any first time mums at over 40?

[turkishdelightful]

I'm only eight weeks pregnant (and 41) but am totally traumatised by the whole idea, scared silly.

Any women in Edinburgh who could say something positive about having a baby over 40? Your first baby that is (sorry to be so specific...)

Hi turkishdelightful, am 38 but didnt want your post going unanswered. Do you have any RL friends you can talk to?
Also maybe post on some of the more mainstream threads?

Hi, thanks for answering. Nearly all my RL (real life?) friends are my age or thereabouts and career (or changing career) obsessed. One of my friends who has a baby doesn't understand at all why I'm not delighted.
It's a good idea to post on a more mainstream thread, but I guess I'll just wait a bit and see how it goes.

Ok, but please dont suffer in silence If you feel you can talk there will be many women in MN who can relate to what your going through.

Hello
I had my first at 39 after having a great career and a very self-indulgent life. Of course it's traumatising! Your life as you knew it will be gone permanently, also your body will change (although mine actually didn't change that noticeably until after the 2nd one, but then I DEFINITELY noticed the changes)permanently--it's the end of an era, possibly a very nice one if you had a fulfilling life pre-children....not to mention your sleep patterns may never be the same again and your relationship with your partner will change, possibly for the better but possibly not!

So of course it's terribly scary. For me the pregnancy itself was scary too--my entire first pregnancy I could barely look at myself (i.e my bump) in the mirror, it was too shocking. I actually started to cry at about four months when the bump clearly was noticeable!

THe good news is, I honestly feel it's the best thing I ever did, and feel complete and fulfilled in a way I didn't even imagine--I never knew I wasn't before, and now I really feel that my entire life before children was sort of just playing around. I'm 100% thrilled to be a mother, honestly, honestly.

Soif you need to air your feelings, go ahead! GEt it all out! But keep your eye on the goaleven if you don't really see what it is just yet...v. hard to explain to someone that hasn't gone through it.

much love and support,

Hi TD

I'm a midwife and have helped many women over 40 birth their first babies without any problems at all.

Are you able to verbalise more specifically what it is that concerns you or is it just the whole idea of pregnancy and birth?

There are not many differences between the fears of first time mums 40. I think you'll find that most women having their first baby are scared of the same sort of things so try not to think that the pregnancy or birth or parenthood will be any more difficult than that of younger mums.

As with anything to do with pregnancy and birth it is very specific to the individual. Some very young women have very difficult pregnancies and births because of their health status and some very fit and healthy older first time mums do brilliantly well.

A whole lot of it has to do with your attitude - positive mental attitude - and this applies particularly to the birth, regardless of your age.

Please feel free to come along to the new support group I'm helping to run in Portobello. We discuss a different topic every month but always have time to discuss individual's queries on any topic.

www.choicesforchildbirth.co.uk

Best of Scottish luck!

Hi TD

I was 43 when I had Sam and it is hard - I am really tired and workign full time, but he is lovely and it is well worth it.

Anne x

Hi

Saw your message. Know it's quite a long time after you posted. But I really identify with what you wrote.

I had my first at 39 & my second at 41. It's a big change, but I think you are better to be nervous now - it gives you more time to plan.

If you're worried about the birth, I would say believe it will be fine whatever happens. Make sure you plan for worst case scenario as well as best. I wanted a waterbirth at home & ended up with an emergency caesarian! So much for all that ante-natal yoga. The thing that helped was I'd planned what I'd do and also I'd taken time to visit the hospital & had talked a lot to my midwife. Giving birth in hospital is made out to be a negative experience quite often. I'm not saying it isn't sometimes the case, but for me, it was, literally, a life saver. Because I'd allowed myself more than 1 birth option I wasn't as shaken when things started to unravel.

If you're worried about life after -
I'd suggest joining NCT ante-natal classes if you can. The friends I met then were near me in age & are still my mates now. They were a great help. It really does help to have friends with babies the same age.

The biggest adjustment is after the birth. If you've been working for 20ish years it can be really hard & quite lonely if you're not careful. The first few weeks are euphoric and then you realise that it's you & the baby at home, all day....think about joining some groups - baby massage, waterbabies etc. They all cost money unfortunately, but there are also some good mother & baby groups out there. We all used to meet up once a week & go to the big scream at the Cameo.

It's a bit like becoming a member of a club that you didn't know was there. You share something with all parents - a love for your child and basically, everyone will tell you - it will see you through anything.

Good luck