English mum in France, husband walked out - what do I do next?

[steaknife]

Ttile says it all, DH is French, DD is 11 months and has a british passport.

I am staying in France for the time being, lawyers appt in 2 weeks.
I am in the flat, rented, and we currently get housing benefit and family benefit.

My last employment ended in Jan 2008 in the UK.

I would like to stay in France, I had plans to do an intensive language course to improve my French enough so that I could get a pt job. But now I don't know if that is possible as I have no income.

Childcare no problem as live close to ILs.

Or should I just head for home? Though obv not going to move DD without DHs consent. And obv hoping that by staying put a reconciliation might occur [fool that I am emoticon]

Does anyone know what extra benefits I could qualify for?

Yep shoes and anything big, though we have pretty much everything we really need.
clothes I just wait till the sales and try to buy ahead of time too.

Actually it is the basics too, things like multi packs of bodysuits of pjs for the baby. They just don't seem to do them in the supermarkets or the chains that we have in town.

I miss Boots!

Yes, I found that at first for the basics. High street shops just don't seem to sell them. But you can get them through catalogues like La Redoute and Trois Suisses.

Hi Steaknife
Just wanted to add my commiserations to the others... for the clothes and shoes, I found La Halle aux Chaussures had cheaper shoes that were still of reasonable quality, and for clothes I got a lot from Ebay. I know often people don't want secondhand for their first child, but honestly by the time you get to the second one you really don't care (well I didn't anyway) and it's so much cheaper, plus you can often find stuff that's hardly used. Just a thought anyway.

Good luck with your decisions... though I'd agree with the others that if you can't work it out with your DH your life would be a lot easier in the UK than in France. I'd think really hard about going near your mum as I think support is vital, especially as you're not keen to put your baby in full-time childcare and your mum is willing to help.

come what may, i would return before 12 months - you can always go back - i would not be forced to stay anywhere legally - how long do you not have to be resident in france for that law to be defunkt?

Think v. carefully long term. I had a neighbour when I lived in Switzerland who suddenly split from H - he was having an affair. She was not allowed to return to her home country with her kids, so was essentially forced to stay in CH, and didn't have any swiss recognised qualifications so was really miserably, poor, homesick and trapped for at least 15 years

Re cheap basics, why not do a big M&S order - it's £10 delivery, but after a couple of items, you've already saved the money. Cheapest kids jeans here are 25 euros, m&S £6, so I ordered about 6 pairs of jeans, loads of pants socks tshirts and baby body suits miles cheaper

Hello again.

Well DH just passed, I thought he was coming for lunch and to see DD, turns out he was coming to tell me he wanted a divorce.

I said I wasn't ready to think about that and he said, "Not ready? You've had three weeks"

I had only just made appts to see social services etc etc, but I don't see the point now. No point fooling myself any longer, best make plans to come back to UK.

I am still going to see the lawyer next week. He suggests we share a lawyer I agreed but not sure now if that is such a good idea. I know he is trying to be reasonable but I feel so beaten down by it all.

no don't share a lawyer, you need someone with youbest interests not conflicted interests.

ithinkyou made the right choice to come back to uk.

Good, I'm happy to hear you are back in the UK, I know you love France, and if you are back there again in the future, it will give you more happiness if you know that it's your choice and you're not 'bound' either way.

Ernestthebavarian, you are so right... My English x tried to take me to court to force me to stay in the Uk, even though he wouldn't give us a penny! So I don't know how he thought that was going to work out. I got chatting through an Irish forum to an English girl who was in similar shoes to your friend. Her husband cheated on HER, and yet, he was able to dictate to her that she MUST remain in Ireland with their children. The Hague convention is a crock of sh1t on this point. Mothers need the support of their friends and family. I feel quite strongly about this one.... bit of a rant. Phew..!

Mrs Pickles. thanks. I will check that out properly.
DH has agreed to us going for 2 weeks and has agreed that DD should live with me in the UK, but you never know how these things can turn.

sorry it has turned out this way . Hope you can get sorted in uk.

Steaknife, have just seen this.
Not sure if you have headed off for the UK or are still in Gap.
If the latter, or after your return from your 2 wks in the UK, I'm about an hour and a half away from you down the motorway, maybe a little less, the last exit before Aix.
If you want to come and see me and talk, cry, drink, whatever, just sing out. I'd come to you, but have a 3 month old and an older son and have just moved house, so the trip doesn't appeal, I'm afraid...but you are very welcome to come here and talk things through. My DH is an avocat, though not at all in that line, but could maybe help with queries.