Advice needed on Family relocating to Dubai or not

[MichelleXXXSmile]

Hi!

I have been struggling to make a family decision and would really love to have some opinions from the others, thanks for spending time reading my post within your busy day :)

We live in London and are a family of four. I have a girl of 6 and a boy of 1. My husband has got a super job offer in Dubai, and we are in no doubt that he should relocate there, longer term or just for two years for now.

Issues is on my side and kids side. I’m lucky to have a good career in London that can comfortably support two kids going private and my 6 yo daughter loves her current school and I can see her improving a lot day by day.

The family moving to Dubai means I will become a housewife or materially drop the pay (difficult for me to find a job there in my sector there), and kids adapt to a different education system. For me I have my career ambition and it will be very sad to quit….On the other side, I can take a nice break to spend more time with kids, and may still test my boundaries and try some start up ideas (who knows)… For kids, I have heard pros and cons of the Dubai education but all advice welcome. My current understanding (maybe wrong) is that it will not be at a comparable level with the top schools here.

we have tested a few months by husband travelling back every few weeks, but it is difficult. I’m now seriously considering to relocate. Or we wait for two years for husband to relocate back, but this is a very big decision and want to think again and again…I always believe life is short and anything can happen. I’m concerned I will regret one day if we keep the family separate for long. what would you do if you were me?

Thanks :)

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This thread is a few months old now. If you've found this page in search of information about moving to Dubai, you might find our guide on moving to Dubai with kids useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

There is no way as a woman I would live in Dubai and under no circumstances would I take a daughter there.

I would never move to Dubai as a woman, and certainly ot bring my daughter there. I wouldn’t give up my career and friends to live in a creepy simulacra of a state where foreigners and specifically foreign women have no rights. Why would you do that? Dubai is built on the bones of foreign workers and the luxury ex pat life you would lead is supported by petrodollars, corruption, and forced labour.

This is a really hard one.

I live in Abu Dhabi due to my husband's job and I love life in the UAE. I have lots of time to spend with my children. I've made lots of friends, I'm setting up my own business, it's a much nicer place to raise children than the UK ...

But the career I gave up paid a fraction of my husband's (literally a sixth) with poor earning potential, and if you're aiming for academically selective top private schools in London, then the schools here aren't as good because they aren't selective. I did love my job but the benefit to my family of the move far outweighed giving it up. On the schools side, I am trying my best to compensate at home.

It's also a long-term move for my family here. If I had been sacrificing my career for the sake of two years, I wouldn't have done it.

I think you will have to pick ultimately what the most important thing is (family being all together/career/money) and build a life from there.

I can tell you though that if you arrive resentful, you will stay resentful because the new country is only viewed through that lens. I've seen it many times with 'trailing spouses'. So you have to embrace it!

Good luck making a decision, it sounds like there are huge positives on both sides. Just two different kinds of life for you ...

We are also in AD now, but moved here after 4 years in Dubai. If you don't mind saying what salary and benefits your DH has been offered, folks can advise on the kind of lifestyle that will finance and your savings potential. Key factors are that it's extremely safe, especially for women (I would go anywhere, any time, without fear of unwanted attention, violence or theft), you can save for your future, it's easy to travel overseas, there are lots of excellent schools with British-trained teachers and a rigorous school inspection regime. I had to give up a job I loved to move here and it took me a few years to match then exceed my London gross salary (but now I keep it all - no income tax or NI). We get housing allowance and school fees paid so the savings potential is significant.

Relocating is always a leap of faith, but there is lots of support available - there are British Expat and mum groups and you will find the same at your child's school.

Ignore the Dubai haters - they always surface on these threads, often haven't been here and know little about the reality. I suspect most of them think Dubai is a country, for a start.

If you don’t pay NI can you not move back to the UK at the end?

Thanks for the detailed colors and appreciate the insights!

We have also visited one school with DC (Brighton College Dubai) and it seemed ok-ish, but not very academic. any other schools you recommend us to visit?

DC is on track academically for some top London private schools per school teacher which makes me even more hesitant and worried to make a wrong move. How do you see the UAE schools’ education culture, ie are the children educated to be open, talkative, or more rule focused and shy? As I have studied overseas in quite a few different countries for years, and can see a clear culture difference for Asian Education Vs British Education vs American Education, would love to know how the UAE education culture is like. In the very very rare interactions I had with the kids in UAE in playgrounds, I find them very polite and kind, but a little bit quiet, are not as openly communicating themselves as kids in UK. I’m little worried if the schools “encourage” kids to be strict rule followers and observers, rather than openly sharing views. Pardon me if I’m making any false judgments based on the rare interactions

and I like your points to compare two years vs long term move which is very true. If I become more
precise, even if DH moves back after two years, he will need to be in Jersey, so again we will be in two different places, but much easier for commute and he can come back every weekend within two/three hours I guess.

