Coffee morning at Didsbury sure start centre- children and pushchairs NOT WELCOME

[kazah72]

I've just got back from Didsbury Park- they have been advertising a new coffee morning starting today at the SureStart Children's centre in the Park, so I went after dropping off DS1 at school with my DD in a pram, she is 5 weeks old.
On arriving, the women looked at me as if each wheel on the pram was coated in dog poo (which it wasn't) and told me she was fairly sure the coffee group wouldn't allow children.....because coffee was being served and this is a HOT DRINK!!

This is hosted by Didsbury Good Neighbours www.didsburygoodneighbours.com/default.html and the poster said that they were going to discuss plans for the park, which I was interested to hear about. As I am on maternity leave for the next 6 months, I was also considering volunteering my help to the charity.

My point is this: in what way is a 5 week old baby at higher risk of causing a hot drink to be spilt than an elderly or disabled person with poor co-ordination? I didn't notice anyone being asked if they had parkinson's disease or poor eyesight or whether they had had a stroke!!

In addition, the woman who seemed to be acting in a receptionist role told me that I wouldn't be able to take my pram further into the building and would have to park it outside!

I had 15 mins before the next feed so I said I had to go home (I'd already been made to stand in the entrance to the building for 10 minutes by this stage). They then told me I could go in to feed!! I didn't wait to explain that being made to feel unwelcome, embarrassed and uncomfortable isn't condusive to good milk flow and left, only to be pursued outside by someone who said she "wanted a word with me". I declined and left.

Am I unreasonable in thinking that a meeting in a surestart centre would welcome a new mum?

Thats madness!

What kind of coffee morning was it advertised as?

Surely most women around in the day are likely to be SAHMs/on mat leave - who did they expect to turn up?

Was it run by surestart or was it someone just using the premesis?

Come to Old Moat surestart in Withington, they are lovely there!

Thanks, I might take pop round to the Withington centre.
I went back to the poster on the park gate, "SureStart children's centre" was the biggest font in the centre of the poster, Didsbury Good Neighbours is mentioned at the bottom. I think it is just that they have rented the room for the meeting but there isn't any mention of what Didsbury Good Neighbours do or who their demographic is and definitely no mention that it's adults only.

I feel like writing to that Lord who's just finished a report on Health and Safety gone mad

Their website implies that their purpose is to support the elderly. they probably weren't expecting a mum to turn up to their cosy club.

I've had an email from the group:

My name is Marie and I coordinate Didsbury Good Neighbour group - a charity group led by volunteers who work with the isolated, excluded and lonely residents of Didsbury. I was not at the children's centre this morning so I do not feel I can comment on your experiences. However, I can comment on the nature of our group and the focus of our gathering at the Sure Start facility. Our coffee morning at Sure Start was about capturing the older people who use the park, Mums who had left their children in the centre because their child has a place there, and our clients who live in and around the park area to give them an opportunity to talk about the use of the pavilion and a chance for them to have some meaningful interactions with other elderly people. We intend to lease the old pavilion next to the centre and we wanted a presence in the park whilst we wait to refurbish it. We intend to open as a cafe and a social/activity centre in the spring time of 2011 when all the foot fall of the park will be welcome. We asked Sure Start if we could use a room on a Tuesday morning for our care group coffee morning - we did not think we would attract young Mums and their children. It has made us think though, and we do realise their is a need for such a gathering for local grandparents and parents and we will try to accommodate this group in the near future when we have a suitable venue. We are a charity and cannot afford to hire premises and we are guests in the centre and we do not pay any hire costs and we have to adhere to their health and safety protocols which include no hot drinks near children. Whilst I appreciate your comments about the elderly attending such a morning and the risk factors they may pose I did not include children in my initial risk assessment or indeed ask permission for children to attend. I do have trained volunteers with the elderly clients at all times thus reducing the likelihood of any risk and or accident. My volunteers do not work with, or are trained to work with babies. We cannot put your children at risk so we had to exclude you this morning. Having said that, I am now in negotiations with the Manager to work out an alternative. If I cannot find an alternative we will close the group as it stands as we do not want ill feeling between the centre and the local park users and mothers and their children. I do hope you understand my position and I will keep in touch with you to inform you of any new developments. Sure Start were not at fault in any way this morning, it was my lack of judgement and local knowledge that put you in this position and for that I am truly sorry. Finally, I would like to thank you for opening our eyes to such a need and I can assure you you are now in DGN managment committee future plans.

Well just for your reference, I've run groups before at SS and others and the hot drink policy pertains to toddlers. When we used SS, there always had to be chairs for drinking coffee sat separately from where the toys/kids were. It's mad, of course, but it's one of their rules. However, when we ran a bumps and babes up to 6mths, we didn't need to risk factor that and have chairs removed.

So what I'm saying is that her think about the rules of hot drinks shouldn't have affected a 5wks old in her pram.

I also think it strange that you were stopped from bringing your pram into a SS centre. They normally stick them in a corner outside the hall though.

TBH, her email sounds a bit strange as if sjhe's saying her safety procedures didn't allow for your baby and now she feels that what happened this morning means she may have to close down her group.

Please just relax a little. Didsbury Good Neighbours is a very new volunteer group.

Its made up of a lot of older people who want to set up mutual care links. They probably were suprised to see you and may be didn't handle it properly but do give people a chance. Don't just lay into people without taking a little time to find out. Some of their publicity isn't the best in the world but their intentions are brilliant. There are loads of playgroups but absolutely NOTHING for older people.

They want to use the building next to the Children's Centre to provide a meeting place for all older people. It isn't a "cosy" group its new and its been advertising its activities to all with flyers and a banner across the local pub on Parrswood Road. If you are mainly interested in what happens in the park then join the Friends of the Park Group.

The Sure Start centre is used by all sorts of groups ...and so it should be there is no community centre space in Didsbury.

If there was an older persons area in the park it would increase the footfall in the park and make it safer for all the users. Didsbury Park can be quite lonely at times and some of my friends have been mugged.

On the plus side ...if you managed to get through Didsbury Park without dog poo on your wheels you did well.

What a shame you were treated like this, you have my sympathy. I am a firm believer in taking kids anywhere (except for nightclubs, obv!). Such meetings should be accessible to everyone and by excluding kids they are excluding women and it's not on!

thanks everyone. As you all know, being in that first 2 months of breast feeding, you can get a little fraught. My DH thinks I over-reacted.

I think my main problem was not with the DGN group so much as the receptionist who made me feel so unwelcome to the Sure Start centre and how I was made to stand there, with everyone coming and going hovering and staring at me in interest. It's just as bad when you have to go there to see the health visitor: you have to leave your pram outside, then when you come in juggling child, change bag and red book you are expected to fill in a form and sign it before you can go further in!

It would have been nice to get involved with the group early in my mat leave, doing some home visiting/ shopping for some people in need, etc. I've only got 2 months left now and am doing stuff for the PTA cake bakes, etc so I don't think I could start now....

Just been reading this thread with interest. I know of several mums who have also have problems with how they have been "greeted" when arriving at Didsbury park sure-start centre. I was talking to a mum recently who had been passing the centre and popped in to ask if she could use the baby-change facilities with her child but was refused on the grounds that she could only do so if she was attending a particular activity. This seems absurd to me as surely the whole point of a sure-start centre is to provide a welcoming and useful facility to local parents?

I've had the same message from lots of other mums- that the sure-start centre is not parent+baby friendly! Given that it's one of the lucky ones that's not closing (and the Withington one mentioned above is unlucky) you would think it would be in their interests to act a bit more helpful. Do you think that they genuinly don't know how they are viewed by the community? One of my friends turned up 15 minutes before the baby clinic finished and was told she was too late to be seen. One of the health visitors running the clinic came out of the room to get something and saw her and said there was no problem with her being seen (and they were finished before the end of the clinic). Remember, she was holding baby, bag, etc at the time.

should I send a note to the manager of the centre to tell them how they are perceived in the community? It may only be due to a couple of inexperienced receptionists (one is a man in late middle age who would be unlikely to know how hard it is to reach a thigh high table to fill in details with a 7 month old in your arms who is grabbing for everything)

The centre itself is great and the lady in charge of stay and play etc is lovely (I think perhaps she is the Manager) but it does seem that there are some issues elsewhere with staff. I still go along from time to time but I know other mums who have stopped going because of things that have happened which is a shame. If it is something you feel strongly about then you have every right to tell them yes. By the way, have you been to the new West dids sure start yet - I went the other day and got a very warm welcome. It was very quiet though so not sure how many mums are aware of its existence!

Hi there ladies! I'm a new mummy to a ickle 10 wk old girl. I was thinking of going to the east Didsbury sure start stay and play tomorrow afternoon- but have never been before and am v nervous :-(. Is anyone going? Or if not let me know what it's like pls. I would love to meet other mums too as I'm on mat leave until march next year!! X