How hard did you find it?

[BackOffMargery]

I am a very intermittent poster on mumsnet, but I am not sure where else to go for this question.

My family and I have moved to Christchurch, NZ two and a half weeks ago. Its for OH's work. It took us a while to get the visas, so the inital excitement was lost in the 3-4 months we were waiting. For OH he really didn't want to come and as things were looking up in the UK with work etc. He basically made that clear for the first two weeks we have been here. Also for a few weeks before we left. As an anniversary present to me he promised he would stop moaning about it, which he has!

I was really excited about moving to New Zealand. Not really sure why. We had lived in a pretty mediocre town in the UK for 16 years and I felt like our lives were stagnating.

Now we are here, I am lonely, I can't find any parent and toddler groups (I have a 2.5 year old and nearly 1 year old) and I miss my friends and family. So, I feel like a bit of an idiot.

I know it has only been 2.5 weeks so I expect things will turn out alright.

How did you feel when you first moved to a different country? How long did it take you to adjust and find your feet?

There's a bit of sun, it should last to the shops and back.
See you by the swings at 10am on Monday?

There is a Plunket Playgroup each Friday morning 10 till midday at Bellvue Ave in Papanui, this will probably be where you will go to Plunket once they get in touch with you. You can always drop in to the playgroup - I have met a couple of really lovely friends there. It is right at the end of Bellvue Ave on the left. Just so you know about it, but i will see you at 10.00 on Monday and I am sure others will come and tell you more about what is out there. See you soon.

BackOffMargery - I am sorry to hear you and DH are having a rotten time.

Somewhwt surprised your DH's company has not provided more support. Good companies know that creating a happy home life is the way to keep expats happy and productive.It is grossly unfair to uproot a famly and dump them in a new country and expect them to carry on as if nothing happened just for the convenience of the firm. DH might need to have a word - especially as he does not sound happy either.

Have you asked DH's company for support in settling in? Practical stuff from their own people on the ground in finding nurseries etc. Meeting the families of other people in the company would also be a big help.

I am just about to send off my final application for to emigrate to NZ so this is something we have to go through too. We know it will be hard but our DCs are older and will be at school so it may be easier.

Sounds like you are making some progress. We've been in Auckland for two years and I've definitely found it harder than expected. And we had moved around a lot before coming here. I think it takes a couple of years to settle in and feel like you have pals- wherever you go.

But remember nothing is forever. Lots of people I know give themselves a time limit to decide if they are going to stay or go back to the UK. If you end up going back, it's not a failure. You will still have had an amazing experience that many people just don't get the chance of, or are too scared to try.

In the meantime check out emigratenz.org. It's a very friendly forum and you can ask any questions such as 'where can I buy a can opener that works?'

I've fallen in love with Auckland- most unexpectedly. But we've still had some major wobbles. Mainly due to housing. We arrived in June and it poured and we froze. How is your accommodation? You really can't underestimate how miserable being cold can make you!

newkiwi - hope you won't mind me making some hihjack notes too.

Auckland is where we are headed. I have heard horror stories of Auckland houses without heating and as we will be arriving in July next year that does sound too grim. What on earth to native Aucklanders do about heating their homes? Renting a modern new build house/flat to start with is our plan to avoid that problem.

We also agree that giving ourselves 2 years to suck it and see is what we should do. If we come back to the UK it will have been a super holiday and a once in a lifetime experience and we feel we will kick ourselves and say 'what if?' if we dont go.

That website looks very good.

Hi BeenBeta
I wish you a very smooth journey through the application process. Its all a bit bureaucratic but our case worker was really helpful. Ours took a while but we got there in the end.
OH's company hired a relocation company for us, so actually we have had a very smooth relocation over all. The lady who sorted us out with a rental house and found some info for us, picked us up from the airport and put some food in the fridge when we got here.
I think I was expecting more info about stuff to do with children, although I was given numbers to ring for Plunket and playcentre. Upon reflection I think that was all she could do.
I think it just hit home that I am very far away from my family and friends and I was a bit naive about moving. I don't know what I expected really. OH is getting more positive about the experience now. Especially as we have been exploring and seen some beautiful sights about 20mins out of Christchurch...

newkiwi thanks for the website tip. I wanted to find a cheapy big saucepan so I will ask there!
We have a warm house - ie it has a heat pump, electric blankets, and two heaters. It also has this ventilation system to stop condensation so we have fallen on our feet really. We've rented a furnished house until our stuff arrives.
I don't mind not having central heating, and I am very glad I packed a lot of jumpers!

