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Living overseas

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Moved to my homeland & not feeling home

29 replies

Babibel · 31/03/2025 08:06

Hi, I was an expat for 18 yrs: Germany, London, Stockholm. Now moved to France (my homeland) in a new city. It’s been one year and although people are kind, city is ok, I don’t feel good. I have felt very isolated and lonely with my child as husband would go back and forth between countries.Dealt with admin, new school, new work, all at once by myself, no family to help.
Now H wants to commit to my homeland and rent a house. I’m scared and sad, mourning the previous city (Stockholm) where my child was born and was a baby. It was a very cute environment. I had friends in the french community - not a single swede.
It was initially my wish to move to France and I made a massive push to make it happen.

Any comforting thoughts welcome. Or similar stories. x

OP posts:
Babibel · 01/04/2025 09:07

Should I stay in the small city in my homeland and give it another year? It will be harder for my child to move back to Stockholm after that.

Would love to hear your opinion.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/04/2025 10:01

Babibel · 01/04/2025 09:07

Should I stay in the small city in my homeland and give it another year? It will be harder for my child to move back to Stockholm after that.

Would love to hear your opinion.

I would give it another year.

Your child is in a brilliant school and it would be difficult to find the same educational opportunities elsewhere.

Can you find a decent babysitter so you can get into Paris more often in the evenings? And spring for an Uber rather than the RER to get home?

Cormoran · 01/04/2025 11:07

There is beauty where you are, you might not be ready to see it. The difficult trick is to stop comparing. You need friends. And also, don't be so focused on the Swedish connection. You have it at school, know a few people. Great. But there is more.

Spring is here, and Spring in France and Paris is gorgeous. Focus on what attracted you there.

Everyone constantly tells me how great my life is, with so many countries we have lived in. What they will never understand is the number of goodbyes we make every time we move, and for many friends, it is an adieu, I am never going to see them ever again. And in addition to the people, we get to love places, be it a café, a bookshop or even a square. We have memories connected to places. Events that brought us joy.

I think you are a bit in the grieving phase, missing what you had. It is normal.

You made the right choice in picking a Swedish section. It is astonishing the speed at which a kid forgets a language even after having lived in that country for years. And for the languages that belong to the household, unless you do homework, writing in both, one will always be stronger .

The life of an expat being bounced around isn't always as glamorous as it looks. Where is the forever home my kids and grandkids (don't have them yet!) will come back to, a house filled with memories, old toys, old books, summer holidays ?
You didn't feel like Sweden could be the forever-life for you, and I get it, at some point, we want to go back to our roots. For you, it is France. You just need to make yourself at home in a new city.

turkeyboots · 01/04/2025 11:40

It's very hard not quite fitting in anywhere after a life abroad. Especially going home, where once you've unpacked, no one is particularly interested in your life before anymore. I hang round with a gang of ex-expats and I'm so very bored with the stories from Dubai.
It takes a while to build a new life, and i bet many people will assume you have friends or family nearby, so don't need new friends. Go and join anything you have any interest in just to meet people. Any company is better than none, and you might meet some great people.

And you don't have to be there forever. A forever home scares me. I'm too used to moving every few years! I'm planning what we'll do after DC have moved out, and where we'll go next.

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