School-at-home - DS can't focus

[Starleia]

Our DS (14y.o in Year 10) is really struggling with school at home. At school he is very focused and he is top of the whole year group in half his subjects. He is very motivated - at school. In the last few weeks - a 1 hour homework or assignment is taking an average of 12-20 hours. Once he starts he has to finish it - he won't even give up, he just seems literally incapable of focusing.

We tried daily exercise, proper sleeping/eating routine times and trying to have a timetable . We tried little alarms for 10 or 15 minutes focus. Having fun breaks from studying. – nothing has worked.

He is very hard on himself and says there is something wrong with him and maybe he has ADHD (which he doesn’t). I acknowledged this and said it has more to do with him being a normal 14 year old boy missing school than something wrong with him. He says he can’t control his mind wandering and that at school he is super-focused but he can’t concentrate at home even for 5 minutes and just starts daydreaming as soon as he starts.

I would love to know if there is anyone out there who has overcome such a thing. I don't know how to help him focus, I feel like I have run out of ideas – any ideas anyone? Please help!!

He sounds like he's too anxious to concentrate/putting too much pressure on himself.

I would tell him to take some time off completely. Is he not on Easter holidays at the moment? Try and get him other stuff to do computer games/Lego/art/baking/music etc. Something he needs to concentrate on that isn't school work, that matters less, that isn't stressful.

Then revisit the school work. Try and work with him when you can. So maybe read the questions to him and get him to tell you the answer verbally and then write it down together.

Make him leave stuff if he isn't getting anywhere with it. Carry on with regular sleep, meals and exercise

Reassure him that it doesn't matter if he had a bad day. That everything will be ok in the long term. Take the pressure off.

Thanks @NuffSaidSam. He had also been practicing his cello which gets him stressed. So we have had no cello and no homework for the last few days. I have fingers crossed it will help.

He said to me that he is used to compartmentalising his life (his words!) - so school is about focus and home is about just relaxing and homework is always half an effort, he hasn't flicked the switch that he has to act like he is at school at home.

Can you set him up a room or space in the house just for schoolwork? My DD has set up a desk area with everything she needs in one place. She has set herself a routine and when she is at her desk the focus is there - when she steps away she's not in school mode anymore. I would say his problem is the change of routine and the anxiety of the change Covid-19 has caused. Getting into a rhythm and routine is the key I think.

Both my kids are the same (albeit much younger) I need them back at school - not going to lie.

My daughter is also struggling with her sport - usually works really hard - 16 hrs a week. Now it's down to her to keep up with her conditioning etc, she's failing big time.

Is he missing the teacher- input and the discussion that he would have in class? Perhaps he and a couple of friends could arrange a Zoom session where they have to feedback on different subjects/ topics? Possibly he learns best by asking questions or doing things and he is struggling with the solitary nature of the home learning? Or you could schedule some set times to quiz him on his work.

It's holiday time!

Does he have somewhere that he can use purely as study space?
Does he have his phone nearby when he’s trying to study? If he does, take it away as they’re distracting even if on silent and nearby.
If he can’t compartmentalise his space, maybe he can compartmentalise his time? So, 9-12 can be study time.

2 of the boys in my tutor group have the same issue, both high performers but really struggling with focus in the new regime. They are meeting on zoom for the 1st 15 mins of each ‘lesson’ to talk through the task then checking in on each other later. Seems to work well for them.

Thanks for the responses. He does have his own little study area in our open plan living area and he doesn't have his phone on him. We can even see his screen at all times. However we tell him off when we see he has twenty tabs open with his 'own research'.

I love the idea of zoom with school friends, but as sad as it sounds he he is so self-contained - he doesn't even have one person's phone number or private email (to be fair, we have never allowed him to give his number out). So he is quite cut off from being in touch with anyone from school.

I toyed with the idea of hiring some online tutor just to keep him focused -but not sure what kind of tutor that would need and what on earth would I say? It would be odd that he doesn't need any help with any subjects, but needs help to focus!!