Would you leave London for the North?

[lking679]

Hi all, I’m originally from the north west. I have four siblings and the four of us who went into higher education all left my home town and spread about the South when we got jobs.
I remember about a year into my job I felt depressed and went to see a counselor she said to me... you’ve moved, have no friends and no family near you... of course you’re depressed but it’ll get better. I remember going into work on saturdays just to have people to talk to! It did get better though.

Now I have a young family and with new working from home rules I could move back North. My sister moved back and my parents are there. It’d be nice to have my family nearby whilst my children are babies and toddlers. I still feel lonely here sometimes. But... I’m worried the cycle will just repeat with my own kids.
I can’t help thinking I’d be doing then a disservice staying up there for more than a few years. I think it might be better in the South where they can have great job prospects whilst having school friends and family around them.

What do you think? Do you worry leaving London and the commutable suburbs of Kent.. Surrey etc... might not be good for your kids?

Surely it depends on where your family are and the facilities / opportunities available in that part of the world? My family are in a small town in the East Midlands and as much as I would like to be near them there’s no way that I could cope living in that place - it’s pretty insular looking and lacking in facilities for me to consider it. And as much as Manchester or Liverpool may be nice they’re a long way from other parts of “ The North” so potentially pointless recommendations if the aim is to be near family. What is it you want from a place, because there needs to be more than a cheap house on offer for me to be interested. What engages you? What kind of people are you attracted to and will you find them there?

My family is in the North.

No way would I move back. NC for 30+ years

Also hated the place and wanted to leave since I born

Move. You couldn’t pay me to live in London.

@ComeonJulia

Move. You couldn’t pay me to live in London.

Which bit? London covers pretty much every type of town, village and city.

Which bit? London covers pretty much every type of town, village and city.

It really doesn't. There's no coast, no moors or fells, no farmland.

London covers some types of town/village/community. But not all by a very long shot.

I'd say move. I made a similar move last year after 15 years in SE where I moved when I met my now DH. We have equal jobs here (I actually earn more), schools much better, we're mortgage free, but the most important thing is family. My dc is an only and we had no family down south. They now have cousins who we see regularly and grandparents. I had always kept in contact with my childhood group of friends and I now live near my childhood bf who I see a few times a week. I have a choice of babysitters! Yay! Going from seeing family 3 times a year to more regular is great! For example I'm taking my parents to a concert this evening , something I would never have been able to do on a Tuesday night.

In fact, the sheer arrogance of assuming that London has got every type of village/town covered is staggering. You really think there's nothing in the UK that can't be found in London?

London has leafy bits, sure, but the idea that they replicate the community/lifestyles/demographics that you might find in a rural village in e.g. the Yorkshire Dales is just stupid.

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

In fact, the sheer arrogance of assuming that London has got every type of village/town covered is staggering. You really think there's nothing in the UK that can't be found in London?

London has leafy bits, sure, but the idea that they replicate the community/lifestyles/demographics that you might find in a rural village in e.g. the Yorkshire Dales is just stupid.

Whoa. Ok.

I was mainly taking issue with London being seen as one homogenous area. Which it's not.

I'm actually leaving London for York so I'm not London-obsessed by any stretch.

‘The north’ is a big place! Where? You’ll have very different experiences moving to Cheshire vs a old mining town in North Manchester vs Northumberland

When you say the North, which part do you mean? Sorry if I've missed it but unless you're talking of a very rural area, I do feel that there might be a slight exaggeration in the divide of the socialising opportunities that are being mentioned.
Even for your children as they grow up,theres good universities in the north and I don't think job opportunities are really that terrible either.
( I must say though that I'm not very well travelled around the country so I may be completely wrong!)

I'd be moving back to a town in the North West, the nearest city is Liverpool. Town is quite big, few supermarkets, loads of restaurants etc. My parents and twin sister are there so that would be great and her kids are similar age to my own. I don't get to see my family very often which is the main thing that gets to me living so far away from them.

Main concern is not sure it's a good move long term, we live south east London and area is nice, schools are great, our house is good and their prospects are great down here. My siblings and I all left our home town as we couldn't get jobs, it's all teaching and NHS. If we move back up both me and DH would still need to come to London one day a week for work (different days obviously!). Commute is fine for one day but that's where our jobs are (had that working pattern formally incorporated into contracts).

Another upside would be we'd be living in North West near family and renting out London house, in 3 years we can decide where we want to be long term and by that time we can chose which house to rent out or sell and put the money in the kids savings..... but we'd have potentially screwed up kids primary school places in London and they'd be on waiting lists for our local one which is outstanding. It could be a lot of disruption.

Don't think there's an easy answer to be honest! My gut is how often will everything fall into place that I can have a go at moving back up there and seeing what it's like to be near family, doing the commute etc. Not very often. So might be worth trying?

I would give it a go. Things don't have to be forever and your dc are young so adaptable. If you leave it much longer the transition gets harder and then you'll be left with 'what ifs'.

Born and raised in London all my life, Wife's a northerner. While the town she's from is a truly magical, for her - moving to London 10 years ago was her 'making it'. Before we moved from our rented flat in a lovely part of Zone 2 - I was ready to move out of London.

