Marriage breakdown overseas please advise..

[Aggien]

Hi everyone, I desperately need some advice..
I’ve been married for about 15 years with 2 beautiful kids, aged 11 and 8 now.
we’ve lived in the uk their whole lives, all our family and friends are there and 1 year ago we moved to Portugal.
My husband has a history of being a bully, constantly wearing me down, gaslighting me, calling me names, mentally abusive.. ect.. I was told we are moving as he is sick of the uk and if I choose not to move then he will go alone ( I should have agreed)
So I moved along with the kids to save the family and keep us all together..

We bought an old farm house with lots of land out in the middle of nowhere. The children go to a non English speaking school and have done so well in this new environment. I however am the saddest I’ve been in my entire life. I’m lonely, sad, I’ve thought of suicide many times because I just can’t bear this life. My husband tells me daily to fuck off back to the uk but I cannot take the kids. Everyday I get told off for something, he belittles me in front of the children and tells them I’m a crazy controlling bitch. My son has now started to stick up for me..
Ive no friends, no job or money and no one to talk to.. I call my friends back I home who all tell me I must leave. My husband has told me I’m not taking the kids and a court will decide where they will live. I’ve asked that they come back home with me while we sort this out. That is a firm no. I apparently should leave them here and go back home to the uk alone while the lawyers deal with this.
I honestly believe he’s planned this all along to get the kids and leave me with nothing..
( I raised the kids almost alone while he worked away, building his fortune)
I honestly don’t know what to do. I used to be a fun, happy mum who took the kids out and went to friends and had play dates and everything, now I’m sad, depressed and my poor kids see me cry almost daily.. please help me..

Book a flight and get on it instead of them going to school.

He’s told me if I take the children without his consent he will tell the police I’ve kidnapped them. We all have our 5 year Portuguese residency and I don’t know how the law works here in regards to taking the kids

You have parental responsibility so you have every right to take them.
You could do with getting some advice from a solicitor over here.
Where are yours and the kids passports ?

Op - what an awful situation - I’m so sorry. I think you need to reach out to womens aid in the uk and find out what the actual legalities are. you will not be the only person this has happened to.
You should probably also find a uk based divorce lawyer too to help you. Where did you used to live? Ask your friends back in the uk if they can find a recommendation for one.
Your husband is isolating and belittling you to destroy you mentally but what he is telling you isn’t true. You need to stop listening to him and listen to people who will tell you the truth.
You can get yourself and your children out of this situation - you are stronger and braver than you think,
many hugs xx

You've only been there a year. Book a short trip back to the UK, see a solicitor. Ask your family to pay if you don't have the money.

The longer you stay in Portugal the more likely a judge will think that is their home. You need to do something before that becomes reality.

Speak to a lawyer and make a plan, do not let him scare you into leaving your kids.

Please read about the Hague convention. You cannot just take them.

OP have you got any friends in Portugal? Have you tried looking on Facebook for expat women's groups?

Sending you a PM, hope that's OK.

I agree with this. You must speak with a solicitor and don't listen to stupid advice telling you that you have the right to just take your kids and go.

Check out the Living Overseas threads on mumsnet and see if you can connect with other mners in Portugal, get links to FB groups etc.

you do need to get advice, you say “amassing his fortune” so is there a fair bit of money involved? If you divorce him (check in both countries what the likely outcome would be) you will need to have enough money to manage.

what would the kids want? In a couple of years it’ll be their choice taken into account

Yes we have several properties in the uk we rent out, plus this house in Portugal and 1 in south Africa.
my son wants to come back home with me but my daughters says she wants to stay on the farm

You obviously need to talk to the lawyer who specialises in family law.
Get this thread moved to a different section to get better exposure.

Sorry! You are in one of possible sections where MN may be able to help you.

How do I move to a different thread? This is all new to me

OP I'm getting divorced overseas.

1. Do NOT speak to your DH about divorce any more.

1. Go to a Portuguese lawyer who does international divorce.

1. Speak to a British lawyer who works internationally.

You can do both these on zoom btw.

Unless you have a free consult (which some lawyers do) do not pay for these via any method that your DH has access too.

What you need to find out is where you're considered resident and also where you - and then he too - can file for divorce. It sounds like there are quite some marital assets and it may well be in your interests to file in England, BUT you have to submit first. If he decides to file for divorce in Portugal because you'll be entitled to less, and does it first, you can't file in England. (I'm assuming you're from England).

You need to start playing the long game, work quickly and give him zero reason to suspect you're seriously looking into it, in case he files first - because he won't file wherever suits you!

So sorry you're in this situation. It's shitty, but it's doable.

Also definitely do not take the kids abroad, even to the UK a for a long weekend. It's not worth it just now. And don't give him any reason to "prove" that you've moved back aka away from the kids.

Hi guys new to this site so not sure on how it works but I desperately need advice.
I have been married for 19yrs and 2 children both sons are 19 & 14, throughout the marriage my husband has always been secretive and would never divulge his income and expenditure, I would often come home from work to find him home after being sacked or walked out on a job. I work 55hrs a week as a carer in a private care home and been there for 23yrs, my husband lost his mum 4yrs ago and only last year he was diagnosed with depression which I suspected but only found out by his GP calling me to gain an insight into his behaviours before he gets referred to mental health team, my husband tells me nothing! Following his late mothers passing and estate he was left with 56k which I had no control over, my husband is now saying I owe him 26k and won’t leave unless I give it to him, his depression has caused the marriage to break down as there is no communication and I pretty much feel a single parent. I rent my house from a local housing association and it’s only my name on the tenancy, I need him to go as it’s not healthy, my kids are not aware of any issues and I don’t know if I should tell them.
Please help!

@emmacos do you live in UK? In England?

Yes sorry I put this post on the wrong thread, new to this site.

You read about the Hague convention. A british woman can take her british kids home to britain when they have only lived in Portugal for 12 months. They arenn't habitually resident. He wouldn't have a chance with a Convention case.