Visiting family in UK for holidays, kids want to move

randommum82 · 2023-12-29T08:21:19+00:00

Hi mums, so advice or just a listening ear sought. I'm from the UK and have a large, close family here. I moved to be with my husband to his country in southern Europe and am very happy there. I don't miss the UK at all, except for my family of course. I have 2 kids, one preteen and a 10 year old, who were born in the country we live in and raised there. We visit family in the UK regularly as it's about a 3 hour flight. The thing making me sad is that every single time we visit my family in the UK< it always ends with my kids in tears begging me to move to the UK. They think the UK is this amazing place with company from cousins on tap, because we only ever visit during holidays. I keep explaining to them that in day to day living, their experience would be very different, and family won't be as free all the time. It's actually got worse as they get older. Now they're saying they hate the country we live in, hate the language etc. They are happy and doing well in school, no issues with bullying, bullying in school is much less of an issue in that country compared to the UK. The healthcare system is better, you might not always be able to see a doctor for free but private appointments are cheap and very rarely over 50 euros. I guess I'm looking for similar experiences. How do you pacify your kids when they get like this? It's honestly making me feel like not coming for a while.

BadSkiingMum · 29/12/2023 08:27

I think this is probably temporary - they are at a peak age for wanting to play with cousins and everyone enjoying general childhood activities. In a few years’ time they’ll be growing up, interests and personalities will diverge and they may feel differently.

But perhaps keep an open mind about moving back to the UK, with higher education to consider?

Mintygoodness · 29/12/2023 08:29

Grass is always greener. Who wouldn't want to move somewhere where everyone is thrilled to see you and your cousins as always available? But holidays are nothing like Real Life as any ful no.

fedupwithbeinghot · 29/12/2023 08:32

They are children. They know nothing about the reality of living in UK. I'm not saying it's not good here- I do like it, but they think life here is like a holiday, which is not!

Fooksticks · 29/12/2023 08:33

My dc are like this with Ireland. We live in Australia now, but they were both born in the UK and we lived there until they were 3 and 8. Dh is Irish, and when we visit his family, we always have a great time. The aunties take holidays, we socialise a lot, little cousin's ect. It really is fun.

When we come home from holidays back to Australia, we're back to school and work and see family here every couple of months.

I'm resigned to dc1 moving over once they've finished Uni. But I'm hopeful one or two winters there will send them home (to Aus) 🤞

RandomMess · 29/12/2023 08:33

Could you send them one for an extended stay in their school holidays where it will not be full on family time but at least a week of being bored at their grandparents?

May cure them!

Silverbirchtwo · 29/12/2023 08:37

Don't they have friends where you live? I had the opposite problem was considering moving closer to family, but the kids really didn't want to move away from their friends, didn't want to live in a different house or go to a different school.

Can you emphasis the things they would be leaving behind if you moved. I don't know what they like but maybe things like best friends, weather, outdoor activities, relaxed lifestyle.

Original poster

randommum82 · 29/12/2023 08:43

Thanks all, they have lots of friends where we live, the weather is great, it's much more child friendly compared to the UK, you'd think I was walking around with a celebrity whenever I'm out with the kids the way older people come fussing over them. Life is happy, our household is a happy one, but you're right that it's the age of wanting to play and the charm of all these cousins suddenly all together.

I have foreign mum friends who don't like living where we are (Greece) and are sort of biding their time waiting for their kids to grow up so they too can leave. I'm not in that crew. I've learnt the language and am fully embedded in life there, have my own close friends etc. So it's not like they see me sad in our home country compared to the UK.

I've told them they can come study here for uni when they're older. I would be resistant to moving back here though, I didn't like living in the UK anyway and was looking to immigrate when I happened to meet my husband. Life in the UK doesn't suit me, and after 20 years away it feels like a foreign country. Sending them unaccompanied for a while is sadly not an option as my older son is a wheelchair user and needs lifting, which my parents can't do. Just good to hear other experiences.

OP posts:

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 29/12/2023 08:46

Sadly in the coming years their relationships with cousins my change as teens grown up..

Original poster

randommum82 · 29/12/2023 08:50

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 29/12/2023 08:46

Sadly in the coming years their relationships with cousins my change as teens grown up..