Of course she wouldn't leave. She worked hard and aspired to be in London - so we settled on leafy Zone 4 close to where I grew up. While we liked it, COVID made her realise what was actually important and what we could live without! It was her Wizard of Oz moment!

We are finally leaving - Yet it feels like out of the people we know the 'Smart Money' got out in a calm and rational way before the exudus. The main people who think we are nuts are the friends who moved here from elsewhere.

There will be a lot of people who will regret leaving for the wrong reasons. That's because they are chasing the rural fairytale or fell in love with the 'idea' a house in an area without spending time there. So many places we looked at at would be tough sales in any other market conditon. Yet overnight they are the belle of the ball, in feverish bidding wars by Londoners who never even set foot in the village or even house. Dreaming of a better life via Rightmove. People who think 2 acres would make their lives perfect - yet only previous experience is a astrotuffed yard withba few dying pot plants. (Yes - that was almost us!)

I do love London, always have and always will. I used to always think London had changed but it hasn't, it was me whoes changed and like a hostage - I just had Stockholm Syndrome for 30+ years. I guess admitting it is half the battle!

I wouldn't. WFH is here to stay but not full time permanently. For your children's job prospects I'd stay.

London is fantastic and I'd never move anywhere where I couldn't get in within an hour or so. I choose to live just outside as it's greener and cheaper but the access is really important.
Comments about the friendliness are just laughable. I've never found any difference between north south east and west. If you approach people with friendliness then you'll usually get friendliness back.
And yes to making more friends when your dc start school - providing you engage with school activities.

At the moment we've decided it's so rare that everything would fall into place that we could do it that we might give it a go. Not selling our house so we have something to come back to.

Plan is to look for a NW house for next 3 months and if we don't find one or get an offer accepted just leave it. If we do.. and it all completes... we'll go for 3.5 years (timeline for remortgaging) then make a decision to come back or not. I think we'll come back, but in the meantime we'll be able to do early years with support of my parents and sister. Maternity leave is quite hard without any family around. And if we have another would love my Mum being close by. DD2 is 10 months and they've met twice (covid and distance!).
Hopefully return when DD's will start year 3/reception k in September 2025 .... we would potentially screw up primary school places though but hoping on a waiting list there may be some movement in the summer and girls would get spaces for the September start. (Annoyingly did email council if we can prove 'intended address' on primary application for our return as they must wonder why we'll be putting London schools from 180 miles away, we have deeds, mortgage etc... but don't think they accept the idea of an intended address unless you're overseas! :P).

I think you're making the right decision OP.

I personally don't think you'll return to London. It's really at the school age that having GP and family around is really good.

Good luck with the next steps!

I was born in and grew up in east London. When I decided to go to university knew I wanted to leave London. I'd had a difficult time in the past due to various things that happened to me, so it was a chance for a complete fresh start.

I moved to Liverpool for university. Was the best thing I've ever done. It was very hard moving nearly 250 miles from 'home' at the time, on my own and not knowing anyone, but I'm so glad I did. Originally my plan was go to uni, then move back to London, or 'home' as it still was to me at the time. I never intended to not go back there. Anyway I lived in Liverpool, fell in love with the city, and within 6 months I'd decided that after I I I wanted to stay there permanently. It felt like I'd lived there all my life.

I ended up meeting my husband, who is from Liverpool, so it was even better because I wasn't on my own. I got married and had a baby. Happily living in Liverpool with my family.

It wasn't so much I hated London, it was all I'd ever known. But after experiencing life somewhere else I realised how much happier I've been since I moved to Liverpool. I left my painful past behind me, closed the door on it, and no longer think about it. It's gone to me, it's not part of who I am now. (It literally could have been anywhere, I just needed to leave London and start again).

I think that 'home' is the place a person feels they belong and want to and should be. For me Liverpool is my 'home'. It doesn't matter that I wasn't born here, didn't grow up here and I have a different accent. I feel I belong here, I want to be here, my life is here, and I've always felt so welcome. I couldn't be happier about it.

Some people even ask my husband how he managed to convince me to live here. They said that usually in our situation the woman would want to live where she's from, so they'd live in the woman's home place not the mans. He tells them that I want to be here even more than he does, that I chose to live here permanently before I even met him.

We got married in Liverpool. Again people said they were surprised because traditionally a couple get married where the bride is from, or in her hometown. I said i did, no it's not where I'm from, but it is the place I consider to be my home, so I did get married was in my hometown. I think that was when my husbands family realised exactly how much I love living here.

Even for your children as they grow up,theres good universities in the north and I don't think job opportunities are really that terrible either.

And () they are actually allowed to attend southern ones! Or Scottish...'the north' is actually rather conveniently in the middle of the U.K./GB. And they can move south for work.

said I’m not outgoing but it would be hard for anyone moving 200 miles away from home to make good friends easily. I was starting a job not starting Uni, it’s not like my colleagues were that interested in hanging out socially!

This stood out for me OP. I disagree with you. So you've been in London since you were 21 I think you seem to be longing to be back home... I would trial it out at least and move back.