Brighton to London commute - both parents commuting?

[LondonBrighton]

So we’re currently experiencing the fairly common dilemma of whether or not to move from London to Brighton with our kids (6 and 3).

We love Brighton in loads of ways and think it would offer us a lot as a family. If we moved we would almost certainly aim to live in Preston Park. But we’re worried about the commute to London.

We both have fairly demanding jobs and are committed to our careers - which are likely to continue to be focussed in London. In reality with the kinds of jobs we currently have and are likely to take in future, we would both need to reckon with up to 3 days a week in London (it might be 2 days, but we couldn’t rely on that). It is worth saying we wouldn’t necessarily have to commute on exactly the same days - but it is likely there will be some crossover.

At the moment in London we are able to achieve a fairly good work-life balance - we both have a day off each week (through compressed hours) and generally get back in time for one of us to do pick up and both of us to see the kids for supper / bedtime. We’re worried that both commuting between Brighton and London for up to 3 days could potentially upset that balance quite significantly.

On the other hand, we also wonder whether a) it’s possible to manage the situation if you’re fairly disciplined and b) the additional hassle is made worth it through the benefits of Brighton for the children and for us.

Is there anyone who has experience of both parents commuting this much - and what impact has it had on your family life and general wellbeing?

Avoid, avoid, avoid. The likelihood of it going tits up on a regular basis because you're both in London and the trains are up the spout is very high. Do you have family support in Brighton who can go and get the kids from afterschool club if you're late? Or would you be using a nanny?

Dual career families are challenging enough without adding long and expensive commutes for both parents into the mix. We have 2 careers with travel; it works because commute times are short which compensates for the days when someone is up at 5am to catch a flight and away for 3 days and the longer hours sometimes necessary at work. Adding long commutes to this set up, even if you have 2 days a week at home, would make it unbearable.

We also find it very difficult to fix days at home; what's more likely is that we will pop into the office for a morning/afternoon and flex that way.

I also wouldn't choose Brighton over London but I get that is my personal opinion.

What are the benefits of moving to Brighton?

That is a terrible train line - very unreliable. I have a friend who's wife tried that commute in reverse - lived in London, worked in Brighton. Gave up after a few months and rented a room in Brighton for weekdays.

I live in Zone 6, but commute into London on the Brighton line.

Don't do it. The trains are a nightmare nowadays. If they aren't on strike, then they are delayed due to the crumbling infrastructure.

If you were trying to get back to Brighton in time for school or nursery pickup, you'd be stressed the whole time.

Doesnt sound like you’re great candidates for a full time move. I wouldn’t want to be reliant on the trains for transport (what if you get stuck?) and what happens if a kid is taken ill in school and you’re 90mins away?

Could you afford a second home to Airbnb and stay in for weekends?

No way, the train line is shit.

Yeah that's definitely what brighton needs, more DFLs

My DD1 did it for a while when she lived with a (now ex) partner in Brighton. It absolutely broke her and she had no children to get home for. It led to their break up eventually and she moved to London with a sigh of relief and never looked back.

Not a chance in hell. I commute from a station on that line (not too far from brighton) - on the days i pick up the kids, i need to be on a 4.20pm train to be able to do picks up at 5.30pm and 5.45pm. I am checking the National Rail app from about 2pm to check nothing is going wrong with the trains, but fortunately am able to drop everything and run if i need to. I feel physically sick with anxiety if i am on a delayed train, due to lack of support system to pick up if im late.

Any perceived benefit to your family would be far outweighed by the stress each of you has re picking up.

Not with both parents having to commute

Not both parents. Whatever benefits you will gain from living there will be wiped out by that commute. And so expensive. You'll never get this time with your kids again - prioritise whatever you need to do to spend as much time as you can with them. Brighton is always there for a day trip.

No no no. Your DC will need you around more as they grow. What about all the stuff they'll want to do after school etc

Do you have any childcare @LondonBrighton?

Even if you do, to be honest, the unreliability of the train service will be a real nightmare for you. And have you looked into the cost of both of you commuting?!