Moving back to the UK

[hummingbirdsinmygarden]

We are due to be moving back to the UK from the US later this year. Has anyone done this relatively recently and could recommend a shipping company they used? I'm searching hard but all I can come up with where we live, on the west coast, is Seven Seas (where you do all the packing yourself) and one that wanted to charge $13,000 for a 20ft container!! Or maybe this is the norm now - it cost just over half that amount when we moved here 4 years ago. We get a certain amount towards shipping costs from DH's company but it won't cover the whole lot. So trying to find an affordable option, or even just a company that ships from the US west coast to the UK . Thanks! Any ideas appreciated.

Plus, anyone who has navigated moving back to the UK from the US - how has it been for you? We are so incredibly torn about it as we have a good lifestyle here and live in a lovely location but are moving for many practical reasons, including DCs schooling (about to start secondary) and aging parents and I know we are going to miss it very much but I also know we don't want to live here forever.

I can't give advice on the USA specifically but I can give some advice on moving back in general. It's harder than it looks! You have changed from the experience, and it won't feel as easy as just going 'home'. That said, it is lovely to be near family and old friends again. We miss our old lifestyle, and I would say it's taken the best part of 2 years to feel settled. Not to say you won't be happy as I'm sure you will, but give yourself time. Your children will probably adapt much more quickly than you do!

I can’t speak specifically to the US but we moved back 6 months ago from Africa. The shipping costs were more than double 5 years later so I do think that’s pretty universal. We were ready for lots a reasons but it has been a big adjustment. The weather has been the hardest to adjust to. The longer days are helping. The kids have slotted in really well but I think international schools helps them to make friends more easily.

Yup we moved back from the West Coast last summer, had an ongoing thread in this section I can dig out for you as there were a few of us going through the process

firstly, yeah those are the prices. We decided to go for a 200cf crate via seven seas instead, we had to pay for everything and friends who moved the year before us it took 6 months for their stuff to arrive so we’d need to get furniture etc anyway. In the end it was 5months to the day from our stuff being picked up to being dropped off and I couldn’t fault seven seas, they were great. It cost us around $3K for the crate

so much depends on where you’re coming from and going to, kids, pets etc etc

we were in California for 10years, moved when DC were very tiny and came back with them aged 10&13, plus a cat.

I didn’t want our kids to grow up completely American and remove my ability to ever move home. It’s actually so far been more than fine, the little one has struggled the most but that’s down to her personality and being so attached to her friends - she doesn’t miss America per se but she misses her friends massively, my eldest however has thrown himself into more than he even did at home.

our quality of life is great, different, it’s the first time I’ve not lived in a city since I was 12 but we bought a dog and have embraced country life but London is in striking distance and I go up for work, but goddamn I’d forgotten how amazing spring is in the U.K.!!

right now I have no compunction or desire to move back at all….

this FB group is so helpful Expats Returning To Live InThe UK
That sounds about the right cost post covid.
How exciting to be on the way home.

Don't underestimate reverse culture shock, especially if you've been away a while. And if you have been away a while, be prepared for Britain to be a bit of a shock in many ways, it has gone downhill spectacularly in the last decade and a bit and the cost of living in relation to salaries is now pretty eye watering. Even if you've visited, it's very different coming back to live. Although it does all depend on where you're moving from and to. Best of luck though - I hope it goes well for you.

Hi @hummingbirdsinmygarden - can I ask - have you made the move? We have been on US East coast for 13 years, oldest is 12. We have a great life in many ways but I find myself increasingly minded to move home. Our eldest is 12, parents are aging and feel time is running out for kids to be 'British'. But realize the UK has changed so much since we lived there and just don't know how we would fit back in. Would love to know if you made the move and hope it went well. @Citygirlrurallife any further feedback now you've been back a while? Thanks so much, finding this decision so hard.

@JJMCLU to be honest not much more to add than from my above thread. Similar to you I wanted my kids to have something of a British upbringing. My youngest is a lot less homesick now than she was for the first 10months and we’ve settled into life here, bought a house and doing it up. We’re going back to visit next spring though I don’t really need or want to!

Seconding that Facebook is really good for this sort of thing. Look for Americans in the UK/Americans in London type groups. They'll have mountains of posts about stuff like this.

How did you find moving back? I’ve been in San Diego for 15 years and wanted to move back for a long time. I’m now married to a Californian with two children and a toy poodle in tow. My kids are 10 and 8 and I feel it’s too late. How did you get them into a good school? Did they pass the entrance exams? Are you glad you did it? Thank you for any advice. Ideally telling me it’s better in the US would be great!! Ha ha

I’m in the same boat.

We came back from Australia to the U.K. for a trial period a year ago for similar reasons (family and school) and were pleased we did as it basically showed us that Australia is our home now for the next period of life! We’ve committed to staying there for the kids high school and uni - Britain isn’t what it was when we left and yet in some ways is very similar and coming back has reminded us exactly why we left in the first place.
We’ve loved bits of it - closeness to Europe, the countryside, the old buildings and history but my kids both pointed out that these are the bits we do when we come on holiday anyway and our day to day life is just objectively better and easier in Sydney.

I moved back to the UK about 10 years ago, having lived abroad for about 10 years. I second what everyone upthread says about reverse culture shock. I hadn't expected it, and found that things I'd not noticed about the UK when I lived here before were obvious (both good and bad) when I moved back because I'd had experience of something else.