Yes i would go for a couple of years. I wouldn't bring up a teenagegirl there

The british schools are good

I’ve lived in Dubai for 15 years and have 3 primary school age kids here. We are very happy here but I would really suggest doing a lot of sums beforehand. It is an incredibly expensive place to live, especially on one salary. Rent, bills, food shopping, school fees, extracurricular activities, cars, flights back to the UK… it all really adds up. In the first year you will feel like you are hemorrhaging cash.

I would suggest joining British Mums in Dubai on Facebook if you haven’t already - it’s a wealth of information.

Best of luck if you do make the move. Dubai is a remarkable place in so many ways and for my UAE born kids, they are proud to call it their home.

It’s not somewhere I could ever live, but I hated it when I visited. Too hot, soul-less & male dominated.

Thanks :) - how would you compare AD vs Dubai?

Financially we are comfortable, DH has a very decent package in Dubai that outweighs materially me losing job if I move there

the financial challenge for us is more
that I am insecure if I have to rely on his pay. I have huge appreciation for women who have taken step back in their career for family. I have been a more workaholic type and my job was paid quite equally with DH, until his move. the switch is making me nervous. I find difficult to think about any of those discussion like “why have you bought Xxx ”, or “why you haven’t done ABC as you have whole day home”. How would other “trailing spouse” handle that? Im worried that my move with kids is for the purpose of a happier family, that may end up resulting into some unnecessary conflicts :( but I may be thinking too much…

Many thanks! I will join the group right away

It is great to hear that you have lived there so long and love the country.

With the great experience, how would you think about the education culture question that I have raised on one reply, requoting here for ease:
“
How do you see the UAE schools’ education culture, ie are the children educated to be open, talkative, or more rule focused and shy? As I have studied overseas in quite a few different countries for years, and can see a clear culture difference for Asian Education Vs British Education vs American Education, would love to know how the UAE education culture is like. In the very very rare interactions I had with the kids in UAE in playgrounds, I find them very polite and kind, but a little bit quiet, are not as openly communicating themselves as kids in UK. I’m little worried if the schools “encourage” kids to be strict rule followers and observers, rather than openly sharing views. Pardon me if I’m making any false judgments based on the rare interactions“

@useitorlose what has changed in the country?

I would say it varies quite considerably. My kids go to a British curriculum primary school and I would guess that around 70% of kids in their classes have at least one British parent and all of the teachers are British qualified. So in that regards, I would say the attitudes/approaches are quite typical of what you would expect in the UK and that’s reflected in the kids. An IB school or a school with a more multicultural student base would be different.

With that said, I think the multiculturalism of Dubai means you see more ‘extremes’ here, good and bad. Whether that’s spoilt bratty kids, super strict parents etc. From friends who are teachers, I think there’s also more of a ‘well I’m paying for it, so I’m going to have an opinion on it’ - parents seem to be much more involved here than in the UK, and aren’t afraid to tell the school or teacher where they think they are going wrong.

Have you considered RGS? It’s only been open two years but has rave reviews and obviously the UK branch is excellent. My kids are settled where they are for primary so won’t move them now, but it’s probably top of my list for secondary.

The education culture varies wildly by school and curriculum (given you can pick American, French, British, etc).

My children are still primary age, but so far I'm happy with how they are taught (at a British curriculum school) and certainly it feels like they are encouraged to express themselves. The children are certainly open and talkative! I also doubt most people would say UAE kids are more rule-followers than British kids 😆

I'm sorry I don't know Dubai well at all for schools. The Facebook group will be much better at that than me!

Honestly, don’t give up your career and life in London!!!!!!!

Dubai is great for a short break, but it’s hellish living there.

Cons
The roads are truly awful and you see so many high speed accidents.

The worst people tend to live there

Everyone is desperate to show off their wealth, it’s tiresome

The place feels transient. Many people live out there for a year or two and leave. So it can be hard maintaining relationships or sometimes even bothering to make them. You’ll also find in the beginning you’ll be reliant on making friends with your husbands colleagues wives. Eugh!

The place just feels eerie and is culturally devoid.

Schools aren’t great. They don’t look great on the CV either. Keep your kids in their London schools. All the rich send their kids to UK boarding schools anyway.

So hot in the summer that you spend most of the summer elsewhere.

It’s very strange living in a place where there are so many domestic servants, it feels like you’ve travelled back in time.

