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Reception at our prep school seems a little underwhelming? Normal?

75 replies

notanotherunicorn · 21/09/2021 18:28

Dd is at a prep school in reception.

I'm just wondering if this is a normal prep school experience or whether we could get the same or better at a state school? Or a different prep? I think because it is a prep rather than state my expectations of the school are much higher.

I decided on a prep as I thought it would challenge dd more as she can already read and decode (I taught her phonics because she was ready and interested) and can do basic writing and subtraction and addition etc. She isn't a genius but she is a quick learner and bright and keen and is happy to sit, work and concentrate. She would probably enjoy being in year 1 but I'd rather she was just doing work that was stimulating for her, for which there is no reason to be out of her age group. I also thought at a prep the class would move faster as there would be more able children generally.

She has been given homework about the numbers 1 to 5. Do I really need to do this with her? She can already write and read 1 to 5. The teacher said 'she's learning how to count to 10.' Erm...what? She can count to 100 and recognise numbers like 53 etc in print form. She can count out a whole bag of sweets and tell me how many are in there. And count in 10s and count backwards from 20. She knew 1 to 10 when she was 2. She can certainly count to 20 without getting nervous or whatever. This doesn't seem particularly remarkable either, lots of children in any state school class should be able to do this already. This is a class of 15 pupils and they don't know anything about my child? Or are they just giving the same work to everyone regardless? There are areas for learning of course, she doesn't always form her letters in the 'correct way' when writing i.e starts from the wrong place although the end result is the same, sometimes gets her S back to front etc but counting was not one of those areas.

She wants to learn, not play aimlessly all day, she loves structured activity i.e sitting and playing a board game or a craft challenge. She loves imaginary play but she says she is bored and all they do is play with 'baby toys', they don't have 'real puzzles' apparantly either, she easily does 200+ pieces as I would have thought many children can at a prep school at nearly 5?

I would home educate but she likes school and I like having time to focus on my business more, although I'm not convinced it is the best thing for her learning at the moment. I don't need child care so I can't see it as just expensive child care, in which case I'd like the flexibility to take her out two days a week and have fun learning about history at national trust properties etc!

In what year group is phonics largely obsolete from the curriculum btw? I'm a bit unconvinced by modern phonics teaching, my eldest is dyslexic and it really damaged her ability to learn, we scrapped it for a different system and that help enormously. Youngest dd understands and uses phonics to sound out and recognises word patterns and sound patterns, she doesn't rely on artificial pronunciations, english is not all that phonetic. But the teacher's methods seems to be unlearning her, she is starting to doubt herself and trying to read individual sounds slowly and without blending for words she already knew by sight because 'that's what my teacher told me to do.' The way phonics is being taught seems incredibly regimented and not at all organic and responsive to the individual child's learning pattern or what they already know.

It would be alright if the school was going for a holistic learning approach or something that would stretch her in other ways, lots of forest school or hands on activities and learning through doing etc but I'm not seeing anything like that either unless playing undirected with lego duplo is stretching? She plays with classic lego at home and follows the instruction manuals, they have nothing like that at school.

Also they don't teach science until year 3? Is this similar in state schools? My dd loves science activities!

I don't see prep as some sort of status symbol and I imagine most parents choose it like I did to ensure a good standard of education, especially as the state schools in my area are poorly rated and it does seem this prep gets them to selective independant schools and grammar schools (although that has changed a little recently but that is more likely due to a few of the independants opening their own preps) therefore I assumed the school would be able to quickly work out my dd's strengths and advance her learning in lieu of me having to do it at home. At what point do they put the effort in to get them into these schools? Do they ramp it up over the rest of the year so by the end of reception the average child is working ahead of the average state school child? It seems currently she is learning nothing new at all. Or do they not make an effort until years 5 and 6? I'd rather not stick it out if that is never going to happen. If the parents are doing all the work what is the point? I would rather find another prep that can give her appropriate work or a state school and save the money.

It is still early days and parent's evening is a long way off. Should I arrange a meeting with the class teacher about the direction things will be going in for the rest of the year and the mismatch in the homework to dd's abilities? I chose the school because I wanted my daughter to build on her existing knowledge from the get go so that if we had to move for work to a selective prep area (i.e london) she would be off to a flying start with 7+ or if down the line we chose the state secondary that she would be working at a future grade A level not a C level (average expectations for the year group) when she transfered. Is it still too early days to draw any conclusions about the school? Even if it seems to be sending her backwards or doing less she was doing at home? I do feel very in the dark about what the direction is at the school and for dd in particular but felt the same at elder children's state schools so I don't think being in the dark about their learning is unusual.

Of course taking her out and home educating her just runs the risk of her needing to prove herself down the line but as it stands if I change her to another school any record going to another school will say she is learning to count from 1 - 10 and reading level 1 phonics books!! That isn't representative of her at all.