So yes, the absolutely beautiful seasons. The relatively polite behaviour on the roads, the cheap supermarket clothes, the amazingly variety of international food and restaurants. But also the 'me first' and 'I'm allright Jack' attitude - brought so starkly into relief by Brexit - I just hadn't noticed it before, or rather, I'd had nothing to compare it with so perhaps it becomes normalised when you don't know anything other. I remember leaving a shop in tears one day because the shop assistant snapped at my child not to touch something (it was a skirt hanging in a charity shop). Where I'd been living, people would never have done that - we are not so tolerant of, or interested in, children in this country - but again, I hadn't realised until I lived elsewhere.

It took about two years to settle again.

Sorry for being so absent on this thread! Thanks for all your replies. It's been a crazy few months, but we're back in the UK.

And yes, reverse culture shock is hitting hard right now. I find myself getting very frustrated over some things, particularly around school communication, how we Brits seem to make things more complicated than they need to be, driving! and other things I probably wouldn't have noticed before.

I am missing the west coast very much - we had a lovely life there in many ways, and I miss being able to go skiing / to the mountains for a day, or to the beach for a day, or into a vibrant city.. it was a wonderful place and I do wonder - what have we done! But, for various reasons, we didn't really have a lot of choice in moving back, and we've come back to a lot of family issues and ill health, so it was timely in that sense.

Honestly, if the kids were younger though, I would probably be on a plane back out there sometime next year. My ideal scenario would be to buy a cabin on the west coast and spend our summers there!!

The kids have found the transition much easier than expected. They've made friends quickly and are involved in plenty of activities. I am worried about my DS though as, after a good initial start at secondary, he seems to be becoming very disillusioned with school.. and his teachers (they both had some wonderful teachers in elementary). But not sure if this is just his age and he would have felt the same at middle school.

But having family and close friends nearby is great. I'm enjoying that. Just wish I didn't have to schlepp to Europe for some decent snow!

@Charlingspont yes to lack of tolerance for children here! My DD had an unpleasant encounter with a parent at the end of her first week of school which left her very shaken.. parent shouted at her in the park because she wasn't friendly enough to her DC or something. This would NEVER have happened where we lived. Adults were lovely to other people's children.

@Perhapsoneday I managed to apply for my DSs school place while in the US, thanks to our local education authority. So we got him into our preferred catchment school. My DD had to wait about a week into the start of term before she was given a place at our local school. I think there are more opportunities in the US than the UK, and a better quality of life, but I don't miss the politics and I did find it quite hard to make close friendships, and we lived in a very affluent community, which could feel like a weird, out of touch, bubble at times.

I’m so glad you found the school admissions straight forward… are the public or private schools? The west coast is lovely for sure, we are back in San Diego and it’s a great standard of life. But far far from home. Thank you for following up.

@hummingbirdsinmygarden I'm glad it is sort of working out.

To others in here, I now have two friends who moved back to the U.K. with their families after several years abroad. One from Australia and other NZ. Both are discussing this Xmas about moving back as the changes in the U.K. have been a shock to them (not sure why as their friendship group did say)

I haven't lived in the UK since I finished university I am now 50, I always returned for holidays but that was it. Always in Aberdeenshire. My husband is American and we travelled a lot with his work. We had the opportunity to move to England with his work for a few years which was great as I was feeling rather homesick and I wanted my son (13) to live in the UK for a little bit too.
Although I am happy to be back, it's one of the worst moves we have ever had. It was very hard to find a house to rent and getting a place in school for my son was a nightmare. He missed a couple of months of school due to it taking us a while to find somewhere to live and the school/council being ridiculously slow to process his in year application. I had to phone non stop for a month. I am quite shocked at the level of deterioration in general, and the school despite having a good rating from Ofsted is not inspiring me with any confidence. I have to chase them for everything, I still don't know what interventions and supports he will get for his dyslexia. It's been several months now and I am the one that has to ask about everything. I have received zero communications with regards to this without me initiating it. We had zero problems in the US with this and I had constant communication. I felt that they wanted him to succeed and were really pushing for this. If your child has an IEP I think it might be quite hard. Although my son seems relatively happy I am not sure that he is learning much and if he stays here the school is definitely not pushy enough with regards to academic success.
For us this is only a temporary move, and I am very happy to be back for a while, if it were just me it would be fine. But as far as my son is concerned I am highly dissatisfied with school. Perhaps I should have put him a private school but I thought a state run school would be fine, I was clearly wrong. We ended up in Suffolk after failing to find a rental property in Cambridge, also all the schools were full... Due to my husband's work we moved in late August, not ideal... The other thing is that there is definitely a drop in the standard of living, we moved from northern Virginia which is a reasonably affluent area. Happy to be back but it's a mixed bag!

Oh I’m moving back with one going to secondary in a couple of months (but from Asia). Am really apprehensive so good to read these experiences, good and bad, to help me prepare.

@DalMah @Asiatoyork

Yes your experience of the school Dalmah is very realistic. If your child is at the bottom or top level they are fine. In the middle they can very much coast (I know as two experiencing both). They go to outstanding school and the communication is frankly awful.

We have been back a few years from abroad having had all the nostalgia and some homesickness and have made the decision to leave the U.K. for good. We are working it through. Thought we had it all planned and then a superb job offer in a different country we haven’t lived in before chucked some confusion into the decision but we are joining the highly educated flight from the U.K. which isn’t really talked about!!