Hi there
I'm a 53 yo part-time single dad to my 5 yo daughter. She stays with me every second weekend and lots of school holidays.
I've noticed that recently she's trying her hardest to make new friends whenever we go out. On holiday, swimming, the local park or play center. All my friends' kids are grown up (no help there) and every kid she makes friends with while playing out has parents we don't know and don't know me.
We went to Birmingham Nature Reserve on Sunday, on her request. In the past she wanted to see the animals. This time she was just interested in playing in the kids play area. She spent most of the 2 hours in there trying to make friends with the other kids, while burning up a zillion calories in exercise. In the end, she did make a friend – a girl a year younger than her. They played together there for about an hour.
I know my kid really wants to find friends (I don't think she has any right now) so I approached her new friend’s dad (he was buried in his Smartphone the whole time). I told him our kids had hit it off and asked if he’d be ok if they saw each other again. He was clearly surprised and cautious. I was embarrassed and uncomfortable asking but I could see how happy she was to have made an actual friend. I felt that I had to do something to help but it really did feel strange and awkward talking to a random kid's dad..
I knew if us dads didn’t exchange phone numbers, she would never see her new friend again. He asked for my number, which I gave and we all prepared to leave. I wanted to ask for his number too but didn't want to appear pushy so I left it up to him to call me if he thinks its ok.
As we were going the kids asked if we could see the last animals together, so we spent the last 30 mins walking round together and ended up making a den from cut logs in a wild play area together.
Afterwards, she was over the moon to have made a friend but I doubt her friend’s dad will ever contact me (her mum wasn’t there) which means a lost friend for both kids. I can understand how her dad might feel and I don't blame him. I'd probably be suspicious too if a random guy came up to me asking about contact with my daughter. My kid's school just sent out a note about how some people groom other kids' parents to get to their kids. So now a dad in my position is likely to be a suspect or I leave my kid friendless. Is there a way to just let her find her own friends that she'll see more than once where I'm not viewed as a threat?
Her new friend's dad and I spoke quite a lot while our kids played together and I think we got on well but at the end of the day I felt like my approach to him was unwelcome and while he was OK to let our kids play together I doubt he would want to arrange another trip out for our kids.
It’s heartbreaking to see this. She tried so hard, made a friend, then nothing. What will this do for her development? Just give up?
I don't think my kid has any real friends at school and her mum has lost contact with her old friends' parents. Now when we go out she tries and tries and sometimes does make a friend but then never sees them again.
When she was younger, I was enough to fill her time with me but now her world is bigger, she needs her own friends her own age too. I’d love to help but don’t know anyone with kids her age.
I could leave it to her mum to deal with but her mum isn’t so friendly herself and probably wouldn’t go out of her way to support our kid's new friendships. We don't speak either so I can't discuss it. I'm on my own with this.
Does anyone have any ideas? I've been local to Hall Green for 25 years but my daughter has friendship needs I've never had to deal with before as a dad. As far as I can see, she'll never make a long term friend outside school unless the parents do too.
If you read this far, thanks and please feel free to offer any suggestions or advice. It's my first post on Mumsnet so I'm not too sure what to expect.
Cheers
Vitchling