They spend some afternoon time watching T.V / cbeebies at least 3 days a week. We rarely have screen time at home unless it is minecraft (at which dd is a whizz) or something educational or a family movie at the cinema/weekend etc so I'm really not happy about this happening regularly on school time. It feels like a very expensive netflix subscription given the fees. They are watching disney movies, hardly educational unless they are discussing themes and meaning in the movie which I think is unlikely?

I do like of course that school is teaching them to line up and be independant and follow rules that are different from at home. Dd is too gentle natured not to do what she is told anyway! She is that child that is teacher's pet at school and saves all the stubborness for her parents.

I did a PGCE for secondary teaching years ago before deciding I was too much of an introvert and prefered being a SAHM and running my own business so I have some inkling of what goes on in school but at secondary level I was very involved in teaching the subject syllabus and it is very different to primary where there seems to be more of a team effort. I would like to be a fly on the wall in the classroom to get a better perspective on it all as it seems the children have surprisingly limited contact with the class teacher except for maybe about 30 minutes of the day when the teacher instructs the class on the morning 'work'. Almost all the learning is done with a teaching assistant, is this normal? Purely curious. The teaching assistant does seem to be lovely and switched on and I expect she is perfectly well qualified for the role of course but is she assessing dd during these activities because I haven't seen much evidence of it?

The one good thing is that they read 2 books a week with one to read over the weekend. The problem is again that all the books are at the same level for the whole class and extremely basic. At Dd1s state school they only read 1 book a week and they read the same book to their teacher that they read at home so this is definitely an improvement over the state experience. What is the normal practice in this respect? Is this a prep school thing and an area the school is doing something better or do some state schools do this?

Do individual learning goals come later? Do they try to get everyone up to the same standard and then move at a faster pace than in a state school? Or am I not getting what I thought I was buying, i.e a slightly more academic more 'year 1' level of individual education for dd?

With covid it was very difficult to see schools to compare as most cancelled their open events. I also think the prep school prospectus was slightly misleading. Of course if I did change her it would cause disruption so I wouldn't want to do it lightly.

I am helicopter parenting but as I said, if I wasn't paying for it (in the hopes of Dd being given ability appropriate work) or if I saw prep as a status symbol I wouldn't be as bothered perhaps.

OP posts:
DoThePropeller · 21/09/2021 18:53

Just because it’s private doesn’t mean it’s best. One of my children goes to a genuinely brilliant prep, where we lived previously my other child went to one that was mediocre. My other one went to a brilliant state school. You have to judge the specific school, nothing else.

Maybe you’ve not chosen the right school for your child.

MamaTutu2 · 21/09/2021 18:54

The numbers to 5 thing will be the mastery curriculum so children really having mastered all the concepts within 5 and being able to apply them to problem solving, missing number calculations, representing it in a number of ways, moving from concrete resources to pictorial representations to abstract work and using 10s frame language, numicon etc

NerrSnerr · 21/09/2021 18:55

I think they do the absolute basics the same for all children because although some may seem advanced there may be some gaps or they may have been taught differently at home which could impact on teaching down the line.

I personally would give it a couple more weeks or the term if she's enjoying herself.

notanotherunicorn · 21/09/2021 18:55

And yes, I guess it is the fact I'm paying for it that is making me wonder what it is all about. I think I thought I was paying for individual education whilst getting the normal social experience of school but clearly not. Thank you for everyone's advice and comments. It's nice to see this is just normal stuff and not just Dd's school.

The prep claims it is selective.

Are most selective preps better in this respect? Or is it the same at the end of the day?

DH is from Hong Kong and it's very different there, they are doing much more at this age.

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KleineDracheKokosnuss · 21/09/2021 18:55

except if you look very carefully at things like lunch provision and other bits around the edges

I can second that the lunches are not as fancy. That’s for certain. Grin

Bumpsadaisie · 21/09/2021 18:56

In the nicest way possible, you are beyond over- involved.

Reception is mainly about your dd taking the first steps to find her own life - of course a life without you. Learning to manage social situations and different environments.

I would focus on giving your daughter a bit of space to have an experience and to make something of it.

That is so much more important than whether she starts phonics at age 4 or 5, it goes to the whole heart of a child feeling like they truly have an identity in their parents eyes as an individual.

notanotherunicorn · 21/09/2021 18:57

Some of them are doing more at this age (in Hong Kong), it is more individual I think and expectations seem to be higher.

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KleineDracheKokosnuss · 21/09/2021 18:57

How selective the prep actually is will depend to a large part on how many people are trying to get places for their kids. The schools have overheads to meet and will be much less picky if undersubscribed.

Waveafterwaveslowlydrifting · 21/09/2021 18:58

I'm a year R teacher and I could write a long reply but frankly I'm exhausted from spending the last 12 hours counselling crying parents, appeasing SLT who are stressed out as OFSTED is imminent, patiently guiding 30 very different children into new routines and assessing them to high heaven for the baseline assessment.

