To have another child as an expat?

[Ilovewatermelons123]

My husband and I are living in Asia with our two children (who are two and four). We love our lives here, We are both teachers, are able to save around £2000 a month between us. Our children get free school places at an international school (we get two places for free) and medical insurance etc. We go away most school holidays to get out of the city. We have a nanny so we can go on date nights (which we would never be able to do in the UK due to lack of childcare).
I am starting to get broody and would love another child. However, I don't know if it is the right decision. We love our lives out here, but I have always wanted three children. I don't want to wait too long to have a third as I want them to all be similar ages. However, I don't know if our school would give us three places (but this would not be for another 3 years anyway!). Holidays might be more difficult as there will be three of us. I would only get 4 months maternity!!
Has anyone got any experience of living abroad with three children/having a baby abroad? Or any advice? Thank you!

Well I was born abroad to expat parents but beyond that I can't really help

What strikes me though is that the questions you are asking don't have much to do with expat life and are more about life with three kids. If you've always wanted three, what thoughts have you had in the past about how you'd manage?

Oh nice!! Do you have any siblings? Were you an expat in a country in Asia?
I have just always wanted three and that has always been part of the 'plan'. I think seeing my children play together more and more has reinforced the desire to have another. I have 9 siblings so have always been in a hectic household!! I personally don't know anyone who is an expat and has more than 2 children.

I had both my kids abroad (USA) and only got 3 months maternity. We struggled due to no family around, working full time and done health needs and came back to the UK when the kids were 2 & 3.

I lived in China with three children, although I already had them when we moved there. It is a million times easier there, where good help is affordable and plentiful, than here. You are right that travel is more difficult but you are some way off them needing their own rooms or even their own seats on planes.

It depends whether you would ever want to come back to the UK, and whether 3 children is manageable/affordable here if you do. I know a lot of expat families who want to come back but are constrained because the lifestyle they can afford in the UK with multiple children is too much of a downgrade for them to tolerate.

You don't know if it is the right decision.... There is your answer.

If the 4months of maternity joined onto the summer holiday, you would get significantly longer off.
I'd be surprised if they would do another set of fees. Our (non education) expat package was capped at 3 kids, and they were ruthless about it. What would finances look like if you paid the fees yourself? Or came back to the UK for start of reception for the youngest?
PS we knew lots of expats with more than 2 kids. 4 wasn't uncommon, and I know a few with 5.

If we stayed abroad for 10 years and saved, we could potentially come back mortgage free. We are currently renting out our 4 bed house so wouldn't have to get a bigger one when we eventually move back. But you are right, I can imagine the cost of living in England will have a big effect on how much we can do.

I would disagree with this comment. When I got pregnant with my second child I did question it it was the right decision to have them so close. I now absolutely love it and know it was the right decision

That is very true about maternity leave! It would add on 7 weeks which would be amazing!!
That is true, I am not sure when we would move back, but definitely think we would if the school wouldn't give us extra allowance.
That is lovely to hear that many families have more than two!!

Do you both teach at the same school? Would you each get 2 school places if only one of you were teaching there? Can you discuss this with them? They are saving money at the moment by having two teachers from the same family compared to having two separate families, each with two children... (though I am quite sure their budget does not assume every teacher will have two school aged children.)

Can you afford the fees at school if it's only one child.. would obviously put a significant dent in your earning (if the school fees where we are anything to go by..), how do school fees compare to the cost of childcare for the preschool years?

You are saving £2,000 per month now, while you are presumably covering the costs of one lot of preschool childcare and when that child goes to school, you will still have preschool childcare costs... maybe the impact of school fees won't be a large as you think?

Longer term, are you covering your mortgage costs in the UK, thus paying off your mortgage, so in 10 years time, you will have considerably less to pay off and you will have at least £2,000x12x? 4 or 5 so say £100,000... what would that leave your mortgage at?

Is being mortgage free when you return a reasonable goal? What would things look like if you did have to have a mortgage when you returned, presumably you were paying this before you left?

Yes, a family of 5 costs more than a family of 4, equally there are people with much higher salaries and people with much lower salaries - you have some lovely choices.. when you make yours, remind yourself why you made them, what the positives and the negatives were and focus on the positives!

i wouldn’t have a third if I couldn’t afford one set of school fees and would therefore have to come back when youngest reaches school age. I wouldn’t want to know that we would time out, even if still enjoying living there. My dc were born in HK and I know tonnes of families with 3 / 4 kids BUT tbh school fees are not a stretch for most of them as typically working in banking/ partners in law firms so not comparable.

I had a third as an expat. Never regretted it.

I had my third while teaching in Asia (still here). My school has just offered me a third school place so she can start in August. But that was not a given, and whenever I look at roles elsewhere I am always worried that I won't be able to move due to the lack of third school place. It does massively inhibit my next move. I'm also a single parent so no chance of getting a third place based on being a teacher couple.

I don't save but I have a good life here. I always think if you have another (planned or not) then you adjust accordingly. Will it impact you financially? Yes. Will you make it work? Yes.

I don't think being an expat has much impact on your question except that you may have to pay school fees for an additional child, as it's unlikely that free local school is an option (depending where you are; it definitely isn't in Thailand). Unfortunately you also won't really know if the free place is an option til after you have a baby, which is very frustrating!

The short maternity leave is frustrating but it's the reality in much of the world. Having a nanny makes a huge difference, though. I couldn't imagine going back to work after a few months without my nanny, as I trust her completely and my baby was still being loved and cared for at home as she would have been if I'd had longer off.

Thank you for your reply!! Yes, a short maternity leave will be very sad... but I would definitely try and plan so he/she was born may/April time (although I know things don't always go to plan!).
My husband and I are both teachers, so hoping they could be a bit more lenient!! But as you said, you never know!
Did your school pay anything towards hospital fees, or did you get insurance, or pay for it all?

I was on the board of an international school and the question of funding a third child place came up a lot. It was always the same answer, no. The school didn’t want to set precedence. We recently moved back to the UK after more than a decade in Africa and it has been a massive shock financially.

I paid it all, as maternity wasn't included in my insurance. I knew that would be the case when I decided to have another, though. Some schools here do include insurance, and others do after initial contract. I considered taking out my own insurance including maternity and waiting for the waiting period before trying, but to be honest that would have added up to not much less than just paying for a delivery!

I did make sure that my youngest would be covered immediately from birth, as NICU costs are ridiculous. I wanted to be sure that if she needed any care at all, I wouldn't be bankrupt by the time she was well! My school was helpful with this.

With 2 teachers you are more likely to get the third place, for sure. Can you ask around current staff and see if there is precedent? I moved schools soon after I had my third and knew it was a risk, but it was also a risk to stay as I had no guarantee that my old school would have offered her a free place, either.

To my knowledge, I'm the only single teacher at my school with 3 places apart from one colleague who was in a teacher couple, was offered the third place (in line with one or two other families) and then the husband left her and the school. The school honoured the original offer of a third place, which she was of course very grateful for.