Would you leave London for the North?

[lking679]

Hi all, I’m originally from the north west. I have four siblings and the four of us who went into higher education all left my home town and spread about the South when we got jobs.
I remember about a year into my job I felt depressed and went to see a counselor she said to me... you’ve moved, have no friends and no family near you... of course you’re depressed but it’ll get better. I remember going into work on saturdays just to have people to talk to! It did get better though.

Now I have a young family and with new working from home rules I could move back North. My sister moved back and my parents are there. It’d be nice to have my family nearby whilst my children are babies and toddlers. I still feel lonely here sometimes. But... I’m worried the cycle will just repeat with my own kids.
I can’t help thinking I’d be doing then a disservice staying up there for more than a few years. I think it might be better in the South where they can have great job prospects whilst having school friends and family around them.

What do you think? Do you worry leaving London and the commutable suburbs of Kent.. Surrey etc... might not be good for your kids?

I love London and know some attitudes of my fellow northerners. Was so reluctant to come down myself but now can see how diverse and fun the city is and how great it would be to be a teenager here. (Can also see how London-centric politics seems to be and it frustrates me the economy of the north doesn’t match the buzz of the south east)!

But this weekend we’re not seeing anyone... again. It gets to me. Mum friends all from down south and see their own extended family at weekends. People say you make more friends when your kids start school is that true?
Seeing my parents and my sister with her own young kids each weekend would be so different to what we do now. As I say family wise it’s my MIL we see most often and I could start a whole new thread about how she drives me mad! Sadly I did secretly like mentioning we might be moving 200 miles away for a few years.
I just wonder what I’ll be thinking in 3-4 years time!
In the meantime we’d certainly be coming down here anyway a few times for my husbands family and work.

Kind words and suggestions here thanks everyone!!

If you move north, then go back to London when your kids are older, you are pretty much guaranteeing that you'll have no established friendship group in London when you move back. You are obviously not a person who is able to establish networks and put down roots quickly. Either you'll need to rebuild a friendship group, or your social life when you move back will be entirely dependent on your kids ( who will be late teens / 20s).

What on earth makes you think that would be good thing, for either your kids or you?

Pick one. North or London. And move there properly. Don't plan to flit between them, always thinking the grass is greener, entirely reliant on either your family or your kids to maintain a social life.

For all the claim that the best jobs are in London, you can have a bloody good lifestyle on a moderately waged professional salary (eg teacher, Programmer) , in the North.

Btw - the reason I say 'move there properly' is that you live in London now, but you are spending this weekend not enjoying what's around you, but "not seeing anyone... again" and thinking about how much better it would be to be up north.

The grass isn't necessarily greener, and if you move north thinking that you'll obviously need to move back to London eventually, it definitely won't be greener! It's the mindset that will be the issue, not the place.

Life is for living, for being present and enjoying what's around you. You have been keeping the "North" door open in your head and not really committing to London, and that has made you unhappy. Moving north but keeping the "London" door open will do exactly the same.

Can also see how London-centric politics seems to be and it frustrates me the economy of the north doesn’t match the buzz of the south east

'London centric'. Do you mean as the capital of homelessness? 165,000 homeless in London.

"London centric'. Yes, two thirds of England's homeless families in temporary accommodation are in London.

I wonder when or if there ever will be genuinely London centric policies? They aren't half needed. To tackle the public health emergencies of homelessness and poor housing, knife and gun crime, and the consequence of overcrowding - flooding.

I moved back home to the north west when DS1 was 1. I don't regret it. We have 2 other children who wouldn't have born if we,'d stayed in our rented flat in London, and my children have grown up with grandparents around. We were able to buy a (small) house up here too, which wouldn't have been possible in London.

@Tealightsandd

Can also see how London-centric politics seems to be and it frustrates me the economy of the north doesn’t match the buzz of the south east

'London centric'. Do you mean as the capital of homelessness? 165,000 homeless in London.

"London centric'. Yes, two thirds of England's homeless families in temporary accommodation are in London.

This comment is just obtuse. Nobody is foolish enough to think all Londoners are wealthy and the streets are paved with gold, but you've got to be pretty blind not to notice that government policies are extremely London-centric. Because they are.

The main trans-Pennine train route is still running fucking pacer trains FFS. York to Manchester can take the best part of 2 hrs (1.5hrs is the quickest), while the government is obsessed with shaving 10 mins off journey times to London. That tells you everything.

We lived in London for 9 years. I used to watch the neighbours relatives visit on the weekend and get such a pang of sadness.

Dh and I are both not from the UK and I'd ask myself 'why are we here?'. We have 2 DD and no family in the UK.

During the week while everyone was working I felt ok, but weekends started to make me sad

We moved to my home country, close to my parents, and I just wished I'd done it sooner.

I think renting out your London home for at least 12 months is a good idea, until you get settled up North.

But definitely do it OP!!

I don’t want my own kids to grow up then be 200 miles from me because they’ve had to move away for work?!