This is true. I grew up very very close to my first cousins, and we don't talk as adults. I also am hoping I'll win the long game and all the cousins will reach their teen years and get on flights to spend all summer in Greece with my kids, who wouldn't want an entire summer in Greece to brag about back at school??!!

OP posts:

LakeTiticaca · 29/12/2023 09:03

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 29/12/2023 08:46

Sadly in the coming years their relationships with cousins my change as teens grown up..

This is true . I was very close with my cousins growing up. Very close in age and lived local. As the teenage tears came we drifted apart and barely spoke for years. We communicate occasionally through Facebook now, that's all x

AvengedQuince · 29/12/2023 09:10

I was born in the UK and moved overseas as a child. I never coped with the isolation of having no family around and moved back as an adult. I'd choose to be with family over most other things.

Whatevs23 · 10/01/2024 17:34

I think this is very normal. My kids were the same whenever we went back to the UK to see grandparents and cousins. It sounds like they have a great life where you live. All you can do is to keep emphasizing that holidays aren't the same as real life, but aren't you lucky to be able to go back regularly and have these great fun experiences with family?

bobomomo · 10/01/2024 17:44

Could it be that the U.K. seems more exciting, more modern etc especially in cities? I love Greece but visiting it seems like a sleepy backwater rather than exciting (in other words fine for a laid back holiday but couldn't imagine living there)

FictionalCharacter · 10/01/2024 17:46

Maybe they don’t like living in Greece as much as you think they do and as much as you do.
This might be a temporary thing from them, or it may be that they would genuinely prefer to be in their country of origin.

Whatevs23 · 10/01/2024 18:09

FictionalCharacter · 10/01/2024 17:46

Maybe they don’t like living in Greece as much as you think they do and as much as you do.
This might be a temporary thing from them, or it may be that they would genuinely prefer to be in their country of origin.

Their country of origin? The OP says that they were born and raised in the country where they now live, so surely that's their country of origin. It would be different if they'd actually lived and remember living in the UK.

FictionalCharacter · 10/01/2024 20:45

Whatevs23 · 10/01/2024 18:09

Their country of origin? The OP says that they were born and raised in the country where they now live, so surely that's their country of origin. It would be different if they'd actually lived and remember living in the UK.

Show quote history

Apologies @randommum82 , I misread and thought they were born in the uk before you left.

Souvenir81 · 12/01/2024 08:51

Does the complaining continue all year or it is just after the holidays? That will tell you whether it is post holiday blues or whether they really prefer the UK to live in. If they settle back in after a few weeks you have your answer. How many times a year you visit?

CatherinedeBourgh · 12/01/2024 08:56

I know someone who was the opposite - lived in UK and spent holidays in Southern Europe, and when she got back to the UK pretended not to be able to speak English and asked to go back.

The fact is that visiting family is always lovely, and going back to the routine is a drag. I think you can be sympathetic to how they are feeling, while sharing with them the things you didn't like about living in the UK.

Souvenir81 · 12/01/2024 09:03

randommum82 · 29/12/2023 08:43

Thanks all, they have lots of friends where we live, the weather is great, it's much more child friendly compared to the UK, you'd think I was walking around with a celebrity whenever I'm out with the kids the way older people come fussing over them. Life is happy, our household is a happy one, but you're right that it's the age of wanting to play and the charm of all these cousins suddenly all together.

I have foreign mum friends who don't like living where we are (Greece) and are sort of biding their time waiting for their kids to grow up so they too can leave. I'm not in that crew. I've learnt the language and am fully embedded in life there, have my own close friends etc. So it's not like they see me sad in our home country compared to the UK.

I've told them they can come study here for uni when they're older. I would be resistant to moving back here though, I didn't like living in the UK anyway and was looking to immigrate when I happened to meet my husband. Life in the UK doesn't suit me, and after 20 years away it feels like a foreign country. Sending them unaccompanied for a while is sadly not an option as my older son is a wheelchair user and needs lifting, which my parents can't do. Just good to hear other experiences.

it seems you are happy and settled in Greece, stay put and as you said if they like it so much they can do university in the UK.

It is harder for kids with foreign parents; you loose your identity a bit I think; you gain a lot too but sometimes you don’t know where you really belong

BeringBlue · 12/01/2024 18:10

I'm not sure university in the UK is a simple option - I think they have to go as international students with the fees that entails (we live in France and have ruled it out as an option because we've lived outside the UK for more than three years).