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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

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Original poster

how was moving to France for you?

15 replies

anotherbadnight · 08/12/2009 20:22

we're on the brink of doing it - going for another recce after xmas - and the more real it gets the more scared I get.

language side not a problem, but am worried about lots of other things - how will ds (a very strong-willed and settled 4) cope with the change, will he (and we) make friends, is the school playground as hellish as people have me believe ? ... and so on. Would really appreciate some french MN wisdom ...

OP posts:

dilbertina · 08/12/2009 20:33

We've only been here for 4 months so prob. to early to say. We're doing great though and enjoying ourselves. We are however based in an area with lots of english-speakers which has prob. smoothed the road. Likewise the locals seem to be very accepting of crap french speakers and bear with me as I struggle for the right word!

dd1 goes to an english speaking school albeit with french lesson every day, and has settled in easily. (has also meant I've made friends v.quick.) ds will be starting at the local maternelle after christmas, dd2 only 8m so at home for a bit yet!

My personal challenge at the moment is to order something in my bestest french from the fish counter in the supermarket, and to NOT have them reply in English!

SuWoombOfImmaculateConception · 08/12/2009 20:34

My mum and dad moved to Brittany 18 months ago, but I don't think they can help answer your questions, being in thir 50's and retired .

We are going in 13 days and I can't wait.

Hope someone more helpful comes along.

HarkTheHerAuldAngelsSing · 08/12/2009 22:08

I can't say about moving a 4-yr-old, as my two were both born in France or French overseas, but am curious as to why you think the playground is hellish.

Whereabouts are you going? Will you have a job or will you be trying to build up a social network without having any work contacts here in France? One thing that is perhaps hard is getting to know people if you don't have professional acquaintances. But if you join a club or something, and if your DS does an activity on a Wednesday or at the weekend, then you'll meet people, especially if you speak French;

What are you scared about?

frakkinaroundthechristmastree · 08/12/2009 22:18

I think the French have an undeserved reputation for being cold and cliquey. You will make friends as long as you make an effort and people are often very appreciative of your efforts to speak French and will correct you (often in a slightly grandparently strict way) which will help you get better and integrate into the community. I always thought I spoke reasonable French but discovered that it was actually quite 'correct' and 'schoolgirl' - people are a lot more relaxed and friendly when you learn a few slang phrases . I don't know how it is if you speak perfect, colloquial French but I found that asking people about/for help with the language was a good way to break the ice.

Weta · 09/12/2009 13:58

DS1 was 18 months when we moved to France, so I'm not sure about a 4yo, but we have just moved 6yo to Luxembourg and they really do adapt quickly (and quicker the younger they are).

I too am curious about why the playground would be hellish... personally I found the social side much easier once DS1 started school, although it does take a while. My theory about France is that people have to see you a good number of times (20 or so?) until you finally become part of the furniture and they will say hello. This can seem very off-putting at first but rest assured that it's unlikely to be personal!

Obviously it helps to make the first move, although I think people probably respond more slowly than in the UK. There is less parental involvement in the school, but some parents do find a way to help out (and our Catholic maternelle always needed volunteers to sell stuff for fundraising!).

Birthday parties really helped - I would always go to pick him up half an hour before the specified time as you often get a chance to chat to the other parents, and throwing a party was good too.

We were very sad to leave after 4 years, and are looking forward to visiting the friends we made through the school in the Xmas holidays

Good luck with the move!! where are you going?

natsmum100 · 09/12/2009 20:37

Moved to France when DCs were aged 8, 4 and 3. While DS2 (4) found it difficult to settle at school initially, they soon adapted. As for the playground, only had one problem. A boy kicked DS. I told him he must tell the teacher if it happened again. It did. He did. The teacher smacked the boy. It didn't happen again! Good luck.

Original poster

anotherbadnight · 09/12/2009 22:22

thanks for all this
we're self-employed so will have to build up a social circle outside of work. dh is french, i speak french so not so worried about language (for us - kids are not so confident in french)

I agree about the (at least perceived) stand-offishness.

the playground thing ... it's just something several people have told me, that life is tougher in french playgrounds, it seemed teachers didn't intervene as much in those cases. am probably being over-protective.

how long did it take your little ones to settle, would you say natsmum?

what am I scared of? worrying a lot about the upheaval for little one, mostly. he's very settled at school, and hates the idea of going away. I always thought I'd be all 'oh he'll get used to it, they adapt ..' about it but the reality is not quite the same!

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Weta · 10/12/2009 09:19

Re the playground, it probably depends on the school. My only experience is of France really, but I thought they were pretty good in the maternelle. My quiet, shy boy never had any problems... there was one boy (with a neurotic mother) who was bullied on one occasion but it did get sorted out and he became friends with the others.

They had a separate playground for each year group in the maternelle, so the 3yo had their own, the 4yo their own and the 5yo their own before moving to the primary school where they were all together.

It's horrible inflicting the upheaval on your children, you feel so guilty! I found it very hard moving to Luxembourg for that reason - DS1 was extremely well settled with a small group of very close friends, and was very distressed about moving. He's shy and takes a while to make friends, and doesn't fit into the football playing set - it was hard for the first month or so, but 3 months on and he's very happy and has no regrets. And I do think it's harder at 6 than at 4, so I'm sure your little one will cope better than you expect.

Do you know much yet about the school/area? were you the one thinking about the south-west?

Original poster

anotherbadnight · 10/12/2009 11:54

yes - south west is looking likely
thanks for that - three months I can live with, although as you say it's the guilt! but I think I'd have that even if we were moving schools in this country

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pinkhousesarebest · 10/12/2009 16:55

Also if you can bear it, put him in for the whole day including the cantine. They integrate much more quickly imo.

BriocheDoree · 10/12/2009 18:47

Hmm, that's assuming you are allowed to! At our school non-working mums only have the right to 1 day in the canteen and timing your life round school drop off and pick up is a real pain! Fortunately I've just gone back to work part-time...(sorry, that is assuming you aren't going to work straight off when you get there).
Actually I found I settled in more easily once DD was in school. Before I didn't know many other non-working mums in my area.
However, on the whole I love living here.

jenpet · 10/12/2009 21:15

I think an awful lot depends on the school - we've been here almost 6 years, DS1 was 2 when we arrived and went into Maternelle at the rentree that year, and he's come home thrilled to bits tonight to have more "bonnes points" than anyone else in his class! I think it's gone well for him because - it's a small village school, there are no other English speakers nearby (so he had no choice but to pick up the language quickly) and his teachers wanted him to succeed.
I think, for us, being involved however we could - helping at the fete every year, me teaching English (voluntarily) to the little ones, doing that extra bit at every opportunity - helped massively with DS1's success, and our own integration.
I'm sure your DS will suprise you, good luck!

natsmum100 · 10/12/2009 21:56

He started school in
May in petite class, then moved up to grandes in Sept. Still crying in October!! I am teacher so know DCs don't cry at school all day, but it is so different when it's your own!

natsmum100 · 10/12/2009 21:58

But he had problems settling into playgroup in England, so it's probably just him!! He's 8 now and loves school.

Original poster

anotherbadnight · 11/12/2009 17:36

thanks
it's all really encouraging. i know they do adapt and everything but I'll be a mess if my confident little one suddenly starts hating (new)school - he loves it at the moment

you're right about throwing yourself into it - that was my plan too, to get involved with school stuff and meet people that way

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