Copenhagen with primary aged children

[Hellohello9]

DH and have had a tough few years with work and covid and finances. Some good stuff, but a lot of very, very tough. Our relationship in particular has suffered.

Anyway today - almost out of nowhere - the chance for a move to Copenhagen and a role in a very exciting creative company has come up for dh. It’s no certainty. He’s been head hunted, but that doesn’t mean he’d get it. But we’re debating whether or not to realistically consider it.

logistically, it would be easy. We’re already renting out our home.

But we’ve never visited, can’t speak danish and know no one! I am simultaneously excited and scared at the prospect of a big change.

Can anyone advise? Good international schools? Areas to start looking at? How we’d fit into a community?

Also - has anyone relocated with a pet?! We have a beloved pet that we don’t want to leave behind!

Sorry I'm no real help but I follow a couple of people (American expats) on Instagram who live in Copenhagen with children and it seems to be the most amazing place. Everything geared towards children, excellent childcare etc, high standard of living. Definitely worth considering!

Hi, OP,

I am married to a Dane and spent a few years living in DK. We are also considering going back and my son will be school age if we do (he wasn't when we left).

Learning Danish would be a help, even the basics. Copenhagen is far more metropolitan than the rest of Denmark and 99% of Danes speak very good English. They are one the few European countries who show TV's/Movies at the cinema in English and don't dub them.

CPH has some good international schools. You'll get the best advice from a Facebook group called Brits in Denmark. There's lot of women from the UK with families in similar circumstances to yourself. You won't be long in making friends. There's lots of meet ups and events. I am still in contact with a lot of British people living over there who I would class as great friends.

Copenhagen is expensive to rent in. It's as bad as London. But there's good transport links into the city. I'd personally look at Hellerup (there's an international school there), Herlev, Ballerup and a little further out, Slangerup.

We moved with our pets. It's as simple as a pet passport then we drove from the UK to DK with them.

I think i've answered most of your questions but if I can help with anything else, please feel free to PM me and I can put you in touch with some people who can point you in the right direction.

x

Hiya, never lived there but I'm half Danish and my aunts live and have lived in Copenhagen. It's a wonderful place, clean, tidy, really good public transport. Loads of people use bicycles. One aunt lives in the city centre in an apartment and the other lived on the outskirts in a lovely house next to a wild piece of common land. She moved up to the northern coast a few years back.

I have never learned to speak Danish (long story) and I have always gotten on well just speaking English. Most everyone I ever met over there speak English well. Danish isn't that tricky a language though (and I suck at languages) and I would find that within a couple of weeks when I visited I'd be able to understand the gist of conversations and make polite small talk (thank you, hello, please, etc).

The city itself is beautiful and interesting, and is not far from the coast lines for days out.

Please factor into your calculations for this your work situation and pension payments.

If you're a SAHM and the plan is to continue that indefinitely then I'd still advise on making pension payments back in the U.K.

Basically you're almost definitely giving up work and career opportunities by moving abroad for his work (either now or future ones as you don't speak Danish so opportunities will naturally be more limited than when you are fluent). Make sure that you are financially covered in a way that enables you to leave if you want, because without that you cannot make the choice to stay, you're forced to.

You've already had marriage difficulties and moving abroad can be make or break for many couples. When you cannot leave, it makes a bad situation horrific. Hopefully it would all be fine! But it's worth making sure you're not disadvantaged in any way by his great, exciting - and likely - time consuming job opportunity, with a ready made team of colleagues to interact with, while you're the one building a family life your all of you over there.

The Facebook group Two Fat expats is your friend.
Remember if DH is offered the role he was headhunted - the company want him. He wasn’t looking for the role. Do research about what is offered in scenarios like this - paying for the move, language lessons, help for you if you want to work, extras at the international school eg trips, school transport.
Dont be too British and under negotiate. Been there done that on our first move.
Research how it works with housing and choose your area carefully. You cannot research too much! Also be cautions of moving mid year: it’s better for the kids to start at the beginning of terms. Also better for the non working parents. It’s much easier to make friends. Even if that means you don’t move over at the same time as your DH.
Good luck.

Ps your pet is probably the easiest part!

