- You know the meaning of the word 'girt'.
-
You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
-
You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.
-
You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount
vouchers
stuffed in your wallet or purse.
-
You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for
something illegal such as watering the garden.
-
You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil
case
when he first attends school.
-
When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how
often and with whom.
-
You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black
thongs'
refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
-
You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.
-
You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'.
-
You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional.
-
You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way
to
Maccas.'
-
You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its
highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
-
You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really,
truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.
-
You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a
place..
-
You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
-
You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's
twice as big as its $2 coin.
-
You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but
'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.
-
You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast
spread.
-
You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they
stuff
up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
-
Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.
-
You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any
rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again..
-
You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known
as
the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
-
You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is
not
spelt with a 'u'.
-
You wear ugh boots outside the house.
-
You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery
in
the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for
a
pittance.
-
You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you
like
them.
-
Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order
takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
-
You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is
always polite.
-
You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion, via your
nose.
-
You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'.
-
You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to
handle.
-
Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules
for
beach cricket.
-
You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what
they
call 'Anzac cookies'.
-
You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
-
When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally
strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in
fruit.
-
You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black
tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
-
You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
-
When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the
need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
-
You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national
anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.
-
You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential
in
the government's new test for migrants.
-
You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says
'cobber'.
-
And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians,
here
and overseas, realising that only they will understand.