The basics:
Search up the EYFS framework and read it so you understand what year R is all about.
Give the teacher time to do their own assessments on the children so they can decide on their next steps.
Allow your child time to settle into a new environment, lower adult to child ratio and new children.
Try to let go of being a consumer by spending money on education. If you like the school, give it a chance for a few weeks.
Understand that teachers won't teach the way you have at home, and that maths mastery is about far more than counting to high numbers but involves fluency, reasoning and problem solving to give greater breadth and depth to learning. Comprehension is essential in reading.
Trust the teacher.

UnbeatenMum · 21/09/2021 18:58

My DD2 started (state) reception already able to read and they put her on an appropriate reading level within a couple of weeks with a new book every day. Of course the class as a whole were learning phonics and blending and counting to 10 but where things could be differentiated or open ended they were.

Lifeishitsometimes · 21/09/2021 18:59

Well, how did they select your DD? That should give you an idea of how selective it is.

But no, I don't think it's right for her by the sounds of it as long as her social skills are as sound as her academics.

The one thing I would say though is that other children may well catch up academically. Not all kids are ready for learning at that age. It's not necessarily because they aren't clever.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 21/09/2021 18:59

You say she doesn’t want to aimlessly play all day, but then say you can’t home educate as she loves school!?

If she’s happy, then just chill out and let her enjoy a year of play / socialising / team working and then she can then have her 13 or 16 years of formal sit-down education.

Ziegfeld · 21/09/2021 19:00

Sounds like a slam dunk stealth boast to me

notanotherunicorn · 21/09/2021 19:02

@Bumpsadaisie

In the nicest way possible, you are beyond over- involved.

Reception is mainly about your dd taking the first steps to find her own life - of course a life without you. Learning to manage social situations and different environments.

I would focus on giving your daughter a bit of space to have an experience and to make something of it.

That is so much more important than whether she starts phonics at age 4 or 5, it goes to the whole heart of a child feeling like they truly have an identity in their parents eyes as an individual.

Thank you, yes, you are quite right, that is certainly something to keep in mind. That is one of the things that would make me reluctant to home educate at this point, it is a shame though that they don't still go 3 days a week at this point for the amount of learning they do as that is essentially what pre-school is about.
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Mymapuddlington · 21/09/2021 19:02

Sounds like a slam dunk stealth boast to me

Could have just been worded ‘my child is a genius, the bestest cleverest most amazingist genius, even better than Einstein’ lot less to to read through then.

Tooembarrassingtomention · 21/09/2021 19:05

@notanotherunicorn

And yes, I guess it is the fact I'm paying for it that is making me wonder what it is all about. I think I thought I was paying for individual education whilst getting the normal social experience of school but clearly not. Thank you for everyone's advice and comments. It's nice to see this is just normal stuff and not just Dd's school.

The prep claims it is selective.

Are most selective preps better in this respect? Or is it the same at the end of the day?

DH is from Hong Kong and it's very different there, they are doing much more at this age.

They also beat their children in public. Not something I would aspire to
KleineDracheKokosnuss · 21/09/2021 19:05

wave why are the parents crying? Do they do that?

LunaLoveFood · 21/09/2021 19:06

It's only the 3rd week of term. The teacher will still be doing assessments and creating a baseline for the children.
Also they will be working on mastery of skills as a previous poster has explained.

notanotherunicorn · 21/09/2021 19:10

MeanMrMustardSeed I am also puzzled why she says in one sentence that she is bored but also that she loves school. I assume it is because she enjoys the variety of being something other than home. I think she enjoys the mornings but not so much the afternoons. She certainly enjoys the movie afternoons at school, they even give them popcorn!

Ziegfeld Lol! Maybe unintentionally! I'm proud of all my children. One of them has SEN, I like to stealth boast about the amazing progress she has made from being two years behind to expecting Cs and Bs and her amazing artistic talents.

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notanotherunicorn · 21/09/2021 19:13

Tooembarrassingtomention It is illegal to use corporate punishment in schools in Hong Kong. Not all Hong Konger or Chinese parents beat their children! No different to how smacking was allowed here for a long time I would guess and many baby boomers probably still support it Hmm, I certainly don't.

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Scoutingformygirls · 21/09/2021 19:15

No play is aimless

notanotherunicorn · 21/09/2021 19:16

Perhaps I will just have a chat with the teacher with regards to differentiation of work in the future and the curriculum. And go visit some other schools to be sure it is the right fit (including some state schools). I am now in a better position to know what questions to ask too. Thank you for your comments everyone.

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Iwonder08 · 21/09/2021 19:17

Why don't you ask to move your child to year 1?

notanotherunicorn · 21/09/2021 19:18

Waveafterwaveslowlydrifting: Thank you, it is very useful to hear from a primary teacher on how to approach the situation.

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Lulu1919 · 21/09/2021 19:18

Sorry but thinking a prep school would mean more able children ......no
I work in a prep school and we have plenty of children with SEN needs
Children are children
We teach science in an obvious way from Year one but they do have science in rec....just more hands in and part of daily play .

Go and see your child's form teacher...ask the questions and see what they say...then decide 5is is the right place for your child.

How do you know the teacher only interacts for thirty mins and the rest of the ta the TA ?