Help!! does anyone live in saudi?

[woodstock3]

dh has just been approached about a job there. nothing's certain yet but it's good money - rather too good to turn down. however i'm used to working ft and there's no way i could do what i do out there, i dont think. also have very real worries about living in a country where women are so restricted in what they can do.
the likely salary would be enough that we could do without my salary but we have a baby ds and am worried about being trapped in the house all day being slowly driven mad in a country where there's nothing i can do but shop.
but maybe im out of date (as my experience is limited to a business trip years ago). can anyone help?

I've never been to Saudi but am very familiar with Middle Eastern culture and have read a lot about Saudi. Which part exactly? If its the capital, then yes, it will be slightly more westernised but still a massive culture shock. Try reading Desert Governess by Phillis Ellis. She was an English teacher to one of the Saudi royal family and wrote about her experiences out there. The expat community is very close knit over there and they have a club, newsletters etc....not sure about the working full time though and you wouldn't be allowed to drive...

On the other hand, Middle Eastern culture is so lovely and warm towards children and so much safer than over here

I know lots of people who have lived in Saudi, and most have had a good time because of the roaring social life amongst expats. But you basically get treated as though you were a smear of dirt on the pavement if you are a woman. You have no freedom of movement because you can't drive and can't go in the car with a man who's not a relative, so getting around is a bit complicated, and you have to wear a big black tent even when it's 48 degrees outside. There is also a real risk of terrorist attack, though petty crime is low. Most people also seemed to have been thrown in jail for a few days at least once by the religious police for being at parties where alcohol was served. Seriously weird place.

I'd go to a good bookshop and ask for some reading material.

I think you would find it restrictive. I have visited there and even though I myself am Muslim I would find it difficult to live there. OTOH I have relatives there and they are pretty happy because they all socialise with each other.

I am one of those smears of dirt on the pavement!
I live in Riyadh (am British) as my DH works out here. Have been here 3 years now and although it is VERY restrictive, we've made the executive decision as a family that it is best for us now. The money is very good, we live on a western compound which has good facilities although it is a long way from civilisation (around 45 mins to the nearest shopping centre).
I have to wear an abaya and headscarf in public (the afore-mentioned black tent) I cannot work here (I am a divorce lawyer and not much call for those here!) although there are occasional jobs available for women if you want to be a part time helper in a school! You would need to look on it as a career break!
If you would be living on a western compound, great, you will have a good lifestyle however if 'living out', that would not be much fun.
I am not allowed to drive (stupid bloody law!) and advice above is correct about not being in a car (or even anywhere in public) with a man who is not a relative except if he is an employed driver. Had a difficult dilema last night as my DH and I had a car crash and by law you are not allowed to leave or move the car before the police have attended (this can take hours!) As I am 5 months pregnant and had our DD aged 2 with us and were standing on the side of a motorway, it was not ideal so when one of my husband's Saudi colleagues stopped and offered to drive me home we had to seriously consider whether to risk it. In the end I did but god knows what would have happened if we had been stopped! The muttawa (religious police) occasionally bother us (making us cover hair in shopping centres if naughty and not wearing headscarf) and doing stupid things like taking pumpkins out of our trolleys in supermarkets (last year just before halloween!) but we just try to ignore them. By the way, they are really strict on alcohol now (totally dry country) and if caught you are more likely to be thrown out of the country than in jail.
Shopping can be a pain in the a* as the shops shut for salah (prayer) so you have to time it just right but you get used to working around it
Other than that, its fine and pays off the mortgage! Any idea where you would be if you moved out here?

My SIL lived with my brother out there in Tabuk for several years. She actually enjoyed sun bathing, gymming and socilaising all day. I would struggle but they had a huge salary so could buy a house in the UK and looked on it as a golden finacial opportunity. Good luck:

I lived in the eastern province in Dharan for 2yrs. Where is the job ? Over in the Eastern province it was very relaxed. I worked for a very large oil company and we didn't wear abayas or scarves. We did visit Riyadh and it was much stricter.

The camp where I lived was huge, we drove on camp as women, and could go in a car with any men. Bharain is very close for a legal drink, and the social life was great. I now have a family and would consider going to the eastern province with them, for a set period to earn money. Our camp had great facilities for families with all ages of children, and christian church services etc etc.

I am a practising muslim.I am a lawyer and my father used to work in saudi i could not live there,might consider it if financial incentive was amazing but only for a few years.

Dhahran is so much more civilised than Riyadh. We like to go up there for weekends sometimes as it is more relaxed. Bahrain is great for a weekend escape (glass of wine and bacon buttie!) but the cost of hotels there is rising rapidly.
woodstock, you really need to get your DH to find out more about where you would be, ie Riyadh/Dharhan/Jeddah etc and where the accomodation would be and hopefully then you can get more advice suited to where you would be.

