Should I stay or should I go?

[ThisMellowRaven]

I live as a migrant in a european country in a City well organized and with good Services and social security buy I don’t like it. I never achieved to have a stable life Here. I am hustling and have very few to little friends. I have the feeling I tríed my best to establish but I just didn’t manage so far. I am currently unemployed and pregnant. The dad knows but we were never in a relationship it was a casual ONS, he is not nice to me and does not treat me right nor has been any support during pregnancy. I want to relocate to my home country which does not have such a strong social system buy I have a personal support system and feel joyfull when I am there. The father, who already had 3 kids from 2 other women is opposing and want to do paternity recognition. I think I need to make a decision soon and feel paralyzed.

Leave now, before you give birth and he has the ability to manipulate you through your child!

Leave before the birth. I stayed and I really really regret it. I'm completely isolated, no family support and my childs father abuses both me and our child through the court system.

I wish I had listened to my gut and left when I was pregnant 😔. He can make it so hard to leave once your child is born there.

Go home now before your baby is born. Good luck.

I agree with others: leave immediately, before your baby is born. You don't even have to tell him you are leaving.
All the luck and best wishes 🙏

Go find your joy 🙂

I think you should just go. And asap.

I agree with the others, leave.

I am sorry to read that Onwardsandupwards24!! That’s exactly what I am fearing, my worst nightmare… He already announced he won’t stop, and “it won’t be nice”

I would go home ASAP, and definitely before the baby is born.

Does the father know where your home is? If not, I wouldn’t tell him where you’re going, just go. He has already told you that he is going to use the baby to bully and abuse you, so you really don’t owe him onward contact details.

Your child will be better off without a father who threatens its mother. So don’t feel guilty for withholding a non-father from your child.

{mention:ThisMellowRaven}thats@ThisMellowRaventhats awful but he's giving you warning. So take heed of it and go. However bad you think he'll be, he'll be worse.

You and your baby will be so much better off with loving family support. If he wants a fatherly relationship with your child later down the road he can put in the effort and travel to you. Put you and your baby first ❤️

Thanks to all of you for the good advice! After reading all of you and talking to friends and relatives, I am planning to leave. Just alone the idea of living the postpartum days lonely in the winterdays with the dad pressuring me to sign a paper but giving no support at all gives me a small glimpse into my future. No thanks!

Leave as soon as you possibly can.

There is nothing for you to lose in the country you are in , and plenty to run from!

You can return in the future if it becomes a good choice.

Leave before it is too late to fly… or get trains and boats. Leave before he realises what you are planning.

Do it quickly.

Oh! These comments are so accurate and eye opening, thank you all. I guess BangersAndGnash is right, nothing to loose and plenty to regret.

@ThisMellowRaven
I'm happy to read that you are planning to leave.

Be where you feel joy!

I wish you all the best!

Don’t tell him you are leaving or he will try to stop you - just go!

Just checking to see how you're doing @ThisMellowRaven

Hey, hey! @Onwardsandupwards24 that’s so kind of you. I did it!! I arrived to my moms place yesterday. Just one week before I could not fly for medical reasons anymore. I feel so relieved, I will face other challenges, I am sure, as I have no income at the moment and coming back to mommy feels kind of weird, but I am keeping the custody of my baby girl and offering her a family supportive environment. With her granny and uncle nearby. This post and all your answers were really helpful to help me clarify the situation. As it was not clear to me at all, what the consequences of staying could be. I had to plan everything in a rush. Sublet my appartment and tried to sort all things out, but I guess I still have to go back and close everything properly. It was many years of my life over there. 🥹

That is amazing news!! Well done you! You are a super mum and doing everything to put your girl first.

I'm sure it's strange to be back, but soak in the support and love. Now you are on the strong foot and you don't have an abusive man weaponising the love of your child against you.

It's a lot to process moving so quickly but in my eyes it's definitely the right thing. Be kind to yourself 💕💕

I am also still debating with myself if I should let him know at all I left or just bluntly disappear. What do you think moms? What would you do?

You are amazing

Well done

I wish I had done this when my bastard ex started abusing me 8 weeks into the pregnancy

They only get worse

We eventually got away but he tried to get us back and pretended that we had lied to him blah blah
2k later
With a few court cases we are free

And then
It went to criminal court and that offered a 15 year restraining order

Anyway

Good

For you Op

@hellohellooo Gosh! That sounds horrific.I am glad he has to stay away now. I guess I managed to dodge that bullet. He was already announcing such a behavior and I know from myself how lonely can it get over there. In that welfare paradise…

Honestly? I'd ghost him if you can.
It all comes down to:

1. Which country you are giving birth in - does that give nationality of your home country? Do NOT put him on the birth certificate!
2. His European country - how strong are they on custody rights, paternity tests etc would he/does the have the £ to pursue?
3. If you weren't together and have done a moonlight flit, has he even been in touch? Does he know where you are? Or have you blocked him?
4. He sounds like a Deadbeat Dad. A Remo for child maintenance is possible in EU but I'd cut him out completely as he sounds abusive and coercive. You and your child do not need that.
5. What you tell your child in the future when they need to know their medical history/want to know who their father is. I'd be honest and at the right time say it was casual and you have the name/he also has two half-siblings out there but he was not a kind man and that's why you left.

Good luck to you.

Definitely go home! You'll be so miserable otherwise.

Sorry, didn't see your updates - huge kudos for taking such fast positive action!!

She's gone home Spring!

I wouldn't in your position. Just focus on yourself and your baby and don't invite any extra stress.

He can reach out to you if he's anyway interested.

It's traumatic to have to pack up your life and move so quickly. I wouldn't invite in any extra stress at this moment

And whatever you do don't put him on the birth cert