Pros
I understand what people are saying about being a woman and living there but actually, I never felt safer. I wouldn’t in a million years walk 5 mins down the road at 11pm at night on my own to pick up loo roll in the UK. But I did there. Lots of families/Nannies are out at night using the parks

Food, it’s amazing and can eat in a different every night but it’s expensive

but that’s it

OP I live in Dubai. I'm happy here and have a good career. I'm also happy with my kids schooling and they've been through a fair gambit of schools.

In your situation I wouldn't move unless you can find a way to continue your career in Dubai, and even then I wouldn't do a long term move because of schooling. Your DD is only 6 though so you could move for a couple of years fairly easily. Can you give a hint of what it is you do? I'm surprised that you could do a job that would pay enough to cover London school fees easily without there being options in Dubai (unless it's some form of politics?).

Personally, I would go mad here if I didn't work but I think how you react to that depends on whether you want to be working (and it sounds like you do). Obviously if you don't like your job or actively want to be a stay at home mum, a move to Dubai in the sunshine with decent schooling, and a maid/nanny to do all the cleaning could be fantastic. Whilst I would hope it doesn't happen to you) I do need to say that everyone who has lived in Dubai a while has seen the scenario where a couple moves out here, wife gives up her job, couple splits up (often fairly quickly) and wife is left up shit creek. How much of a risk that is depends on how easy it would be for you to get back into your career though.

Schools in Dubai are good, but do not compare to top London private schools. The most academic English curriculum schools in Dubai are Dubai College (secondary only and very competitive for entry) and probably Nord Anglia. [Note my kids aren't at either of these, although we may consider both for sixth form]. For DC at least I have heard bad reviews from at least one family moving from top London private - they get world class results but it's not clear how much that is attributable to the school/teaching and how much to the entrance exam and very results focused parent base. Plus they work they kids very hard (which some parents want). It's a great school for the right child I think and whether it would work for you obviously it depends what you're looking for. Reports I get of Nord Anglia are generally good - it's not as selective but seems to attract some very academic kids and manages to stretch them. Search whichschooladvisor for latest GCSE and A-level results which should give you an idea of which schools are more academic, although note that as mentioned much of this is about the cohort of students/parents, not the school/teaching. You won't find a primarily school that will adequately prepare for entrance to London selective secondary.

For what it's worth, my kids are at a fairly run of the mill established Dubai school, and are relatively academic (probably would be thinking of top London private if I was there and able to afford the fees) - possibly in a top UK school they would get a grade or two higher for a subject or two (eg maybe from 7/8/9s at GCSE to 8/9s only), but I generally I'm happy they're being pushed appropriately. As mentioned we may move for sixth form, but that's more about wanting a more academic cohort of students at that stage than a concern about teaching quality.

Personally I wouldn't touch a UAE Brighton school with a bargepole for reasons I won't share publicly. Brighton in AD is probably one of the more academic schools in AD, but Brighton in Dubai isn't particularly well thought of (not badly thought of but I wouldn't expect you'd have trouble getting a place). It is most definitely not the same thing as Brighton UK.

How do you see the UAE schools’ education culture, ie are the children educated to be open, talkative, or more rule focused and shy? This isn't a concern - kids are educated to be open and talkative (obviously depends on school).

PS I don't think I've ever met one of my husband's colleague's wives!

Hi,

just wanted to touch base to see what you ended up deciding as in a similar position.. Currently london based with 2 children 4yr old and 7 month old baby, DH has an opportunity with work that could really set us up financially. We both work in finance and earn good salaries but with the prices in london need a fairly sizeable deposit, Dubai would be a way to do that quicker whilst the kids are still young and we don’t have to compromise education too much at this stage (hoping to come back for 7+/11+). We have lived there before so know we can do it and it’s fab with kids but just apprehensive re education!

Education is fine. It's not London private school level, but pretty much nowhere in the world is.

The one thing I'd be careful on, particularly if you've lived in Dubai before because costs have increased substantially, is that the salary is as high as you think it is and particularly that you're not underestimating rent costs - over the last three years these have doubled in a lot of areas. It depends on your comparator, but I'd expect a salary that would 'set you up financially' in the context of a London deposit to be well over AED 100k a month.

2yr is a bit too short to quit your job, which could also be the end of your career progression. I know too many trailing spouses resenting after a couple of years.

I have friends who grew up as expat in Dubai. The schools were not competitive, likely to be equivalent to an Ofsted "good" in London in terms of results. If you DCs are on tract for academic selective private, moving to Dubai may not be the best move. Dubai is fine if DCs are very young. You get affordable childcare.

This is nonsense. It’s far safer in the UAE as a female. You are treated with huge respect and it feels incredibly safe.