Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

how do i get back to the uk

19 replies

lilypond1 · 14/06/2010 08:16

im 32 and have lived in france with my partner for 6 years, we have an 18month old dd and ive just discovered im pregnant again(due dec)things have reached breaking point and i dont think we can stay here any longer, dp is drinking heavily and usually turns nasty(not physically)he works pretty much all the time but we have no money(the french tax system is to blame for that)i dont want dd growing up around bad feeling and alcohol abuse. i just dont know how i could get back to the uk with dd,i dont work so have no money, what would i do when i got to the uk,where would i live? i have no family or money, i cant see a way out

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 14/06/2010 08:20

have you spoken to your parents about it?

Original poster
lilypond1 · 14/06/2010 08:25

my parents are both dead, when i say i dont have any family, i really dont!

OP posts:
Bucharest · 14/06/2010 08:29

I think you should post this in relationships, because from your OP it seems to me this is less about you living abroad, and more about having an abusive husband.

frakkit · 14/06/2010 08:43

Be very careful because your DDs habitual place of residence (France) will be taken into account when deciding custody if you and you partner split.

Will your patrner not move to the UK with you?

ZZZenAgain · 14/06/2010 09:03

I think she watns to get away from him and his alcoholism

expatinscotland · 14/06/2010 09:06

I think you need to start squirrelling away money.

Also, yes, custody may be an issue. The French have a different attitude towards it than the British, and possibly different laws.

Because of the length of time you have been abroad, too, you may not be immediately eligible for benefits.

Ideally, someone living in France will see this and be able to help more.

Bucharest · 14/06/2010 09:15

A good friend of mine is currently having to live in a European country against her will because of the constraints of the Hague Convention re custody issues, so yes, do be careful OP. You need in the first place to get legal advice. This friend of mine is awaiting a divorce, and for the moment her husband will not give her permission to take her children back to live in the UK so she is stuck until the courts decide. It may be different if, as I understand from your OP, he is a partner, not your husband, but most European countries quite rightly hold unmarried fathers to have the same custodial rights as married ones.

Tell us more- do you want to move back to the UK with him, or without him? What is really going on here?

Original poster
lilypond1 · 14/06/2010 11:32

i want to move back without him, the relationship is breaking down rapidly and i want dd to be away from the negative environment we are currently living in, she sees her father drinking daily and then becoming argumentative and rude(if he manages to not fall asleep on the sofa in a drunken slumber)he obviously loves her but does not take an active part in her aily life, bathing, feeding, bed etc.... in his book its ok to play with her for an hour and thats his job done! she was born over here so im worrying about getting her out of france!

OP posts:
BriocheDoree · 14/06/2010 12:52

Lilypond, you really need legal advice. I live in France and I've had a friend in a similar situation who ended up having to stay because of custody issues. Where are you in France? If you are anywhere near Paris I might be able to ask around for a lawyer used to dealing with these sorts of issues, otherwise there might be other people on here who are in your area who might know someone else that has been in your situation.

Bucharest · 14/06/2010 19:55

Lily- if you are still around, please do ask this same question in the relationships topic. I'm sure some posters there would have ideas of women's organisations/advice type places in the UK for the practical stuff as well as the legal and emotional stuff. x

frakkit · 15/06/2010 09:01

The problem (certainly as far as the French will see it) is that your daughter is French, resident in France, with a French father so if you split now she should stay in France.

If you moved back to the UK and then split you wouldn't have the issue, hence asking if he'd move with you.

If you wanted to split but were happy to remain in France that would be fine too. The complicating factor is the proposed international move PLUS split.

Important thing to sort out first - does your DD have British citizenship and a British passport? Assuming you are British and born in the UK she is entitled to it but have you established it?

frakkit · 15/06/2010 09:02

But I definitely second both bucharest and brioche about seeking further advice.

Othersideofthechannel · 15/06/2010 11:25

Lilypond hasn't actually said that her DP is French.

frakkit · 15/06/2010 12:49

Good point...I was rather assuming he was.

Even if he isn't the custody/place of residence issue applies, but things will be even more complex if he is as you start adding nationality etc into the mix.

springaporesling · 15/06/2010 13:34

Hi sorry to hear of your relationship breakdown. There was a lady on my post natal thread in a very similar situation. She doesn't post on there anymore but I have her fb details so will ask if she wouldn't mind helping you out as much as she is able. I also remember she had a thread on here re benefits etc. Her mn nickname was/is steaknife (hope haven't broken mn rules for that) but think if you put that in and benefits in the search you may find something useful.

Original poster
lilypond1 · 15/06/2010 13:59

hi, he isnt french, we are both english, therefore dd has an english passport too! not sure if i should just do a runner, he doesnt speak ANY french and so i dont think he would get very far legally pursuing me, or if he would even bother. 90% of me wants to go and the reamining 10% is petrified of what i will do and how, and of course that part deep down that says i know i can fix this(when i know that really i cant)

OP posts:
frakkit · 15/06/2010 14:02

That definitely simplifies things then, but you would still have the custody issue to contend with. Go and get some good legal advice - are you anywhere near Paris so brioche's contact can help?

Othersideofthechannel · 15/06/2010 18:40

The British Consulate may be able to put you in touch with an English speaking lawyer.

frenchfancy · 16/06/2010 16:37

If your OH doesn't speak french then I think you are pretty safe to do a runner. Given that he is a foriegn national who doesn't speak the language he won't get much sympathy. Whether morally it is the right thing to do I don't know, but given the circumstances I think it probably is.

I know you say you have no family in the UK, but do you have good friends you can turn to?

Are your problems all linked to your OH or do you really not want to be in France any more. To some extend it may be easier for you to stay in France at least until your baby is born, that way you can get your entitlements for materity care etc, but that doesn't mean you have to stay with your partner. Could you talk to the assistant social, they do the rounds of the communes so your Marie should be able to put you in contact. They may be able to sort out housing etc for you.

The difficulty in some respects lies with the money issue. Do you own your home in France? If so then you need to hang around until it is sold to get your share, and as you know in France that can take a long time.

So many questions, sorry. I really feel for you, and would really like to help.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread