Death family

[Skittish123]

Parents have lived abroad for over 20 years. Thousands of miles away. They only visited once in that time. We however as a young family visited many times, even when we had to use a credit card for many trips as it was important for us to keep relationships going. Our visits stopped 12 years ago. It was financially hard and visits weren’t reciprocated by my parents. My mum recently passed away after us not seeing her for 12 years. It’s hard processing her death. Many feelings including guilt, anger (why were we not a priority) etc. She didn’t want a funeral, so there were no goodbyes. Any advice on how to move forward?

My condolences for the loss of your mother.

Sounds like a difficult situation.

Can you perhaps hold a ceremony of your own for your mum?
It can be in your own home, over a meal (did your mother have a favourite dish/meal?)
You can't change the past, but you can gather your family and remember your mum. You can share some childhood memories of her, and look at photos.

Or you can remember her by doing some activity that she would have liked. Did she like the beach? Visit a beach where you live (by yourself or with your partner/family). Think about your mum. Remember her, the good and the bad.

Or just sit down by yourself and light a candle for your mum.

I’m so sorry to read this. You might want to do a bereavement course, I used to help on one and details are on ataloss.org and
https://www.thebereavementjourney.org/