Ive had an absolute meltdown

[utterfailureasamum]

School sent out two celebration videos today and i got sent a lovely photo of my friends boy getting the merit delivered by the head teacher and I flipped.

Im jealous and angry and sad that my kids aren't doing enough to be recognised. And they see all this shit and know they aren't good enough to be included.

They are trying really hard but i work full time (like so many or us) and can only support them so much. I feel i let them down by not being able to sit with them all day and make organic dinosaur poo or 80000 merit points whatever it is that gets celebrated as an achievement.

My daughters class are even being set homework. When you cant even get through the classwork just seeing it sitting there makes you feel like a failure.

I just think they deserve some encouragement and achievement despite not being perfect. I want the teacher to call them and say well done and keep going. Maybe i need them to say that to me too!

Completely know how you feel. You aren’t a failure. I think it’s wonderful that you are facilitating any learning given you are working. I’m trying to make sure my kids do maths, literacy and reading but even that is a struggle! We can’t fit in the other stuff either, most parents can’t and you aren’t alone even if it feels like it. Roll on half term!

What a fucking bunch of tossers honestly - way to go to give children life long complexes...! And a nightmare for you - full sympathies from me. This is a good opportunity to teach your kids that people in authority sometimes get it wrong too. This is a time to show leadership and to build your children's resilience to this kind of bullshit. Just say - no, we're not doing that.

I don't think any school should be giving stars of the week or whatever to kids at the minute. Or ever, but that's another thread. Bad leadership of the school.

Please contact the school and explain this.

Our school was sending home videos of story time with other children in until parents complained because the kids at home were upset that they also couldn’t place with their friends. Your school sounds thoughtless.

Thanks all. I can see how the merit is a positive for one the child who gets it. But it just makes everyone else feel like shit. It feels so far from our reach. Childrens experiences are varying so much depending on whether they are in school or at home. Have internet/technology/help and support during the school day. How can the teacher compare of measure that having no idea whats going on at home. If your child never gets it-is it just because the teacher hates them? Its a horrible feeling to think the class teacher hates them.

I've already had to deal with sobbing children unable to access their only active lesson per week due to tech issues that noone in the school is equipped to resolve. It literally broke my heart as he was waiting all ready with his stuff set out. It only works intermittently. So already feel thats something i should have been able to fix. So the merit shit tipped me over the edge. Ive just cried all afternoon and not been able to do any work which will probably make next week a nightmare too as ill be behind.

As you say roll on half term when i have got a few days off with them. To just be their mum and not a horrible multi tasking shit at everything anxious nightmare!

I could have written this post. Feel so guilty as work 9 hours per day. Get 2 hours over lunch to do school work with a 5 and 7 year old. 5 year old has 9 live lessons per week! 7 year old has registration and 4 hours of work set per day. They aren't old enough to do anything unsupervised really. Even my 7 year old wants reassuring and has questions when she gets going and struggles with accessing things on the laptop independently.
She didn't get a merit either and it's not her bloody fault that my job is stressful and busy yet she's been almost punished for it.
I know exactly how you feel and it's shit

Seems wildly insensitive of the school given that so many of us are struggling. It seems like the children of two working parents or a working single parent (or kids who have parents who don’t value education - although most of them will be classified as ‘vulnerable’) are going to be so behind compared to the children of SAHPs/furloughed parents who actually have time to do the homeschooling. I’m just really hoping that, as a parent of a Year 6, they take their aptitude than academic achievement in to consideration moving forward!?

My heart goes out to all of you struggling. My dc are gcse and a level year so a whole different set of issues (!) but at least they can get on with their stuff independently so I can work.

Are your companies not making any allowances at all for the fact you have your kids at home full time? I have a colleague in this situation and have told her to only do what she can, pass work to the rest of the team, work flexibly if she needs to (by which I don't mean homeschooling all day and working all night)...

Also, one live lesson per week? That sounds very little- could you speak to the school about increasing this?

And I totally agree there should be no 'stars of the week' type differential celebrations going on at the moment. All the kids should be celebrated for their resilience and whatever they're managing to do, as should their parents. for you all!

You have my total sympathy op. My employer's policy is I can have time off with pay to manage my child who is at home/do school work etc however I have a very busy job & all the work still needs doing & nobody except me to do it.... lots of messages about we know just how hard it is - some people are taking the time off eg working half days so then we have to spend time finding places for their work to go/childless co workers are working the weekend to compensate. My solution? Working faster, trying not to work at the weekends, starting work at 6am not getting through all my work & waking up in the night because of the stress hmm still, Ds cheered up last night with a game of twister and a promise of mummy to play with all weekend (I am allowed to see my friends tho - half an hour slimming works zoom call!) I feel so guilty leaving him for hours on end whilst I run meetings etc...

Thanks all. It really does help knowing I'm not the only one losing my mind.

My eldest was also home from a burst bubble the two weeks before Christmas. So hes been off since early Dec now:

My work are not brilliant but not awful. I am the only person with primary age children in my team. If i mention struggling the idea put forward is to get a tenuous keyworker letter from HR. Morally i don't agree with this.

I am able to manage my own diary to an extent so put blocks in a couple of times a day to try and help kids. But sometimes something comes up or kids aren't feeling it in that moment. I don't ask permission for this going awol i just do it. Also a new role and am on probation. So trying to do early starts and working a little later. To get stuff done. Am actually getting good feedback so should be prouder of myself. But its the pressure to do it all that we all face.

Their Dad (divorcee) does do what he can but is a keyworker-a real one! So I'm not alone. But this week he could only help out one day. Its more then many get i know. But i even find this hard as I'm a real routine freak and the fact every week looks different and i am constantly trying to adapt does my nut!

Thank god its the weekend for us all!

Honestly? Matt Hancock said clearly on TV that if one parent is a key worker, children can be in school.

I know how you feel OP. We are both key workers - DH out of the house me in. The guidance we git about key worker places said if you can keep them at home then you should. Dd is safe while I am doing my workso I can have her at home but I'm just not able to supervise her school work enough. The poor child is largely left to her own devices on that front.I'm getting texts from school every week saying she's not submitting enough. She's first year of secondary. Although I have been wondering if I should try to get her a place.

I've told school I can't work and h/s.

Yes, that's right, I said politely and clearly that I'm not doing it and please to be prepared to catch my kids up but they are loved and fed and reading and colouring etc.

Teacher replied in a whisper "good for you, if everybody else just said no too we'd all be back" and assured me that the kids would be fine.

There's another option for you

School reward systems are fucked up and unfair. I understand why some kids might need an individual reward system but most schools use systems that are biased against the kids who always try hard and atm I think it's inevitable that they favour the kids at school because the teachers can see their work and effort etc

My kids quickly worked out that if you want to be regularly rewarded then you need to alternate weeks of bad behaviour with days of good behaviour and that consistently working hard and behaving well gets no public recognition and rewards.

Your kids will find it a lot easier in secondary when this sort of stuff doesn't happen but the regularly rewarded kids will be in for a shock when isolations and detentions await.