Have you considered that your kids might move 200 miles from you even if you stay in London? I grew up in the South East, around half an hour from Central London. Didn't stop me from moving for work - overseas for a period, and subsequently to another part of the UK. My only criteria regarding location was that I didn't want to be in London or the South East - I was put off by the house prices and stupidly long commutes that a lot of my friends were doing. My DSis also chose to live hundreds of miles away from where we grew up. So don't assume that your dc will want to stay in that part of the country just because you're there, as they may want something different altogether.

Luckily, my parents followed me out of the South East when I moved, and now live just down the road.

Surely remote working will be even more of a thing when your dc look for jobs so they will have opportunities

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand I don’t agree. I haven’t been keeping the North door open at all it’s only recently become a prospect because the London office I was working in closed and they said I only need to be in West London office once a week.
I have mum friends through both my daughters and my husbands family is here.. we do have a network and if we don’t move back in 3-4 years it’ll be because we’ve decided to stay permanently up North. In three years my youngest would just be starting school, plenty of time to settle back into life here.
I said I’m not outgoing but it would be hard for anyone moving 200 miles away from home to make good friends easily. I was starting a job not starting Uni, it’s not like my colleagues were that interested in hanging out socially! But I joined a local sports club and made good friends that way. I just find that they and my mum friends do a lot with their extended families at weekends so often not around and it makes me miss my own. My sister has been asking me to move for years, she’s my twin and we’re very close

I don’t see much harm in trying it whilst kids are so young. And that way at least I will know if grass is greener or not.

I think it's great to be near family with dc hence why i've stayed in London.

be pretty blind not to notice that government policies are extremely London-centric. Because they are.

Well you're have to be very blind to not notice that those 'London centric' policies are not something to envy or emulate.

The consequences of 'London centric' policies have led to London being the capital of homelessness.

Where's the 'Londoner centric' policies? What's happening to deal with the public health emergency of 165,000 homeless Londoners? More people than the entire population of many UK towns.

What's being done about the knife and gun crime?

The flooding due to 'London centric' overcrowding and overbuilding.

Yeah. 'London centric'. Not for Londoners. Policies that help people make money out of London (before fucking off - back up north or to the shires), maybe. For London as a city and actual Londoners, quite the opposite.

The north is much nicer rhan the south iny opinion. Nice friendly people. Manchester or Liverpool would be my choice. Some very nice areas there for a fraction of the price

I think the experience of living in London can be hugely different depending on where in London you live. People often talk about the lovely restaurants and village-feel, which is probably true if you can afford to live in Highgate, Notting Hill or East Dulwich. If you're in Woolwich or Plaistow, though, then it's a very different experience.

I'm in my late 30s and going to move away from London as soon as the housing market settles a little from the current situation. It's clear to me I can never afford to live anywhere nice in London, and I'm increasingly tired of everything being an hour+ away on packed and expensive public transport, the awful air quality and pollution, crime and just the general feel of London now. I don't have kids but if I did, I wouldn't want to bring them up here at all.

packed and expensive public transport, the awful air quality and pollution, crime and just the general feel of London now.

The consequences of the much envied 'London centric' policies.

'Levelling up'. Be careful what you wish for.

I've moved down south to gain work experience and finish off my degree been here for a year or so and will still be here for another year on my internship but as soon as it is complete I am hoping to gain work back up north as for environmental science you earn about the same but cost of living is much more affordable and a better quality of life to be honest

I can understand people wanting to move back to their hometown if they liked the place growing up and have close family there but for me I am from a similar area and all I dreamed about growing up was leaving and going to live in London.

Left as soon as I could and it doesn’t cross my mind about going back.
Doesn’t help that the area I am from is more expensive than the area I live now.

Did leave London because of dh’s work but couldn’t wait to return.
Unless someone hands me a mega mansion in Beverley Hills I don’t think I will leave.
If anything I am looking at moving further in.

As a pp said I think London can be great if you have ££££. Tbh we would probably move if we weren't Londoners as it's good to have family support but so many people we do know are leaving which is frustrating for friendships.

London is such a transient place, that they might never have the grounding of established extended family roots that you did

I think London is expensive to buy or rent a home and I know a few families who live in 1 and 2 bed flats with 1, 2, or 3 children but if you can get over the lack of space then I actually think London is quite inexpensive. There is so much to do and so many places to go that are either free or really cheap.
You have so much choice with food. The tube and bus network for children up to 11 is free and is really cheap after 11years old. When they were little I would pack a picnic and apart from the cost of my tube fare we would have a day out going to the museums, playing in the parks, watching the magic acts, living statues etc on the South Bank or Covina Garden. Spent several hours in Trafalgar Square climbing in the lions.
As children have got older we used to regularly go to gigs where you could listen to live bands, comedy, open mic, all night for a few pounds. Same with small amdram productions. There is so much entertainment if you looked for it without spending west end/tourist prices.

I am moving in a month. London to York

York is lovely, @whistlers. I hope you like it here.

@DaisyWaldron

York is lovely, *@whistlers*. I hope you like it here.

I hope so too! Thank you I'm nervous because I don't know anyone