Cancelled relocation to Perth now regretting it

[superstrongmom]

Hi
I’m looking for advice.. we are a family of 5, kids 8,6,3. We are Australian citizens as we lived in Perth from 2011-2018, and we loved the life there.
we moved home shortly after my second child was born as I struggled breastfeeding and looking after a toddler with no support, we came home and I didn’t have support here either but I managed. I have no strong family links here. My husband family help with kids sometimes but unfortunately we never formed strong relationships over the years. We moved home to Ireland 5 years now and built a lovely big home, with a good bit of the mortgage paid. We live in rural Ireland here on my husband’s farm. I’ve always longed for Perth and thought it would be great for the kids to grow up there. So we both got jobs back in Perth and we were set to move but I panicked last minute with fear . We couldn’t get a rental and therefore we couldn’t get into a good public primary school in Perth . So now I’m regretting my decision, but when I was packing to go last week I was in fear of going. I couldn’t make my mind up. I was afraid of going and having a mortgage of $1 mill and the cost of private secondary school x3. In Ireland I can pay my mortgage off in 3 years time and my kids have excellent free education, we are just not having the outdoor lifestyle of Perth in Ireland. Overall if we lived in Perth we’d have a mortgage of $900k (with repayment that would be $1.8g) plus school fees of $160 k. Is this a crazy decision to move there considering the costs , is the price tag to high for sun sand and sea and beautiful outdoor life.
I only want to live in certain suburbs as I know the city well , so the possibility of moving very north or south for lower house prices is not an option. Any advice would be appreciated. Am I about to regret by his for the rest of my life , or is the grass green where you water it?? I just hate that my children stay indoor here for much of the year, even though we are active and attend many groups after school. My heart is in two places, if Perth wasn’t so competitive with school zones this wouldn’t be an issue.
any advice will be welcomed.
😊

@ginasevern thank you for your message. Yes I do agree I’m quite confused ..
that’s a valid point, why did I move home for support when I knew I didn’t have it. well I was promised help and obviously they were broken promises . You’ll find that actually happens to families returning to their home country. Family members want you back and they don’t have time to help or maybe they don’t want to help unfortunately. That’s what happened to me.

In Perth you can either buy a home in a good suburb (which is costly ) to get a good public school or you can pay to go to private schools or you can risk the local high school which means your children might not be mixing in circles that are favourable to them succeeding in their education. Of course I am sure there are many children that still do extremely well in this environment and perhaps as well as privately educated children. To be honest I’m not familiar with the second level education there , I’m only going on what friends living there have told me. I do believe a child will be more grounded mixing from children of different socioeconomic backgrounds but from what I hear it’s very competitive in Perth.
I’m not familiar with the education there at all , so please don’t take what I’ve said the wrong way.
Maybe education outcome depends on the child and the loving family support he or she receives.

Thank you for taking the time to post and you have made valid points 😊

Very valid points.
I laughed about the holdens and rockingham. Very true. I know Rockingham life wouldn’t appeal to me .
Thank you for your message , it’s helped a lot 😊

@superstrongmom I was thinking you meant Perth in scotland!!

Thank you for your message. Apologies for the confusion. $160 k would be the total cost of private schools for primary and secondary x3. It’s the cheapest I was able to find. Of course over the course of 10 years I’m sure this will increase every academic year.

My thought on having to go to private school is because if I chose public Id have to fork out a mortgage of more than 1.3 mill to get into a good public catchment

thanks for your message 😊

Stay in Ireland. The weather may not be as attractive but you'll be debt free within a few years which is wonderful, you'll have so much more time to spend with your children than if you were trying to manage the costs incurred in moving. You can have an outdoor life in Ireland despite the weather, I'm in my 50's and was away wild camping and hiking last week (frosty and amazing), I've friends who joined walking groups and built up friendships with other outdoorsy families and are always doing something. It's unfortunate the support you wanted and expected didn't happen, I decided when my dc was a preschooler to return to Ireland instead of raising them in California, I was a single parent in a serious relationship there and it was tempting to stay but family support in Ireland brought me home (I'm lucky it was there in abundance, almost too much at times)but remember you won't have that support in Australia either and you'll have less time to spend with your children due to the costs.

Unfortunately not @Maxiedog123 its Dianella. The prices of houses there have gone up massively since last year. The local public high does not seem good, a friend sent me a recent article and Dianella senior high ranks in the top 10 schools in WAustralia for violence etc. so I don’t think that school would be an option. If only I could afford rent or buy a mortgage in Shenton park… that’s where I use to live before I left in 2018. If I could afford a home in Shenton park, Booragoon, Mount lawley I’d be back in the morning.I can only dream about living in these areas .. house prices are 1.3 mill and beyond

@ShippingNews im not familiar with the education system there. I only know a little through friends I have in Perth. Most of them send their children to private. The suburb that I was looking at renting /buying in has a good primary school but the secondary school is in the top 10 for violence (recent article published) , so from that I would be concerned sending my children to that high school and that’s why I thought I’d need a private education. To get into a good public school in a good suburb proper prices are huge starting at 1.3 mill..
thank you for your reply

OP, I hope you will find the right place to live for you and your family!

