Moving to NL, dp staying here

[Pawslikepaddington]

Help! How are we going to cope? It is for nine months, and an amazing opportunity for dd and myself, and I was so gung ho about it to start with, but all of sudden it sounds like a ridiculous idea and I don't know what to do. I will miss him dreadfully. What if he hates me for going? I don't know how to feel or what to do.

why isn't he going as well? Can't he leave work?

All I can say to help is that it is possible and so long as your DP is fully behind you going, and can get out to visit you at some point in the 9m, you should be ok.

I am married to an Aussie, now in Australia - but for 4 years, he went back and forth to Australia. The longest we were apart was nearly 8m and it was hard, I kid you not.. but with all the computer communications now, like Skype, Messenger etc. with video links, it's not as bad as it would have been years ago.

Make sure your DP is really happy with your choice - or resentment on his part could lead to him doing something remarkably stupid - but also I hope that he sees it as a great opportunity for you both as well, and lets you go, otherwise the resentment will all be on your side.

I hope it works out for you - 9m is a long time but it's not forever, and lots of people have jobs that take them away for 6m at at time (Oil riggers, navy, army) so lots of people get through it. Perhaps you could try posting on the Forces Sweethearts board as well to see how they cope with the separations?

And seriously consider him coming out halfway through.

Good luck!

very difficult to say with so little info on the dad's take on things.

It is do-able and you will get through it. NL isn't so far that he can't come and visit for a weekend or you can't go back for the weekend.

FWIW my DH2B is currently on the other side of the world, he left at the end of August and the only reason he gets to come back in 5 days time is because we're getting married 10 days later.

I can't answer whether he'll hate you for doing it or not but I strongly suspect he won't! I don't hate my DH2B for going but he didn't really have a choice in the matter. It's very normal to not know what to feel/how to react. I hate the period leading up to separations because I want everything to be perfect but we're both really stressed so I end up snapping and resenting him for having to go, wanting to create some distance before he goes so it won't feel as hard once he's gone.

This is quite a useful link and there is more info on the Forces Sweethearts board (we are very nice...) but you may have to wade through discussions about the relative merits of UK military bases. The site I gave you is aimed more at military spouses left behind but has some interesting info and this article has the emotional cycle of deployment which I find really useful to refer to!