When (if?) it gets easier ...

[Itsjustafleshwound]

Does saying goodbye/living apart from your family ever get easier? Does this time of year just make it much harder?

My children and I have just had the awfulness of having to say goodbye to my mum with no idea whn I will see her next...

Please tell me it gets easier - I have done this now for many years and it just gets harder ...

Another thing I've thought of, you have your very 'own family that you made. Rather than focussing on your parents and how miz it makes you that they can't be with you, look at how gorgeous your own children are.

Kreecher, I agree that you need to focus on your kids more than parents and siblings in the UK. I go mad getting them nice presents, (my family also send loads of parcels, which cost a fortune in postage!) and trying to create a christmassy atmosphere, which is difficult in a country where Christmas is mostly not celebrated.

Luckily, I have a few friends here who are also ex-pats and we try and do something together on xmas eve.

Shelinka, before we moved to Switzerland we lived in Oman and Thailand. Neither have a huge christian presence. OTOH, we made 'our' own traditions in 'our' family and we enjoy them.

Been away 18 years.
Never been more than 3 hours flight away so was never too bad.

Got difficult after DC 1. No sense of belonging, missing out on family reunions, seing your child estranged from his GP and little cousins, seing your friends DC being like a little family and feeling left out etc....

Now much better. We have DC 2 , they have each other, DC1 has been in the same school for 3 years so we have a new "cocoon", friends, roots.
But we are now 12h+ transit+3h flights away from home and with each friend or family member getting older or ill, it's a new heartbreak not sharing precious moments.

Have to say I do not miss the everyday bickering AT ALL!

Mumoveseas

Sorry, you were so happy about staying at the Jumeriah beach I didnt think i'd offer it up, but honestly my door in Meadows (down the Marina end rather than DXB end) is always open to mumsnetters. And the childmining at JBH is so much better than mine. lol.

Last year there wasnt much of a Christmas at all, but this year its back big time. I guess that will be more of the "how can we screw the expats for more money?"

Agree with kreecher and slim you need to start your own cocoon for your young family, get your own thing going. why not have Christmas when you go home for the summer? have a laugh get snow spay, decs and tree, turkey the kit and caboodle. create your own different life you can take with you.

xx

I agree with EndangeredSpecies.

The people I have met who are most unhappy are those who spend all their free time and money going back to their home country and bemoaning their host country.

Yes, I miss Uk, and I miss my family but I am happy to be where I am at present and am enjoying the life that we have here (and living to a standard that we could not afford in UK).

If possible, get out and explore your host country, meet with locals and do not just exist in an expat bubble. Easier said than done for some countries I know but if you can see something positive about the country then it helps ease the homesickness.

starmummy Sinbads kids club was fab. We'd hoped to leave DD aged 3 there as it said on website from 2 years but when we arrived they whisked away DS aged 9 months!

but being homesick (for me anyway) isnt about the country i am living in. wether its bad or good or otherwise isnt the point.

i am homesick for family and friends.

i think this time of year is harder, not neccessarily becasue its xmas, but because its the end of a long year, and when you are tired and spent and feeling down, then its your family and friends you want.

Expat bubble! I wish.

Here in the arse end of arse end I am the expat bubble!

How long have you been away Its?

I have years when I find it easy and others when I find it difficult. I always feel a little sad at this time of year that I am not in the bosom of my family, but probably we would all end up killing each other!

We have just bought a house here and for the first time in 12 years I know we shall be staying put for the foreseeable future, that, in itself is a scary prospect, no more moving, no more change, how will I cope?

Naturally it depends on which country you are living in. This one is easier than others, partly due to it's history, partly due to the age of my dc.

Is there no possibility of you moving back if you are really feeling it?

I agree Vulpes, it's about missing my UK family. I like living here, I speak the language well, I have dual citizenship, I have a job and "native" friends, dh was born here, dc's were born here. It's hard at Christmas because I do miss my family, and also because there aren't any local christmas activities. I do feel very alone here at this time of year, despite "belonging" here. (We are neighbours btw, I'm in Israel.)

I do get homesick
and we did move back the uk

but then we moved back here again

think it is because I am not good at putting down roots, that I long for certain things

but I agree you have to try to live for now in where ever your present home is

and I do always try to have one fav food thing from England

but it can be hard and it can be lonely but that can be the case wherever you live

hello everyone! can this please be the 'im feeling sorry for myself because im bloody miles from freinds and family today thread' ?

went on facebook (which is a 20 min operation to get it open in the first place) and saw so many happy christmas photos and stuff and eveyone is talking about their new year plans.

bah frikken humbug! its not faaaaair!!!!! (whiney whiney whine)

argh. i hate feeling like this.

on the plus side, it is a pretty day here (if v. cold) and am going to get dressed up warm and take dd out for a walk. maybe that will help.

Exercise usually helps to life the spirits.

I identify with a lot thats been said on this thread as well.
My reasons for leaving the UK are just as valid as ever, but I dont feel really at home where we are (bavaria), and doubt I ever will.

yes, you are right about the exercise thing. but eating chocolate also massively constructive i find....lol.

you know, I am not sure that facebook is such a good idea, really. It brings you artificially close to what you are missing. But it is just the internet - your real life is where you are, and facebook is just an illusion.