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Living overseas

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Original poster

The pain of leaving family

16 replies

Youtani · 05/01/2025 00:11

How bad is it?

DH thinks we need to move because the U.K. is in a bad place and a better life awaits us and our children elsewhere. I see all of that but the idea of leaving my family and my children losing the close connection they have built with them breaks my heart. I worry that I might not be able to adjust and that would mean even more upheaval for my children. I don’t know what to do. Did anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:
Fourecks · 05/01/2025 04:32

Where does he want to move? You can't just up sticks and move to another country. Does he have citizenship or residency somewhere else, or a realistic chance of achieving this?

If he does, then I would talk to him about how he sees this working in terms of keeping up family relationships. What would the budget be for returning for visits? Would all holiday leave be spent going back to the UK? What happens as family ages and needs more support?

Lifesd · 05/01/2025 05:04

It is very hard to move countries (saying this as someone who moved to australia last year). Where and when does he want to move? If you aren’t 100 per cent up for it it won’t work so I would say if you are this unhappy at the prospect now this isn’t going to work for you. I was truly committed to it and it’s still the hardest things I’ve ever done but at the same time totally worth it - we Are all much happier and I feel nothing but relief to be out the UK. Having said that I had no real close family to leave but it was still hard leaving and saying goodbye.

Baital · 05/01/2025 05:20

I lived overseas for a decade or so. Loved it. But it wasn't any 'better' than the UK, just different. Now back in the UK and happy here, especially because we have family relationships and DD can be part of an extended family.

What does your DH see as 'bad' about the UK? Where does he suggest going instead, and in what ways would that be 'better'? And what ways 'worse' (because nowhere is perfect)? Better and worse are very personal and subjective.

Relaxd · 05/01/2025 05:29

We live overseas and our experience and that of colleagues is that there are plenty of ways to stay in touch and keep up really close connections if your family play ball with this and have regular calls, send emails, FaceTime etc. You also make more of the quality time when you do meet up in person too. That said, it doesn’t mean your family will necessarily understand this or have any experience of how it can work well so it can take time for everyone to adjust. Obviously also depends where you move to as some locations are going to be more popular and practical for visitors - this can of course be a plus and offer the kids lots of new experiences too. It isn’t easy though to emigrate - many visas are quite restrictive and places like AUS have age limits too etc. I went with my job so everything was more straightforward. We expect to return to UK at some point.

giadaros · 05/01/2025 06:50

I miss my family immensely, I find it very hard being away from everyone and saying goodbye each time we visit is heartbreaking.
However, we do have a much better quality of life than we ever had in the UK. Not everyone will and I think much of it will depend on what part of the UK you are from and the standard of living you have/had there. For us there is no comparison. Our day to day life here is a lot better than when we lived in the UK.

pilates · 05/01/2025 06:54

Op, interested to know where this better place is? I think you need to all be on board for this to work.

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 05/01/2025 06:59

Difficult to say anything useful here as the premise is beyond stupid. Your husband thinks you need to move? Where? Why?

Afghanistan? Israel?

Moving countries with children is difficult and will solve no problems you have. I can assure you if this.

If you were living dodging missiles and couldn't feed your family, moving countries makes sense. But the UK? Tell him to get a fucking grip.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 05/01/2025 07:19

Where is this utopia?

Ohthatsabitshit · 05/01/2025 07:24

Surely you will still come back and see your home country occasionally?

Ceramiq · 05/01/2025 07:27

Whether or not life is going to be better if you move all depends on the destination and what awaits you there.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 05/01/2025 07:47

@Youtani same shit, different stars!

Original poster
Youtani · 05/01/2025 11:17

The UAE for tax free salaries and better quality of life. (Thank you in advance for all the comments about what a terrible place it is).

We are both higher earners in professional jobs. We live in a cramped house in London. He feels disgruntled that we are paying so much tax for services that we don’t use. I think the nail in the coffin for him was the VAT school fees. So many people that we know with similar circumstances have either left or are now in the last few months making plans to leave. See: www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2023/04/30/dubai-uk-professionals-high-tax-britain/

OP posts:
useitorlose · 05/01/2025 13:31

DH and I moved to the UAE in 2018 from London. We have both changed jobs since arriving, but I work in school leadership and he is in a global role in the energy industry. We have saved SO much that we have no debts at all (we also sold our London house when we came here) and have bought a property overseas with another off plan reserved as well. We have a very comfortable life as well as doing all the mundane things like pushing a trolley round the supermarket that you have to do in the UK. It's a great hub for overseas travel (we're just back from two weeks in Thailand) and very, very safe. The expat community is great and it's easy to get to know people. I find the locals keep to themselves, but when you do interact with them they are generally lovely.

We keep in touch with family daily (adult DD), several times a week for DPs with a fortnightly video call, there are messages, emails, photos etc going back and forth every day! My parents couldn't travel here last year as my mum had surgery, but I saw them on my two visits to the UK and they're coming out in March. I saw DD twice here and twice in the UK and she's coming in March too.

If you can get jobs here, go for it!

Nantescalling · 05/01/2025 21:26

UAE employment can give you the kind of salary that make even 3-monthly visits within reach. How old are your children if I may ask?

SophW89 · 09/01/2025 20:36

giadaros · 05/01/2025 06:50

I miss my family immensely, I find it very hard being away from everyone and saying goodbye each time we visit is heartbreaking.
However, we do have a much better quality of life than we ever had in the UK. Not everyone will and I think much of it will depend on what part of the UK you are from and the standard of living you have/had there. For us there is no comparison. Our day to day life here is a lot better than when we lived in the UK.

Do you mind me asking if the life you have there is truly worth being away from and missing family? That's what I can't get my head around everytime I think about just giving it a go x

Crushed23 · 09/01/2025 23:16

Move somewhere fantastic, that's my advice. That will really help with homesickness.

I emigrated to live in one of my favourite cities in the world (leaving behind my beloved London because my standard of living was getting worse and worse in the UK) and haven't felt homesick at all really.
My quality of life is so much better here and it has been relatively easy to make friends here because people are generally more positive and have a can-do attitude.

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