Helping relocating kids abroad smoothly

[Mummysgoneloopy]

Hi,

We are relocating to Brussels from the UK mid Jan, and have 3 dds (age 7.5, 5 & 2 ) - anyone have any advice about announcing the move to them & how to ensure the transition is as smooth as possible?! They will be attending a British school, so hopefully this should help.
We have put the idea into their heads that we may live abroad for a while, by just mentioning it from time to time - but handling the actual move may well be trickier??! They love their life / friends / school here, so am slightly concerned they may never forgive us!!!

I moved from London to Brussels when I was 7 and lived there till I was 18.

I can remember first starting at school - but it was the European school not the British school. It was quite tough in that a lot of the classes were in French so I had to catch up but you won't have the same problem.

Anyway I really liked it there and if it's the BSB in Tevuren they have lots of great facilities and a big ex pat social scene.

(and the bar sells Walkers crisps..)

The main thing I remember about the move is that I was allowed to have a dog- something I'd been nagging about for years so I guess that's how my parents made it easier for me!

There are a fair few people on here based in Belgium so maybe they can help you out.

Good luck.

Children are very adaptable. If you stay happy then they will be happy. Mine have always been very excited about a new move. Make sure they have some favourite toys with them if you have to wait until a shipment arrives, before you go you can do lots of web stuff with them about Belgium, neighbouring countries, flags etc etc and they will get into it all.

They can keep in touch with their friends and school pretty easily, with email and skype and to be honest, will not forget their old friends but are likely to move on to new friends pretty quickly and their 'new' life will quickly become their only life!

My dd has taken moves well, she has lived in three countries and is 8.6. The last time we moved was the most difficult for her. She had made friends with a lot of girls in her class and she was just really upset. The thing that helped us was getting the prospectus for her new school and emphasising the positives. She wouldn't be swimming every day (we moved to Switzerland from Bangkok) but she could learn to ski. Like the master said, she can keep in touch with her friends by email, but she seldom bothers.

You'll all be fine, Belgium is a great place to live, so close to the UK it's not really abroad. There are many english speaking people living and working in Belgium, and on the whole you can get by without learning french or flemish.

But I do recommend you take some language classes, they will help you feel more integrated.

There is an organisation for english speaking families in Belgium - Brussels Childbirth Trust (BCT) - which has a lot of social activities. There is even english speaking Brownies and Rainbows.

And of course the occasional belgian mumsnetters meet ups which you are welcome to join!

Thanks for all the positive feedback. I think our girls are pretty adaptable, so fingers crossed they will be fine.
Actually new concern is the grandparents - since we broke the news they are devastated, having always had us within a 20 min drive. Think they won't miss us, just the kids - though hopefully we can get a big enough house for them to stay.
Good idea "girlsyearapart" re dog - we are considering rabbits - but need to check re pet rules in house we rent.
"Belgo" - would love to meet up with Brussels mumsnetters - do you run the group?

No I don't run the groups, if you look regularly under this topic 'Living Overseas', there should be a thread next time we meet up. This is the last thread here.

And you may want to start your own thread asking for belgian mumsnetters, that should get our attention.

Some of us are also BCT members.

I find Belgium to be much more family friendly than the UK. Brussels has some lovely parks and playgrounds and there are all manner of things laid on for children. Its also much more acceptable to take them out to eat.

I 2nd Belgo's suggestion of joining the BCT - it's a very good way to meet people. There are toddler groups most days at Wezembeek-Oppem and local groups for most areas. DD has started Rainbows this year. Do you know where you will be living yet?

Also there is a British Shop amd a branch of Waterstones in Brussels so you can keep stocked up with UK favourites.

Belgo - thanks for the hint I will resurrect the thread for a meet up pre-xmas!

We are making a visit at end Nov to look at schools & house hunt.
Think dds will attend BSB unless hate when visit it ! Otherwise will be BJAB I think which leads us to live in Tevuren, but concerned there is not much on rental market at mo. Anyway we have a relocation agent dealing with all this side, so guess we just turn up & look at offerings. Looking forward to BIG house with lots of outside space if we chose Tevuren, but will have to wait & see.
Must admit Brussels does look really great for families - looking forward to it!

