Please help me to decide where to go!

[NatalieLou24]

Hi all,

Long time lurker, first time poster here.

I really need some advice, my husband is from a city abroad and we now live in London. We love our area and how vibrant London is but we now have kids and can barely afford rent on a two bed flat in a nice area let alone ever buy.

I am from Leicester and all my family still live there, I really want to move up to market Harborough, be close to family and also just an hour train ride from london for the days hubs has to commute on. We could afford to buy a small two bed house and also give my children the life I had as a kid, growing up with family nearby, having a garden to play in and a slower way of life. My husband think harbs isn't lively or multicultural enough, he wants to stay in a small flat in london just scrapping by. It's causing so many arguments and neither is happy.

Wwyd? If I stay in london to make him happy it means I don't give my kids the lifestyle I want plus my family aren't close by to spend time with. If I push Leicestershire I'm worried he'll be resentful and unhappy. He moved here to England to be with me so I feel obliged to be where he wants a little bit.

The middle ground (commuter towns outside of london) give us neither the space I need nor the vibrant lifestyle.

Any advise is welcomed? Feels like one of us will always "lose"

We are in almost exactly the same situation except our arguments are on standby for now. As my work is contracted to be in London until June 22. Then we will revisit the idea. Other than that this is the same argument that we have at-least 3x a week.

Go through ur pros/cons list and explain to each other. Me and my OH found we have completely different priorities which is why we cant agree. I focus on housing and relaxation and money issues. He wants to experience new things/activities/foods and be around lots of people and achieve more career-wise.

I have no solution to fix this and atm we are just ignoring the issue but am sure eventually one or both of us will be very unhappy. We will cross that bridge when it comes and try to enjoy life for now.

If you two have the same priorities it might be easier to get him round to your way of thinking. Its hard to convince someone to move to a bigger house with a garden if living in a two-bed apartment and renting for the rest of our lives doesn’t bother him (as I have found out 😂)

Oh wow, it's actually nice to hear someone is in a exactly the same situation but I really feel for you too. The two different priorities is exactly how we are too. I think it doesn't help that he grew up in a totally different household to me. He isn't close to his parents, had no extended family close by and lived in a city, whereas I grew up in a village with all my family within a short walk away and we are still super close and supportive of each other.

We did the put it on hold thing too! I've been feeling this way but sort of surprising it for a couple of years whilst living here in london and seeing if we can get ourselves on our feet.

Do you have kids? X

Correction:

People who say “London is so wonderfully VIBRANT” are usually NOT native Londoners, so that fits, but being from Leicester (also multicultural) and wanting to move to the whitest corner of Leicestershire is a curveball. What’s the attraction? It’s hard to suggest things without being able to follow your thinking. You’re an odd one.

Haha ok, it felt like Market Harborough has good playgrounds, cafes, schools - a nice little town that suits a family plus it's only one hour from London on the train, plus not far from my family (well still at 40min drive but close enough).

Well split it into two decisions maybe? It is crazy to stay in London and rent when you could buy somewhere else. I thought I’d never leave London, but there is an economic polarisation going on that is horrible (and I say that as someone who bought the last year I could have afforded to and so did make a bit of money). It’s a great city but it’s becoming a bit of a fake city of only rich and poor and the middle are all being forced out or leaving, so yes good move, get out and buy. Stop throwing stupid money at rent. Get him to see that makes sense.

Look at places in Leicester and visit different places and drip feed him ideas and see where it gets you. It’s all more alien to him than it is to you, so he’s bound to lag behind you in enthusiasm even if it’s genius. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you for your reply!

Is there anywhere you can recommend nearby that fits our bill any better than market Harborough?

I don’t know it that well. One of my siblings is in Leicester now and I used to work in Northampton for a while, and a couple of friends that way, so these are day trip places to me, mostly.

Most importantly, I really do think you might have to compromise with him once you’ve got him to see the need to leave London. So who knows how that will work out?

Yes we have one. And I am in the same boat. I want him to be able to play outside and go for hikes and walks like we used to. And we have a beach not far away. I want him to go to all the swimming and football etc. In London you can do these things but everything’s so far, with long waiting lists and we are a little more isolated in London as we don’t have any family close by. Even my husband’s mum lives about 30-40 minutes away. I want my son to grow up being very close to all his family like I was, unlike my husband who hardly speaks to his family. Just because they don't have as much free time and everything is so far and hard to get to. It’s either insane traffic or a long journey on trains and buses. Which is not my cup of tea haha.

On top of that, long commutes to work, like an hour either way for both of us, takes up half our day. If I finish work at 5, I get home 6:30. My sons bedtime is 7. I hardly get to see him. If I was in my hometown, I would finish work at 5 and be home by 5:15 max.

Its a balance I suppose as the schooling is much better in London so they are some benefits (very few imo haha but there you go)

Just saw this as just discovered the local board...

What did you decide? I moved to Loughborough from London for work. I thought I would move back, but everything is just so much easier here - everything within walking distance, affordable housing, getting into decent schools isn't too complicated ect.

When we decided to stay around here I thought about other areas - I didn't want to be rural. Market Harborough seemed a little...bland? And a bit expensive. We also considered Leicester, but the parts of Leicester which we liked are a bit suburban and far from the station.

So now getting somewhere in Loughborough, close to the station, where you can get trains direct to kings cross. Its not the prettiest place, but I like that its a multicultural market town with a university - means there is more variety of people living here than you might think.

Where did you end up moving to OP?