takes more time than you've given it to make friends. There are fewer people probably where you are but there will be some like-minded ones. Try and be positive for the next year and give it a chance, you owe your husband and the place that much - then if you move back I'm sure you'll be able to pick up where you left off as you'll make loads of new friends when your children start school, as well as all your old friends.

Maybe use the time to improve the house you've bought and hopefully you won't have lost out financially.