just need to wibble .... dh offered permanent job in AD eek ...

[basildonbond]

for the past two and a half years he's been out there 3 weeks on, 1 week back home, but he's now been offered a staff job and he'd like us all to move out there

I'm slightly hyperventilating .... ds1 is 13 and at a fantastic school here where he's very happy, ds2 doesn't deal with change v well and is in y5 and dd has a place in a lovely school in September for y3

ok, pluses, we'd all be together (big plus), the weather (well, some of the year it'd be a plus), general ease of lifestyle, we'd be able to save more by not having to keep up two households, school fees are paid (but they would be for UK schools too)

downsides, schools - finding them, getting places, taking dc away from their friends, being a long way from my friends and family, general lack of culture (I"m not a big shopper), what do we do with our house here? what do we do with the cat??????

would love to talk to anyone who's been through the same thing

Where is AD?

Difficult choice. I assume it's Abu Dhabi. We lived in Oman for three years and would visit the UAE for bright lights, shopping and fun. We didn't have a school aged child then though, she was born there. I can't offer much help but would say you probably won't want for friends, OTOH, it can be claustraphobic. Hopefully someone who lives there will be along soon to offer better advice.

yes it is Abu Dhabi - hyperventilating too much to write it in full!

I've just asked ds2 (off sick today) how he'd feel and he immediately said no, he'd miss his friends and he liked this house .... ho hum

Hey

I loved in Dubai for a year and thought it was "alright". I actually like AD more - I think it's better for families than Dubai. It's more mellow but at the same time it is picking up a bit- there's more going on there than a year ago.

Pluses are the weather- 8 months lovely, 4 months too hot for me, no tax, cheap cars and petrol, can get "help" very cheaply.

Schools- a lot of parents complain about them in Dubai- I think they are expensive relative to quality compared to the UK and check availability of the ones you like as some are impossible to get into.

Culture - there is none in the UAE. There's no getting around that. However, you would be surrounded by very culturally cool places-Jordan, Syria, Jeruslam. It just depends if you think you'd ever get there.

Take the cat with you. Contrary to popular belief, LL's generally dont object to cats as everywhere is let unfurnished. It shouldn't have to be quarantines if it's had a rabies injection and blood test.

thanks

if he takes this job (and he wants to) he'll be committing to a minimum of 2 years, but quite probably more

we've been out there to visit him a few times so know what it's like to be there on holiday but obviously that's very different to being there full-time

The two main things for me are schools and taking the dc (especially ds2) away from friends and family. ds1's school is outstanding both academically and for sport etc and ds2 has mild asperger's - he's v academically able, but can come across as a bit 'odd' and finds it hard to make new friends although he has a fabulous set of friends at his current school who he's known since he was 3 or 4

ds1 is y8 so if we moved in the next few months we'd realistically be looking at him doing GCSEs out there - and we're starting to consider secondary transfer for ds2 as he's now y5

on the other hand, I'm not sure how much longer we can keep this long-distance family arrangement going for ... it's already been 2.5 years and I'm worried the children are growing up without dh being a real part of their lives

don't know what to do, don't know what to do, don't know ......

I would at least try it out, rent your UK home out for 6 months and try it for the sake of keeping the family together.
We did the long distance living apart when DS was small it was terribly difficult, DH started to feel like an intruder at times.

Could you ask the company if there are any other Expat families near by with children the same age or even any with Autism? The kids could email them before the get there that way the would at least feel like they have a friend, plus a more realistic view of what AD is like from a child's point of view.

Most kids will say no to any move even just down the road but generally settle fast kids are very adaptable.

From memory in Dubai there were informal support groups for parents with children with aspergers and autism. Not sure about AD but wouldnt be surprised.

If you post on the AD section of

www.expatwoman.com

or do a search you might be able to find someone who is in the same situation who can help.

Agree with Diary that if you're unsure, rent the house for 6 months to 1 year (might be a good thing to do anyway if you plan to return to the same area).

I have been living in AD for the last 3 years.

There is not a lot of support for special needs children as far as I am aware, but I believe there is an autism support group.

There are some well-regarded schools here, but they are competitive to get into due to shortage of places so you should put the children's names down now (British School Al Khubairat seems to be first choice for a lot of my British friends as it has been around for a long time and includes secondary school).

Lots of British people here and people are very welcoming (since everyone is away from friends and family) so I am sure you would make friends very easily.

I find the climate quite difficult for at least 6 months of the year (I have small children), but your boys are older and would probably love it since there are many activities on offer - I recommend joining the Club (a long waiting list for this so get your husband to apply now as it could take up to 1 year to get membership).

Hope that answers some of your questions.

Also, you could definitely bring the cat - lots of people have cats here. Check out the abudhabiwoman website - lots of good advice there.

my parents were expats my whole life and so i moved ALOT.

they did sometimes wonder if it was best to leave my mom and us kids in one place while my dad worked away. but ultimately, they decided that an education (i went to 4 junior schools and 4 senior schools in different countries) wasnt just about the school itself and that growing up as a family unit was more important than any school we were going to.

the only exception to this was when they went somewhere with NO schools! then it was boarding school. but as soon as my dad could he moved somwhere that did have schooling so we didnt have to board anymore.

and looking back on it, i have to say that they made the right decision. quite frankly, as long as you get a good enough education that you can go to university (if thats what you want) then the school itself doesnt really matter.

arcticfox is right, people in dubai DO complain an awful lot about schools, but that doesnt really mean they are awful, it just means that for the majority of the parents, its the first time they have had to pay for schooling and they may have expectations that are unrealistic in comparison to their home country.

my mantra?

different isnt better or worse. its just different.

hth

did you ever do it?

We're still here ... dh is still there ... still can't decide what to do - how about you?

looks like we moving in July!

I wondered if you'd moved MABS (not in a stalkery way you gave me some advice on a similar thread last year)

[moved to Dubai in the end]

Good luck with the move (especially in that heat I'm back to England for July/Aug to escape it)

how are you finding it?

Upsides

Weather is perfect (at the mo)am in the pool everyday and beach most weekends
Kids happy at school ( I haven't complained about it yet!)
Home help is cheap

Downsides

July/Aug/Sept weather
I'm bored
Conditions of workers/labourers

really pleased to see that re schools, how old are your children? Can totally understand re worker conditions :( can you not get a little job or do voluntary stuff at all? x

dcs are 9 and 6

School is swamped with bored expats
I listen to dd's class read for an hour a week theres not much else really.
Am looking into volunteer work.

My visa doesn't allow any work (have been told you need permission from my sponsor (DH) ..you can imagine the look on my face when I heard that.

indeed i can imagine that!!! listening to reading for an hour a week would probably be my limit too :) million dollar question...do you regret move?

no

In a totally shallow way:
I have a perfect mani/pedi and have no need for fake tan

(but I can't see myself here for more than a few years)

I will be a wizened ol' leatherfaced prune.

i'm liking the shallow idea, i can do that well too! we will have to meet up when i moved to AD. Is dh happy with workin in dubai?

Dh loves it

He does a couple of days a week in AD as well as Dubai, but hes worked out here for a few years so its win win for him with us coming out here.

sure, see what you mean