Thanks for the good wishes. Our immigration aplication has been quite bureacratic but our case worker as been very good too and her early very thorough work has probably saved us a lot of angst later. We are not absolutley sure to go yet (the final medical and application are to go in by this time next month) but we have got a place in a school lined up and are in the process of setting up bank accounts in NZ.

I will pack jumpers!

Have just name changed.

Most people in Auckland don't have heating. Because it doesn't get cold here. Except it really, really does. The newsreader on Breakfast had a blanket on her knee this morning! New build houses can be warmer but the level of insulation required is 10% of that in the UK. Most places in Auckland don't have double glazing. Just don't do what we did and rent a via on stilts on the edge of a windy reserve with badly fitting windows and no heating! I was so miserable my first winter.

We've since rented two modern houses which are much better. Check your house gets the sun, that windows fit. An HRV ventilation system or any form of heating is a bonus. BUT, be warned that a lot of new builds are plaster and hence potentially leaky. I would strongly advise against buying a plaster home. Google NZ leaky buildings and you will see that many of the houses built after 1996 were built to very low standards with untreated timber. So if they get a leak the frame gets wet and can't dry out. The house then rots from the inside out. Prices of plaster homes have dropped about 10% in the last few months.

Backofmarg - try Warehouse, Brisco's or Farmers. But only if there is a sale on

Stock up on undies as well - my friend who was in NZ says the undies there are shockingly poor quality!(and other clothes too). But M&S do overseas delivery for £10, so that's a bonus if you know what size you need.

I hate the whole antipodean "but it doesn't get cold here" - it bloody does! I have had the fire going for the last month now, I reckon - and it just about keeps the living area of the house warm. One of the other big problems is that they build the houses so openplan that you have huge areas to heat, which is almost impossible.

On the time limit you give yourselves - from what I've heard, talking to other emigrés, 3 years is a good target. 1 year isn't really long enough, 2 might be but 3 to be sure, especially if you're finding it at all difficult. DH has said we can re-evaluate in 3 years but he fully expects us to stay here (being Aussie) and will be utterly gutted if I say I want to go home. So - I'd better make the most of it.

I have heard horror stories of leaking NZ houses too. Our expectations are being suitably lowered.

Mind you, we live in a freezing cold, leaky house with very high ceilings and rotten windows now so it will feel like home from home.

Yes, the relocation lady told us about the rotten houses. There was a law change which allowed untreated timber. And then I couldn't follow the rest of the conversation!

My OH, who is an engineer keeps telling me that the houses are cold partly because of the big windows. We hope to get a house that has a heat pump and a wood burner. Only have to wait till 29 July for our stuff.

Part of the reason we don't necessarily want to move to Lyttelton is that is has a lot of shadow, whereas Diamond Harbour gets loads of sun.

One thing I love about the house we are in now is that it has no stairs! I had three flights of stairs in the UK and it made it hard with two kids.

Oh and just a bit of advice that I find helpful - when you get homesick give yourself 15 minutes to feel sad and then move on...

I really hope some kiwis come along and welcome you soon.

Tis true about the cold - it is seen as a sign of madness to want/expect be warm in your house in NZ, especially in your bathroom or bedroom . In our first flat in Chch when we were youngsters we would wake up in winter with condensation on the duvet. First thing we did when we bought a house was to insulate everything as heavily as we could and put in the mother of all heating systems. We also have a brick house which really helps I think.
Not sure if this will apply to you BOM, but DH is a bit of a football fan and it just isn't as big here in NZ, although there is some excitement about the World Cup. Now we are no longer in the UK and he isn't seeing people every day who are similarly intrigued by the transfer window and the like but still needs an outlet, I have perfected going mmmmmmm and aaahh! when appropriate in conversations which I actually totally zone out.

at zoning out of football convos.
DH is a mad keen football fan, despite being Aussie and is watching some of the matches at 4am - but of course that is in Australia. One channel only is showing all the games - don't know if NZ has one that is doing the same. Paddingtonblue - perhaps your DH should chat to mine on MSN messenger or something!