Yes I agree as different areas will suit you better. But......if you needed the money and had a goal I would consider anywhere

thankyou all had begun to assume that mumsnet was blocked in saudi what with all its subversive lady wickedness
we would be in riyadh, in a compound. am thinking in some ways as we are ttc again it's not the end of the world (i could treat it as a career break and it's not like i would've been having a wild party life back in the uk with small baby). and it is enough money to hopefully pay off the mortgage back in the UK which gives us options we would never have had otherwise. but....
mumoverseas, when you say you can't go out in public with a man other than your husband/relative/driver, are you allowed out with another woman? or not at all? would it ever be possible to take dcs out sightseeing with another woman and kids for example? am worried about the impact on ds as well as me of having horizons so narrowed - the job would probably involve DH travelling a fair bit so i might be on my own a lot.
also does compound living drive you slightly bonkers (small circle of people etc) or is it ok? hate the idea of living overseas and not being involved at all in local culture but frankly, from what i hear of local culture in saudi it v much doesnt want to be involved with me, so that'd be the only option.
we are at a very early stage in decision but if it gets to that, can anyone advise on what would be standard things to ask for as part of the package from the company - eg a certain number of flights home to uk a year? what is cost of living like - presumably not a hell of a lot to spend money on...especially once you factor out alcohol?

duh sorry i meant we would be in JEDDAH not riyadh

Its things like not being able to nip to shops without major planning that drives you mad.Why dont you see if there is someone you can speak to in advance on compound.You will spend money, the shops are laden.I dont drink but used to get very bored.

hi woodstock,
shame you are not in Riyadh as loads of us expats here. I've not been to Jeddah yet although I keep meaning to go for a weekend diving trip but apparently its lovely, so much more relaxed than in Riyadh which is probably the worst part of Saudi to be in with regards to restrictions.
ref going out in public, of course you can go out with other women and you will probably find that on your compound there will be a shopping bus that goes during the week to the local malls for all the wives. Hopefully you'll have a playgroup or nursery on your compound too if its a decent size and decent facilities. We have small pools on each small neighbourhood and a large central outdoor lagoon pool, indoor pool, tennis, squash, bowling, gym etc so a lot to do. There are places to go out and about as a family or with kids but in Riyahd they sometimes have very odd rules in that they have 'ladies' days when only women (and small kids) can go and other times its men only. I'm pretty sure Jeddah is much more relaxed though.
Compound living can drive you mad and I've found its important to make a few friends outside as my compound is ALL my husband's company and its nice to make friends that have nothing to do with your husband's job!
Depending on the company your husband is working for you will probably find there is a set package depending on his role. In my husband's company everyone gets a 'free' house on the compound and two return flights a week and also school fees paid (in Kingdom) If kids return to UK boarding school (as one of mine has just done then we get an allowance towards it which doesn't cover it all but it helps). Also, depending on the employees grades, it depends what other benefits we get. My husband is a manager so we get a houseboy (little indian man that comes in 5 days a week to do the washing, ironing & cleaning) and other grades get a driver/chef etc. Also, managers get business class flights as opposed to cattle. I think you might find that in recent months less people had been coming out here (although due to credit crunch that may change!) so hopefully he can get a good deal.
Ref costs of living, certain things are very cheap. Imported food is expensive but local stuff is cheap, eg, I bought some nice steak for 3 today for SR10 (around £1.50).
Petrol is cheap, we fill up our car (Dodge Durrango) for around SR50 (£7.50) - yes, seven pounds fifty pence! Our Volvo XC90 at home which is around the same size cost me £95 to fill up last month in the UK. I nearly cried!
It is a decision not to be taken lightly but can change your life. we own a house worth around £450,000 in the UK and in the last couple of years have got our mortgage down to around £40,000. we have also paid off the mortgage on our house in the UK and own two cars without loans. Our kids go to private schools. None of this would be possible without being in Saudi. My husband and I are 40 and 41 years old and will probably go home next year or the year after and will have no mortgage and a large lump sum. Worth sacrificing a few bacon sandwiches and the odd drink for (by the way, the home brew is good!) As your little one is young, its a good time to do it. My eldest is 15 and we are stuck til he finishes his GCSE's next year. My 12 year old DD started at a UK school in September as we didn't want to be 'stuck' here due to her having exams in a year or so. Our youngest is 2 (and another one on the way!) and we've made a decision to return to the UK by the time she would start in reception. They reckon a year here is worth 5 in the UK (financially, ie saving money etc) so definitely worth it in my opinion. Good luck with your decision making!