I meant to add one negative, OP. DK isn't too kind to spouses, especially now after Brexit. They usually want a £20,000 "deposit" to assure the partner a right to remain in the country. You'll have to look into this. Even I have been told I have no guarantee to right to stay, even after paying the above amount. After 6 months I may get booted back to Britain, and that's me married to a Dane with a child born in the country. I've seen many an expat denied and sent home. So that really is something to consider in all of this. Your husband may have to ask the company head-hunting him whether they would pay this for you, because if not, it's a big chunk of change to find.

Rygaards international school is a good one with a caring ethos.
The area of hellerup is lovely but expensive
Dh is Danish we lived in Copenhagen for a year. I taught p1 in 2 international schools Rygaards being one of them and I loved it (not so much the other)
We lived further out in an apartment as couldnt afford more but we were young, newly married and not long out of university

Thank you all!! This is incredibly helpful!

I hadn’t actually thought about my work situation. I’m an early years teacher, and I had hoped I might find work in an international school. I hadn’t considered my right to work - I would absolutely want to PT (I work PT now) otherwise I’d feel quite lonely and bored (and we definitely would need the extra money). I think whether or not I could work would be a bit of a deal-breaker…

Also the £20k right to remain is a little scary!

Great advice about areas and learning the language! DH’s possible company will offer (as part of the package) free language lessons, plus a pension and healthcare etc. But all those things obviously apply only to him. I don’t know about relocation costs! A great point to consider!

Hi OP. I'm currently living in Copenhagen. I would say it depends on how old your kids are and how long you plan to stay here? If you plan on moving back to the U.K at some point then you need to factor in paying for an international school. Rent is just as bad as London and availability even worse. You need to know someone to put a good word in for you to rent. No-one will respond to you on a normal rental ad.

Kids clothing is at least double the price. Food, groceries are probably at least 40% more expensive. Every item you can think of will be at least 30 to 40% more expensive. Often I find things that are even 3 times the price they are in the U.K. Your husband woukd need a significantly higher salary here in order for you to get by.

Danes are polite and considerate, but not very welcoming and extremely introverted. Even if you learn Danish fast (I.e within 2 years. Its a difficult language) you will likely still not make any Danish friends. I know so many people who speak Danish fluently and have lived here for over 10 years but still feel really disconnected and don't have any close friendships. Don't underestimate how much this will impact on your mental heath and also relationship.

Your friendship group will most likely be fellow expats. This means your friends will come and go.

Also, you mentioned being a SAHM. This is extremely uncommon here in Denmark. Most Danes look down on SAHMs. It isn't part of their culture. It also means it will be hard for you to make friends, as you won't have any work colleagues.

The city itself is small and clean and expensive. It doesn't take very long to see it all. There are no free museums etc like there are in London. So activities tend to be more costly here. Factor this in.

Sorry, if I sound really negative. I'm just being honest. I'm sick of always hearing people talk about Copenhagen as if it some kind of a Utopia.(especially here on mumset) The grass isn't always greener.

This is very helpful! And some realistic costs that we need to consider. We live in London now, and DH’s salary would be more but not much more.

Also very interesting about how hard it is to make friends; and if they’re mainly expats they’d be transitory. That’s a little off putting. A good community is very important for my mental health!

I don’t want to be a SAHM. It would be a dealbreaker for me whether or not I would have the right to work… I have been a SAHM before (when the children were under 2), and that was good at the time, but if we’re moving to another country, I really want to meet work colleagues and make friends and have a purpose outside of the home!

In just across the bridge in southern sweden, some of my colleagues live i

Accidentally pressed post.

What i was going to say is that some of my friends live in Copenhagen and commute, it's not far, less than an hour on the train. If CPH is anything like here then international schools are usually pretty keen on qualified British teachers. However, part time work is uncommon. In Sweden at least your choice would usually be to work full time or work as a substitute teacher.

I don't fully agree with the previous poster about the transient nature of expats. Sure, it's true for some, but there are lots of expats who don't come over on an expat package, but work in international schools, universities, as well as the private sector and settle here, especial if they have a local partner of have kids here. Most of my colleagues are from overseas, but lots of them have lived here for 10+ years.