I do find a lot of the Aussies are amazed that I am cold, seeing as I come from the icepit that is the UK until I mention the central heating issue. Mind you, I am very lucky in that several of the mums I have met have either spent time in the UK themselves or have parents/family who are British.

Talking about condensation on the duvet reminds me of my childhood stays with my grandparents in Sheffield - no CH there either, I had the north-facing box room (no double glazing) and had to sleep on my clothes to avoid them being damp and frozen in the mornings! That was 'only' 30 years ago...

The housing issue is going to be a huge financial burden for NZ over the next few decades. For some reason they thought that housing methods designed for places like Arizona would work well here. As the climates are so similar. Even if you get a house thermal imaged it can only tell you if there is a damp patch at that particular time. But in some places water may only get in if the wind is blowing in a certain direction so the tests wouldn't show that up! Our 7 year old rental is leaking already as the seal around the balcony has gone. Just be really careful about what you buy- we're looking for weatherboard or brick and tile. But buying here is hard.

Been Beta- do you have an area of Auckland in mind?

The Grammar Zone.

sorry, haven't read all the replies, but Playcentre is great. You have to do 'duty' etc, but it means you stay there 1 or 2 mornings a week which means you get to know other mothers very well. The monthly meetings are also a good point of contact, so get involved if you can. At my playcentre they always had wine (at the night time meetings....) and it was great fun.

Playcentre was started as a mothers support group so it is for mothers and children.

it's a fantastic institution, though it does vary rather a lot from one centre to another.

i went to a village where I know 0 people and started playcentre very apprehensively. Within 1 year I knew loads of people. Very great setup for new people.

Chin up, love. You could be in a country where they speak another language, in the middle of a beautiful but entirely German town. DH away abroad most of the time so you wonder why you were dumped here while he schmoozed in English in fab hotels around the world.

I would LOVE to live in an English speaking country again. Then at least I could break the loneliness by at least being able to talk freely to anyone I come across. I am having German lessons but I just want to talk in my mother Tongue....

Self indulgent moan over. I hope you find your happiness very soon. It does take time to settle in to any new country.

BOM, the weather is conspiring against you. I am carless today, but happy to meet you and wander up to the playground in McDs which is perfect for little bodies and most importantly dry. How does that sound?

That sounds good! Is that the McDs in Merivale? We may be slow tho as DS is walking and he's 2 and a half!

Hi Backoffmagery, I am a Kiwi (originally from chch) who has just moved to Belgium 3 weeks ago.

Making friends can be hard but people are friendly in NZ. How about asking your neighbours over for coffee (if there are any mums nearby).

Contact Plunket to see if they an add you to a PIN group. Though that could be a bit harder as they have been together since the babies were born. I've known people who have joined in later though.

Every community has kindergarterns and playcentres. Kindys have teachers but you'll still meet heaps of parents there. Playcentres take kids from 2 and a half and are run by parents so they are a fantastic way to meet locals. You have to "do a shift" each week so you thats a great chance to talks. A shift is about 3 hours while your child is there.
www.playcentre.org.nz/

Each suburb also runs playgoups which are about $3 a pop. Again these are very relaxed and you get a chance to chat with other local mums
www.kidspot.co.nz/700+2300+50+_Family-Activities-&-Fun_Playgroups_Christchurch.htm.

I am a member of this website, which is a mums online chat group. Most big cities have a meet up group and they are VERY open to newbies. Just go on and say hi, start chtting and you'll have heaps of frieds
www2.everybody.co.nz/forum

Theres also Mainly Music which runs out of churches. Very popular and heaps of non-religious people go
www.mainlymusic.org.nz/groups/findagroupinNZ/tabid/98/Default.aspx