Is there ever a good time to make the move?

[YesNoMaybeWhat]

I'm looking for insight into taking an opportunity abroad (in France from the UK). DH and DD have EU citizenship, I don't but I can work if DH is there (which he 100% would be). We could all learn French and have a fabulous outdoors life.

I got so excited at the prospect, but now I'm thinking of the reality and complexity. DD is 7 so it feels like a good time. It's not so far away that we can't get back if family need us. Are we being selfish though, parents are early 70's but not in the best of health, but grandparents lived into their late 80's and 90s. We could rent out our UK house for a couple of years it seems.

Argh!!!! We lived overseas for 10 years before coming back to the UK 9 years ago. It's so much harder to decide this time round.

Regret what you did do, not what you didn’t.
Leaving family is not selfish - it’s your life and it is far too short to allow opportunities to pass you by.
Bon Voyage x

Haha, my usual motto @Youvebeenframed ! I've got timid as I've grown up. That's annoying.

We moved to France when DS was 9, 3 years ago. Love it.

BTW, you can work once you get your carte de sejour; once you've got that, you're not dependent on your DH being physically in the country. Obviously when you arrive, yes, as he'll effectively be sponsoring you.

@Oriunda that's encouraging to hear and thanks for the heads up on the permissions. Do you have any words of wisdom from your experience? Did you speak French before moving? My biggest worry is feeling isolated without language skills. Plus navigating accommodation and schools alongside starting a new job!

That’s the best age. I did it with teens and pre teens and would not recommend that age

You said you could learn French - do you speak any already? I cannot stress how hard it can be when you do not speak the language. Bureaucracy can be terrible. Even getting your hair cut is hard :) Finding work will not be easy. It can take time to make friends.

That being said, in my experience, your dd should pick it up quite quickly in school. I personally wouldn't wait til closer to secondary age as PP said.

Other important things to think about - the Hague convention - once your dd is habitually resident there, you couldn't unilaterally decide to leave the country with her, if god forbid anything went wrong in your relationship. Same shit difference country. You take yourselves and your problems with you.

Maybe I sound a bit negative - we did this (not France) 19 years ago and I was quite miserable and lonely for about the first 3 years.

That being said - we are still there - and I don't regret it.

Won't you need French for your job? What about your DH and work? I have to say I would hesitate to move to France without speaking French. Or indeed anywhere without having some level of adequacy in the language -- it limits you so much socially, and makes getting settled with housing etc difficult, quite apart from the freakish nightmare that is French bureaucracy.

I spoke some French, but signed up for conversation groups via the local AVF. I was lucky enough to find a tribe quite quickly; I joined the local Facebook page before I even moved, and was able to connect with another new parent. Our area is very expat heavy, which helps.

We had relocation help for the first flat, but no help with schools; I had to research all that myself.

I would state that, if you have no French, you will want to move to the expat areas. It's totally possible to make friends there and navigate life with a little French, but the bureaucracy as mentioned above is hard, especially when getting your carte de sejour etc, as you'll need at least 3 visits to the Préfecture, so if you have no French you'll need someone with you who does.

Make sure your DD keeps up with her written and comprehension in English not just reading!

If your DC wants to be a Dr in the future it is cut throat in France with a culling of the lower performing students once the medical degree is started so not guaranteed.

Go for it.

Have an exit plan if needed.

Live somewhere with good transport links.

Many engineering jobs in France are in English too.

We've been here for nearly eight years - moved when DS was 9. I'm a fluent French speaker and do all the family admin (including all the legal paperwork for our house purchase, although we did have an English-speaking notaire which helped avoid any misunderstandings). It would have cost thousands to get a translator or interpreter to sort out the stuff I've done over the years: schools, doctors, dentists, hospitals, energy grants, phone companies, utilities, driving licences, the list goes on. We live in an area with lots of international residents but few English speakers within the French community. Don't believe the "paperasse" hype - in our experience, the French are only too happy to fill out forms for you, but you do need to understand what you're signing.

Thanks for the responses, certainly making me think. The job I'm interviewing for is international, based near Geneva but in France, so whilst I won't need French to work I'm keen to learn as is DH. The job pays enough that DH could be a SAHP to begin with to help DD settle and spend time sorting things out and may be able to work remotely in his profession ultimately if he wants to.

I have some basic French, probably around A2 currently. I got an A at GCSE a long time ago and spent most summers chatting to kids on French campsites so if I try I can just about remember some vocabulary, although asking if people want to play tennis is only going to get me so far. It looks like there are bilingual schools in the area, although I haven't got the the point of enquiring about availability.

I guess we won't know how difficult it will be unless we try! Got to be offered the job first of course :-) On balance I think it would be a good opportunity that won't harm anyone, so given the chance I'd take it. Hopefully the grandparents' health will hold out and they can visit frequently. They know the area reasonably well from those long ago summers so they would be happy to come over for holidays.

I would do a second, more specific post about living on the French side of Geneva. I think there's quite a few people who do that because it's cheaper than living in CH. Then ask about international or bilingual schools, assuming the firm won't be helping you out with that?

In France the bilingual schools will be private, but you could also look for French state schools that to have a British section. Your child will still be expected to have some French, though, if going for a British section. Conversely, the state schools will just take her and muddle through.

One thing I really regret is not having started my son on the French before we left; it was so up in the air and undecided (Brexit), plus Covid, that we left it too late.

If you are going to move, go sooner rather than later. A 7 year old can learn a new language and make an international move much more easily than an 11 year old. And for a teenager it is v hard.