My experience is quite out of date now but I was born in Copenhagen and my (both British) parents lived there for 10 years. We left when I was 3 but my parents always spoke fondly of their time there and they had many friends (both Danes and expats). I remember going back frequently and visiting them and found them very warm and welcoming.

My dad continued to work there for a few years even after we moved back to England. He'd fly out Monday morning and home on Friday night.

Taxes are high but public services were better than the UK (at least when my parents were there - great childcare).

Both my parents worked for a Danish company in the aviation industry. My dad played rugby for an expat team. They learnt Danish but as PPs have said Danes speak excellent English so sometimes they struggled as people would always want to speak to them in English so practising wasn't straightforward.

Copenhagen is a lovely city. Kids love Tivoli Gardens. I still remember going there as a kid when we visited.

Hi there

I moved, from the UK, to Copenhagen last year with my partner and preschool daughter.

There are some great international schools - I would recommend Rygaards (3/4+) and Stepping Stones (0-6). Both are aligned to the UK curriculum and have a really diverse environment. Education is subsidised so much cheaper than the UK equivalent of a nursery/private school. Waitlists are long though so the earlier you apply, the better.

Hellerup is where most of the international schools are based - although it’s pricey to live there. We live in the centre and just hop on the train each day. For a city, it’s very quiet and clean, and we have everything on our doorstep and within walking distance.

Bolingportal is a great place to source accommodation and get a feel for prices.

Nemlig is an online grocery store so you can get a feel for prices. You might notice there’s a lot less variety in food….

(Use Chrome on either of the above to translate to English)

The international schools are always hiring here - both substitutes and permanent roles. You should be able to work through your partners visa - it just depends what his company offers him but I have right to work through my partner. The only condition is we cannot work at the same place.

It’s a very child friendly place to live, and has a much slower pace of life than the UK. There’s a great facebook group called ‘Copenhagen Expats’ which you might want to join - I learnt so much from there when we moved here.

Happy to answer any other questions directly

Also making friends within the expat community is quite easy, especially if your children go to international schools. Most have been here for many years, and some plan to stay here now, so it certainly is quite stable.

I don't live in DK but am currently working for a Danish company and spend a fair amount of time there. Can't comment on CoL etc but the Danes I have met have been very friendly, kind and welcoming. They aren't particularly emotionally demonstrative but will do anything to help practically. They are also hilarious!

Sorry if this sounds alarmist and it is no reflection on you, I am sure it won't happen but just in case -
Get a legal agreement in place that if you break up you can return home with the children. Otherwise you may find yourself unhappily divorced in a foreign country with no rights to take the children home. If he decides to have an affair and start a new life then your kids will have to be shared between you and his new household. If you have let your job prospects slide because you are understandably looking after your kids then to find a job when you are trapped abroad without good Danish will be awful.

Sounds horrific and scary but absolutely possible if you don't protect yourself upfront. I speak from experience.

On the plus side living in Copenhagen would be great and easy with kids.

i'm english married to a Dane and spend some time living in Copenhagen with kids. I loved it & would move back if work allows.

However, if you think this might be a move for 5yrs or longer, it might be smart to put your kids in a Danish school and have them fully learn the language. At primary they will be pick it up VERY fast and be able to integrate well.

my british friend in Copenhagen took a job that was meant to be a couple of years & put her kids in international school. 8 years later they are still there and the kids still speak barely any Danish. so she now regrets not going for the full danish school that would let their family integrate more.

Sorry to put a dampener on things but as wonderful as Denmark is, it has a huge racism problem. My parents moved us back to England in the early 90s because of the way they were treated and they were adamant they didn't want us to grow up thinking the treatment they received at the hands of locals was 'normal'. I hear from friends out there that the situation has got worse as time has gone on. This might not affect you but if you want your children to have an organic upbringing where everyone is treated equally and fairly and judged on merit and not the colour of their skin, Denmark might not be it. Having said this, my parents divorced and my dad moved back to Denmark and still lives there all these years on and has a second family out there. My half-siblings love their lives and are lovely teens.

I do see where you are coming from. But I don't think the OP will face this problem if she is sending her kids to an international school. And if she is white, she probably won't notice and it won't affect her or her family.