Coping with son leaving for Uni

[TracyM1972]

Hi,

Is anyone out there going through the same as me?

My son left for Uni on Sunday. He's not gone far, just half an hour away, but opted to live in. I should be proud and pleased for him, and I am, but I can not get past the feelings of total loss. I have another son, and I know my eldest hasn't left for good, but I can't stop crying. Am I crazy? It's eating me up. I miss him so much already and am struggling to function without him being around. Having only ever been apart from him for no longer than 2 week stretches for 18 and a half years this is taking its toil. I feel as though a part of me has been ripped out, its a physical pain and by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do as a parent.

I know it sounds irrational. He's already having a whale of a time and is full of confidence. I know he is fine and that I've prepared him as well as I possibly could have, but I just feel so lost. I'm almost grieving for him. How long will this go on for?

So sorry that you're having such a hard time, TracyM, but let me reassure you that it does get easier! My DS finished uni in June but I clearly remember driving him to his Hall of Residence three years ago and crying all the way home in the (horribly empty) car. The first couple of weeks were up and down for me but the occasional email and phone call from him reassured me that he was happy, settled and enjoying uni life. There were no disasters [that he told me about!], emergencies or catastrophes - he just threw himself into the next stage of his early adulthood and didn't look back. You will adapt and adjust with time but you've not lost him forever, I promise, and he will still need you.

I should warn you that my DS didn't come home in the first term until Christmas and that things were a bit "different": not bad, just different. He had matured, met lots of new people and had fresh opinions. He'd also met his girlfriend (who is lovely) and they are still very much together. It is a time of transition but try to remind yourself that you have nurtured and prepared him over the last 18 years so congratulate yourself that he was ready to move on to the next chapter.

He will, of course, always be your PFB, irritating ways as well as all the good things. Enjoy the fact that he is thriving and be kind to yourself.

Good luck with the next few weeks and I hope you have a couple of events in your diary to look forward to and to stop you missing your son too much.