Have you seen immoweb.be? That is is the big rental website. I sent our relocator a list of the areas/places i wanted to see. Be warned - Belgians do like a new build!

They inherit granny's house and put it on the rental market. These places look gorgeous in the pictures - art deco villa with huge garden and fireplaces. Reality is no plug sockets/70s bathroom and mouse droppings in the cellar.

We have lived in 2 places since we moved here and both were new. You can be lucky with renovations. Some people DO bother to update the house first!

Our relocator showed us ONE place that actually met the criteria I had sent. Well maybe 2 but the house was horrible inside. And I come up this from a renters rather than buyers perspective. If you are buying you will sort the horrible bits.....

If I can be of any help, please let me know!

We moved to Luxembourg in June with children aged 5 and 2.

2-year-old was absolutely fine - at that age they just want to be with their parents. It was a wrench for me leaving behind his fantastic childminder, but he settled pretty quickly into creche here.

5yo is a very sensitive and slept really badly for about 3 months prior to the move (couldn't get to sleep each night, had loads of things on his mind). We had tried to stop talking about it too much but in the end it worked better to ask each day if there were things bothering him. Though in hindsight we should perhaps not have told him so far in advance.

He was also very upset about leaving his friends - we had a goodbye picnic before we left with his 3 closest friends and I got them to draw little pictures for him which I then put in a frame (one for 4 photos) to bring with us.

I also printed out stuff from the internet about all the fun stuff for kids in Luxembourg, and we made a scrapbook (you could get tourist brochures if you're in Brussels sometime). Then when we moved we made a point of visiting some of these places.

Actually the move itself was much less traumatic than the lead-up - I think for him it was the fear of the unknown. It has been a big change for us as I am suddenly working full-time for this first year and DH is at home - plus he had 2 months of summer to get through with the kids and no friends. But school started in September and DS1 has already made a few friends.

As for announcing it, we'd done the same as you and made noises about living elsewhere one day - in the end I think the best thing is to be honest and open (but not too far in advance!) and focus on the positives of where you're going - but also stress that you'll come back to visit.

Good luck!!

Thanks for all the info! We actually have just returned from our house hunting visit (having found a great house in Overijse - not Tervuren, but just it just didn't have what we wanted & not really far away anyway.
Does anyone know about a good nursery for our 2.5 year dd? Kindercrib is full at BSB (and starts at 8.10am!!), Montessori looks really expensive & we don't get funding for nursery from dh's employer. Just want something a couple of mornings a week to give me a little bit of time to do stuff solo!!

St Pauls British Primary also have a creche.

Also useful

On both our moves we found it really helpful to leave home in the afternoon, then stay at a hotel the night before we travelled. We went out to a park, then to supper somewhere great and watched movies in the hotel - it felt like an exciting start of something. I'd been warned by friends how hard it can feel to leave your home and get straight on a plane/train - all too emotional. The hotel gave us a break. It means too that you are fresh and perky for travelling and arriving in your new home the next day. The day/morning of last minute packing etc is always horrific too, however well you plan. Try to send children off with a friend. I didn't and it was a disaster - the only upset we had was when my son saw his room completely stripped and sad looking.

Good luck! Living abroad is such a fab adventure.

We also left home in the afternoon and had an overnight stay before flying to Geneva the next afternoon.

Get the DC to decorate a packing box and pack some of their favourite toys. Tell the removal guys to make sure that these boxes are last on if possible, so first off the lorry. Means that your DC have some 'old friends' waiting in the new house.

We got a dog not long after arriving and that was the moment that they really began to settle in.

We have been here just over a year and the DC love it here, and only rarely talk about old friends.

In terms of grandparents - my parents live in the US, and we are in London and they miss the dc terribly. The thing that has really helped them is that we have a weekly ichat on the computer for 45 min or so. They can see kids, catch up on our week and feel more up to date and in our lives. (And it is 'free' - no phone bill!) Might be worth setting up something like that for them.