Maybe you have already thought about it, but perhaps try and ask for advice on the Mumsnet boards that are specific for those regions, too. Lots of knowledge there!

Australia and New Zealand
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/aussie-nz-mumsnetters

and

Ireland
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/craicnet

I think Scott’s would be a little too cold🙈🙈

@SkaneTos thank you so much for your advice. I’ll do that 😊

Hi! Just wondered where you landed on this one? I totally get your confusion. We moved over to Perth from the UK with our 4 small kids nearly 2 years ago and although I can see the lifestyle is great, I am still questioning if we’ve done the right thing as I feel very homesick a lot of the time. The two places offer equally great but very different things. I think this is why a lot of people ping pong between the two.

I remember living in Sydney and we couldn’t leave the house because it was too hot. Summers were spent inside with AC, it was miserable. I spend more time outside in the UK than I ever did in Oz.

Hi
Funny you should message me , my husband has just accepted the job and wants to go next month. I never got any clarity all this time . We have a good life here but weather permitting. I don’t know why I’m still dragging my feet .. we don’t have family ties and my job isn’t great here. However the cost there is off putting, plus education.

Do you think you miss family ties most ? Or what is making you question living in Australia? I’m sorry you feel like that. I hope you don’t ping, this is also what I’m afraid of.. how old are your children?

I would be cautious about the future my kids would have in Oz. Short term, the outdoor life style sounds great. But the cost of living issues that you talk of for yourself will be a problem for your kids when they try to make homes for themselves. They might not be able to get such good jobs as yours.
They presumably have EU passports so have the whole of Europe to potentially live in when they are older. What happens if one goes back to Europe and the other stays in Oz?

You've been here, and you're not settled. You've tried it.

I'd go back to Aus. It sounds like it's just fear that is holding you back now, and there's always going to be fear. Fear of going, fear of staying. Nobody knows what is around the corner, but you do know that you've been debating this for a long time, and you have the opportunity to go. You're not clinging onto anything in specific.

Sometimes you have to do something scary. Settling is also a decision - and you've sort-of tried that, and it hasn't worked.

I think you'll likely ping pong OP. Curse of the ex pat. Never truly settled no matter where you are. I can empathize.

Hi , thank you for your message. Yes I believe this would be fear of mine.. and it is costly move . I most definitely don’t want to be a pin pong..so many it happens to and it’s of no fault to them, difficult when you have two passports and one foot in each country and both countries have their pros and cons. 🙈

Where did you decision take you? Hope you are happy regardless x

Curious to know if you've settled? Hope you don't mind me asking xx

@superstrongmom did you end up going? I hope you’re happy! I love Perth!

SophW89 Hi, it’s 6 months on and feeling a lot better. Part of the issue was that we don’t have any of the grandparents here. My husband recognised that what I needed was a trip back home so organised for me and my daughter to go back for 3 weeks last month. It was the best thing and made me feel much better. Of course it’s sad saying goodbye and leaving again but I feel so refreshed and reconnected. Ready for the summer in Perth now!

Ah so did you make the move? Glad you're settled!
X

Hi, this post is so relevant to me. Our family just relocated from nyc to Australia, we were thinking Sydney but prices of houses are insane. My whole family is in Perth so we decided to come try it out. It’s been less than a week but I’m having major second thoughts on everything. I grew up here but it feels so so strange to be back. I saw someone say curse of the expat and I truly get that feeling.
we are having our child here in a few months, but my husband feels so unsettled and either wants to settle here or go. Timing is just so hard because of the baby on the way, plus our 3 year old. We have shipped all our stuff here to Perth, and sold everything Inc houses in USA.
now I’m wondering if this was the right choice, I feel so unsettled here and maybe all I needed was a really extended holiday here or something.
Do you think you’ll stay in Perth? We may try Melbourne, and if that not it then maybe Europe. I feel so bad making my husband come along on this all as he never wanted to leave nyc.

@superstrongmom did you end up staying in Ireland?
we just relocated from USA to Aus with our small child and one on the way, I grew up in Perth and we are currently here and I’m having major second thoughts. Missing my life I had in NY even though I found so many aspect so difficult and lonely and craved my family.
We have only been back in Perth a week and I’m just not feeling its right at all, I worry I’ve made a mistake in all of this and forced us to uproot our whole lives. My husband didn’t want to move to Australia, and definitely not to Perth and now we are here and I’m not feeling it I feel soooo much guilt.
I hope you’re feeling settled in your decision. I know these things takes time but I don’t want to purchase a house and car if this isn’t the right place for us despite having family near by.