Visiting and staying with MIL

[Ambermum]

We live overseas but currently visiting UK and staying with MIL with our children. Their grandma.

We are here for two weeks. I am struggling with the cleanliness and pet hair everywhere (on carpets, sofas, even on kitchen counters and utensils). Last time I was here she cooked a stew and it had pet hair in it. Also walked around in white socks and they were brown by the time I changed them. She said she had mopped and scrubbed before we arrived but I don't know the last time. There is no bad smell just dirt and hair.

I wouldn't say I'm an overly fussy person but hair and food is definitely where I draw the line. Anyway. I ended up tidying up the kitchen and deep cleaned the surfaces and my husband said she took offence. I have no idea what to do and I feel grossed out eating when she prepares food and don't really want to stay here anymore.

We have stayed here multiple times but it is definitely getting worse as she's getting older and doesn't seem to have the same standards.

Please help! What can I do?

Move to a hotel. I wouldn't have my kids playing and eating surrounded by filth and animal hair.

I don't think you can do anything other than stay elsewhere in future.

I sympathise -- we once borrowed an apartment that belonged to the mother of someone DH had worked with, and it was covered in pet hair. I couldn't eat anything there, even if we'd brought it in from elsewhere, and even bathing our toddler in the bath was gross, so we just vacuumed and cleaned the bedroom we slept in, and spent the rest of the time out. Fortunately only for a weekend.

I wish. She lives in a village in the middle of nowhere and then we wouldn't see her. We see my parents too and this is the compromise. To stay with his family the same amount of time. I have a baby and still breastfeeding so he can't go alone and even still I'm grossed out for my kids. Do I need to have a conversation with her? It's so awkward and gross.

How bad is it? Have you been honest with your DH and said this is not hygienic enough for the DC?

I sympathise as I cannot tolerate dirty houses and life is too short to feel obliged to stay.

It’s your DH that needs to have the conversation with her.
That’s minging 🤢

Is there really absolutely no possibility of staying in a air b&b? Can't you hire a car and visit her daily or go for day trips with her? I really couldn't stay under those circumstances, I'd throw up! There's no point having a word with her, she's getting older and it will only get worse if anything. Anyway, even if she made an effort this time, it will be back to square one by your next visit.

I have a similar problem with my MIL. We try to stay elsewhere nearby and visit for the day, and we do a deep clean of her kitchen as it's not easy for her to keep on top of it (BIL and his wife are nearby but also busy/don't help - I don't get involved in the family politics). As the kids have got older they've learnt to keep their hands extra clean as they've witnessed her not washing her hands after the toilet etc.

We have the same problem, they clearly tidy up for us but for sure they never wash the floors. I find excuses to stay with my parents instead and just visit for the day (fortunately they live 10mins from each other). I like to put white socks on the DC on those days in the hope that they notice how dirty they get but they haven’t noticed yet. When DC were babies I’d take a blanket for them to lie on as the rug is covered in dog hair. I’d stay somewhere else if I was you, say you need your own space.